So I finally came clean to my parents.

[JiZ53]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

If I had son who turned out to be gay, I would be disappointe not because I'm homophobic bdut because I am not gay. I would take pride in seeing my son wity women because I would see myself in him, a sort of vicarious enjoyment that I would not feel seeing him with other men. Another concern I would have is that he would be less likely to father children and if he were to have a child I would be concerned about the lack of a mother figure in the childs life.

My mother is a lesbian so I am no stranger to homosexuals because I've been around them my whole life. I do not think homosexuality is a bad thing or that it is unnatural(i believe that everyone is bisexual)

[devonin]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

If I had son who turned out to be gay, I would be disappointe not because I'm homophobic bdut because I am not gay. I would take pride in seeing my son wity women because I would see myself in him, a sort of vicarious enjoyment that I would not feel seeing him with other men. Another concern I would have is that he would be less likely to father children and if he were to have a child I would be concerned about the lack of a mother figure in the childs life.

My mother is a lesbian so I am no stranger to homosexuals because I've been around them my whole life. I do not think homosexuality is a bad thing or that it is unnatural(i believe that everyone is bisexual)

Why does a 'mother figure' have to have breasts and a vagina?

[rushyrulz]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Be homosexual if you want to be homosexual.

Oh my God.

[fido123]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Be homosexual if you want to be homosexual

I was wondering if I was going to quote you on this but then I saw rushy's quote. I had a girlfriend for 2/3 of a year, and this is after I already thought I was gay. In hindsight I just really couldn't face the fact I was gay and this girl was coming on to me pretty hard. The relationship seemed shallow, never really felt a connection, and she looked like an effeminate gay guy (everybody I know thought she was an effeminate guy at first). We have A LOT in common but in the end I'm just gay and can't do shit about it no matter how hard I try. It's far easier to make this connection with guys for me. There's probably a girl out there somewhere I could be with, but that goes along the lines of JiZ53's "everybody is at least slightly bisexual" statement.

Also on everything else you said, like I said before. It's one thing if OTHER people are homosexuals, but it's a completely different one when it's their kids.

This is Biblical ignorance. Of course, judging by the "I wish religion would just lay down and die already" comment, you're probably not interested in a refutation. I'm also not interested in derailing the thread, so we'll just move on...

I'm actually quite interested on any passages that contradict what I said. If you say they're out there, I'll believe it. I've gotten this information from fairly bias sources and shallow Google searches. Also I don't really have a beef with people being religious because I think it's a human want to understand what existence is etc etc. Personally though I feel like all religions are false and it just really pisses me of that people think I'm "sinning" or doing wrong based off something that's even admitted to be baseless by the religion itself (faith). Anyway I'm just saying this to clarify my feelings towards religion and religious people. I don't want to derail this thread either but I wouldn't mind a response so I understand where you're coming from, from a religious point of view.

[JiZ53]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Why does a 'mother figure' have to have breasts and a vagina?

My understanding of the biology of gender roles is by no means an educated understanding, but I do know that a mother and her child bond on a very deep level. This bond is cemented by breastfeeding and a number of hormonal interactions that the mother experiences. While I am sure that a male could satisfy the childs needs, he would not be able to provide all that a women can. A female mother figure is also important because it gives the child an opportunity to interact with a female on a daily basis, this is especially important if the child is a girl. The mother becomes the archetypal female to her children. If there is no female mother figure, the child will usually find a female figure to look up to.

[Aldentron]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

If there is no female mother figure, the child will usually find a female figure to look up to.

sounds good to me

[devonin]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

sounds good to me

If I were gay and in a gay relationship and adopted/surrogated/etc a female child, there are plenty of excellent female role models in my life that such a child could look up to. Just none of them would happen to be her mother.

[fido123]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Mother and Father are gender specific roles. Somebody can have two fathers, or two mothers, but when your parents are of the same gender you can't have both unless you throw somebody else of a different gender into the mix somehow.

[irionman]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Just a thought, but most parents seem to already know that their child is gay. I just find it weird that some people react so negatively when it is finally vocalized. It's not like they turned you that way, it's just something that they can't control. Congrats on coming out to them though.

[GuidoHunter]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

My problem with this is that not everyone prescribes to the same philosophy. It's easy to say that a parent loves their child when they're trying to get their beloved child who is addicted to heroin to go into rehab. Why should the child stop doing heroin? Because it will kill you. Why should the child stop being gay? Because you'll go to hell. The parent's conviction is brought about by love in both scenarios, but the consequence for being gay is founded entirely upon the parent's interpretation of the Bible, something the child doesn't necessarily believe in.

Of course. I wrote my whole post from the perspective of the parents. It creates an even greater divide when parents and child aren't on the same religious foundation, but it does help to better understand the other side. At the very least, it's better than "You're gay and you can't help it, **** 'em if they say otherwise!" advice.

The only thing I disagree with is that it's Ken's responsibility to "fight his parents with love." Everyone here is an adult, and I believe his parents are in the wrong. If anybody should be fighting to restore the relationship, it's his parents.

I think you misunderstand. First of all, Ken has no responsibility to try to restore the relationship with his parents; if he wants to walk away that's totally his call. It's just my counsel that he doesn't.

It's because his parents are in the wrong (mostly, at least; without knowing more we can't say that Ken's 100% blameless for how things turned out, but we can agree that kicking him out was a very bad idea) that Ken needs to be the one to stand up and fight. It's clear that they're willing to put him out and forget about him, so rather than walking away, be the bigger man and stand up. Show them that he's more interested in mending fences than fanning flames, that despite being gay, he's still a good person.

--Guido

[ichliebekase]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Not sure if this was made clear or not, but Ken wasn't necessarily "kicked out", he was already planning on moving long before he told his parents, and they just requested that he move out sooner.

[Mau5]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Also on everything else you said, like I said before. It's one thing if OTHER people are homosexuals, but it's a completely different one when it's their kids.

Homosexuality is not some sort of derogatory life choice, if anything i'd be proud that he has the balls to define himself to that extent and share it with the people that brought him into this world, I don't even think I would have the nerves to do something like that. Props to the OP.

[rushyrulz]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

most parents seem to already know that their child is gay.

Cool stat.

[fido123]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Homosexuality is not some sort of derogatory life choice, if anything i'd be proud that he has the balls to define himself to that extent and share it with the people that brought him into this world, I don't even think I would have the nerves to do something like that. Props to the OP.

The problem is not everybody has your reasoning.

[devonin]

Re: So I finally came clean to my parents.

Mother and Father are gender specific roles. Somebody can have two fathers, or two mothers, but when your parents are of the same gender you can't have both unless you throw somebody else of a different gender into the mix somehow.

Gender roles yes. Sex roles no. Gender is an artificial construct, and there's no reason why a gender role can't be fulfilled by someone of another sex.