VERY. VERY. BAD.

Never again.

Sure, it felt awesome at the time, getting the thrill from passing things, but in combination with the Xanax slowly leaving my system, it pretty much made me feel manic afterwards, leading to a crash, and my emotions have been in some sort of rollercoaster ride for the entire day.

Also, the shallow automatic breathing that I discovered doesn't seem as dependable as I may have thought before. It needs like... the right conditions or something to make it work; conditions that I probably won't be able to hold onto while attempting to sleep tonight, but hey, at least it's -something-. Better than zero automatic breathing, that's for sure.

I took my Tylenol PM a few minutes ago. I'm not going to sleep until I find myself dozing off at the screen. I'm not going to try to make things worse simply by attempting to sleep / getting anxious / etc. I'll sleep if and only if I feel very sleepy.

It comes and it goes, but I seem to have it only when completely relaxed, or if my mind is on something totally other than breathing. This is the time where IIDX may come in handy. :3

Anyway, thanks for your support, everyone. I appreciate it.

...Seriously, I do. It's awesome to know that people care about each others' well-being. :)

...or that's at least what the doctors called it when they told me that I had it. Last Sunday (the 20th), I woke up noticing that I couldn't breathe automatically. I had to -think- about breathing for it to happen, and it sorta freaked me out, so I went to the ER to get checked out. It turned out that there was nothing physically wrong at all, and I was really worried that day.

I went home, and that night, it was total hell. As soon as my mind tried to drift to sleep, I found myself not breathing, which in turn startled me back to being awake, but yeah, I eventually fell asleep without knowing it.

The next day, I went to my doctor, who told me that it wasn't a physical, but a psychological problem related to anxiety (somehow), and prescribed me some Xanax. I didn't think that it would help at the time, and the next day, I just sat there, watching a LOT of TV with my mom, all while paying attention to breathing at the same time. It was hard at first, but eventually got easier to do, but the problem never completely disappeared; it always felt like it was still there.

As I'm writing this, the problem still feels like it's here, feeling as if I have to remind myself to breathe somewhat often, but I don't feel as miserable about it as before. My only worry now is when this is going to go away, because everyone's been telling me that it'll disappear unexpectedly, just like the way it came. It... uh... didn't happen yet for me, and if it doesn't go away by Monday, I'm gonna go see a psychologist about it. I totally want it gone by next semester, which starts on August 25, which is almost exactly a month from now.

And on one last note... I HATE THESE MEDS. THEY MAKE ME TALK LIKE MR. OSBOURNE. It sucks. :( I don't even know if I'm gonna continue with these meds. The doctor said I only have to take it when needed, maximum 3 times per day, and all it did for me was help me sleep at night...

...which is why I got me some Tylenol PM to help me sleep tonight instead of this drug that's slowly turning me into a zombified pill-pusher. :D

...it doesn't mean that I hate you. You just don't know me well enough, that's all. Many people just pass through profiles and friend-invite the cool-looking ones, or maybe you talked to me a bit in Prochat and just because of the fact that I talked to you, you're expecting me to add you.

Well, if you have a good conversation with me or something, I'll most likely add you.

Credit to ChaosUnown for having an avatar that reminded me of the part of the movie that I remembered. I had the movie on my harddrive, so I opened it up, went to the specific frame, screenshotted it, and with that, got straight to work with this layout. :3