Have you ever felt suicidal? If so, how did you get over it? If not, how would you

[sarahxjane]

Midday said everything for me.
Except for the masochism part.

I have had enough go on in my life that I have felt suicidal many times. I still have a lot of crap go on. Sadly, when things get bad enough I do plan out my suicide. Hell, I've even Googled the most quick and pain free way to end myself. You see, I am plagued by feelings of guilt and past events almost all the time. However, even with these upsetting events and thoughts, I have so much that I want to accomplish before I die. I want to become a professional ( well known would be a bonus ) photographer. I want to find my soul mate and have a family. I want to travel to Japan and New York City. There is so much more I want to do, yet it is impossible to do that if I am dead. Perhaps I have hope, who knows? All I know is that I am too scared to die but too pained to live. It is a sad state to be in and one I have known for almost 8 years now. I think about suicide more than once a week. I suppose the only things holding me back are the people who care, wanting to make an impact on the world no matter how small and leaving with a sense of accomplishment. I am also scared to do anything. I ask myself, what if it doesn't work, how badly will it hurt, will I become nothing afterwards, will I be sent to hell? ( I do not believe in it but no one knows for sure, right? )

I have not lost anyone close to be from natural/accidental death nor suicide but I have seen how death affects other people. I see how people deal with losing someone they love from suicide. You will leave at least one person behind. It will kill them inside. I am probably being a hypocrite here, but life really is worth it. It's hard, and boy do I understand that. I'm nearly nineteen years old. I have not even come close to living my life. I should have another 60-70 years before I die.

We could all say, get help. Talk to someone. Go on medication.

But you know as well as I how fun that sounds, and you might have done all of that, I can't say for sure. I know I have, and to be honest - it hasn't healed me in the slightest. In fact, I am going to go on anti-depressants because I am so heavily depressed.

You need to find what there is to live for.
Not what you want to escape from.

You are on FFR, so you must enjoy music and games. Perhaps you like to paint, read, sing, play an instrument; whatever. Find the things that make you happy, no matter how small and insignificant they may appear. Even if people put you down because of it. Do it because it is keeping you alive. Some part of you wishes to live and continue to enjoy it. I find happiness through music, photography, talking to various internet friends and my boyfriend.

The happiness that I feel from these things may be small, and the smiles may be broken, but I am happy. Perhaps not truly happy, but happy enough to continue on with my life and to try my best not to allow the sadness to overwhelm me.

Grandiagod is partially right. Some people are silent when it comes to killing themselves, others actually do reach out and try to find help. Some do want attention and others really need to be reassured that people are there for them.

I'm actually not sure if you are seeking help for you, a friend or a family member, but please wait a little longer and think about what there is to live for. If, for some reason you find that there really isn't anything to be here for, then do what you must. In the end, it is your life. By no means am I supportive of suicide, but I am not one to judge people because of hardships.

Just remember, people have been through worse than you.
If you are young, there really is so much to live for.
I have probably been through something that you have been through, so talk to me.

I wish you all the best and I'm really sorry that you feel this way.


For you and everyone else...
Think about this: If you had not heard about suicide before, would you be so quick to think about it if something horrible happened to you? Chances are, probably not. Children ( should not ) do not know about suicide so if something tragic happens in their life, their first thought isn't "I should die. I can't take this anymore." Teenagers blow things way out of proportion and break ups especially are a stupid reason to kill yourself. You will heal and you will love again. It's sad to see so many people think of suicide let alone go through with it merely because they suffered a break up. It isn't just break ups but I felt like I should provide an example.