Depression experience

[choof]

Originally Posted by Spenner

Gabapentin is a good call, in fact just identifying that you need something that works in the GABA area of your brain to quell excessive stimulation and anxiety (which is pretty much like a very slow, continuous seizure, if you ask me sometimes... when your thoughts are in a loop there is no stopping it, unless you have something that stops your fear-response mid-thought, gabapentin will do that). There are of course pros and cons of using things that affect the GABA receptors of the brain (cough alcohol cough) but used right it is some of the most effective medication for directly intervening with anxiety, and some depressive episodes too. Glad you got some solid info my friend, keep that one on the shelf.

odd that you should mention alcohol
I don't remember if I posted this, but about two weeks ago I went out drinking with some family for my sister's birthday. I had taken gabapentin right before I left, and after a few drinks I ended up vomiting blood.
at first I was pretty embarrassed by it, only my brother knew that I was vomiting blood, so my sisters/sister's friends thought I just wimped out after 3 pabst blue ribbons lmao. fortunately I was quickly brought to a hospital.

I've battled with alcoholism in the past; nowadays I just grab a craft beer after a good day at work. but after the vomiting blood and another incident about a week ago where I was just uncontrollably vomiting until I passed out in my bathroom... I am 100% done with alcohol.

I have yet to smoke weed with gabapentin though. I think it'll synergize well?


when it comes to night meds, right now I'm just drinking tea with valerian root in it and taking doxepin. it works well enough, but I wake up really drowsy; feels a bit like a hangover. maybe it's a comedown? idk.

so, depression. after having gabapentin for however long I've been taking it (ironically spenner would know more exactly than I would, that night when I popped into tripsit was the first week I started taking it), my suicidal thoughts have disappeared completely. that is definitely a Good Thing, but flying out of a depressive state as quickly as I have is leaving me... at a loss for things to do. and some of the old things I used to do to cope are just utterly boring to me now.

like... ffr. I honestly have no idea what's going on, but I care a lot less about the people I've talked to on here. in skype groups, all I do is post here and there and then disappear. I can't remember the last time I actually talked to someone. and I'm fine with that. it makes me pretty sad, but I have zero urge to interact with anyone that I've met online on a personal level.

and another thing that I encountered recently, is that coming out of depression, I feel emotionally calloused. I listened to an album for the first time in years about a week ago, it was an album I listened to and shared with someone I cared about deeply. I was expecting it to affect me in some way, but it didn't. I don't experience sharp peaks and valleys anymore, it's more like rolling hills. it's jarring, and I'm sure I'll come to welcome it later on, but right now it's got me feeling really fucking weird.

I didn't want to end up just vomiting words into a critical thinking thread, oops.