How would (do) you raise your children?

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

Fear?? ...wow

As a sole parent for 4 years and with my daughter now in school as of this year (she turns 5 on friday ^___^), I can say from honest experience of raising my own daughter and seeing how horrible some children in her age group act, that it is all about the amount of effort you put in. I know far too many lazy parents that let their kids run riot, then play the 'I dont know why they misbehave like that' card when people mention their childrens behaviour.

My daughter Marissa (pictured below), is a credit to the way she has been raised. We operate a household where yelling/smacking is a last resort that is rarely (if ever) taken. When something goes wrong or something is happening that isn't 'right', we approach it by explaining things and discussing them once she has a level of understanding about the situation at hand.
I have noticed the main reason a lot of kids appear to not listen or ignore what they are told derives from consistency...
My old house mate would tell her child not to do something, and she'd wait 30 seconds and go and do it anyway. Reason being, that 50% of the time, her behaviour goes ignored, so the 50% of the time that it is reprimanded isn't sticking because the child develops an attitude of "well, I got away with it last time, let's see how far I can push it this time..."


Children need consistent discipline. They will test their boundaries, and without consistency, these boundaries are never created for them to adhere to.

I could go on about this all night, but I'd like to see what direction this topic heads before I proceed.


Edit: To respond to the question posed at the end of your post. Respect is something earned, not 'instilled'. Fear doesn't create respect in my opinion. It creates fear... I can say with confidence and pride that my daughter respects me on many levels in the same way that I respect her.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

I'm very laid back, but my nearly 3yo (in April) knows right from wrong and knows her limits and boundaries, She's honestly never stepped out of line in which She's had to be removed from something or someone. She's years ahead in understanding things.

I'm completely against smacking and yelling at a child, as I don't believe a child should fear being physically attacked by their carer and person who they love. To me, smacking and yelling means the parent has lost control of parenting and the situation.
I think children who're smacked are the problem children.

I believe in being firm but fair, getting down on their level to explain why something was wrong and giving them chances rather than out-right name calling them followed by a smack on the head.

She's going to be a big Sister soon and her Brother/Sister will be brought up exactly the same and I know they can learn from her too when they're older.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

I believe in spanking children... My parents did it too me when I grew up and it sure as hell made me listen and smartened me up, so I will do the same to my children.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

i think where a lot of people go wrong with their kids is when they're too lazy to explain things to them.
for instance, instead of "you can't have another bowl of ice cream because i said so," you could use this opportunity to describe human nutrition and the importance of diet. make it significant to the kid, rather than just a blow-off answer.
the "because I said so" and similar responses instill logical fallacy and authoritarian righteousness. bad parents indeed.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

Simple: Love and Dedication. Be there for them whenever they need you.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

I'd raise my children on NES and Jazz music. Feeding them the essentials. I'd never introduce him/her/them to k-pop. It's seriously a curse.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

My child will be raised properly, starting with Pokemon Red/Blue first. :')

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

When you outright punish your kid, you aren't teaching them to change their behavior in the way you want. Sending a kid up to their room or spanking them doesn't force them to sit and ponder their actions. They focus on how unfair it all is and how much it hurts, and instead causes them to resent/fear their parents and turn the anger in that direction, instead.

A much better solution IMO is to use positive reinforcement instead. Stick to your boundaries and be consistent. If you promise a reward, make damn sure you follow through. If you promise to take something away or revoke privileges, you'd better do it and not waver one iota. It's how you build respect and strong values without the nasty side-effect of fear and pain.

That being said, your rules need to be fair and transparent, which brings me to the following:

I agree with this 100000%.

When a kid asks a "why" or "how come" question, that is a great opportunity to teach them something. Instead, a lot of people squander those chances and lazily reply with some non-explanation or arbitrary BS answer. "Because I said so" does nothing but assert power. You aren't teaching them to reason or negotiate. You aren't teaching them to think critically. You're just being a lazy cockmonger and are doing your kid a disservice.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

When I have kids (hopefully one day; would be nice to have twins xD), I want them to be interested in the world around them while providing the love they need. From there, I hope they will find something interesting to learn and would pursue it but if not, that's fine too. Lastly, I want to guide them so that they don't make the same mistakes I made in the past (I've made plenty but I don't regret them anymore).

EDIT: Of course, I'd let them be aware of my mistakes as well.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

How is babby formed?

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

Consistency is the thing I'd try for but my bf and I are so totally opposite spectrum in so many things that consistency itself is going to be a HUGE challenge. May god have mercy on any future children that may or may not exist :-p

I believe that it's not so much how a parent disciplines a child, or even doesn't discipline one, but more of a question as to how stable a parent is. If you are a volatile person, even if you never yell or spank them, your kid's going to know when your pissed and it's going to affect them. If you're emotionally distant but act kind, your child's going to see that too. If you are an emotionally stable person who loves their child, but who also spanks them, then that's probably going to be better than someone who never spanks a child but who punishes them by being aloof or yelling.

I also think how a child behaves and what will work with them depends on the child. Lots of relatives I know will have obviously had a similar parenting style with all their children, but yet there always seems to be a bad kid and good kid in every family. Also to note is that the 'bad' kids often grow out of their childish behaviours when they're no longer a child.

Honestly, I can't believe people who look at a parent and think 'They're clearly doing something wrong' when a child has a tantrum or something in public. I also think that I have a pretty lenient idea of what bad behaviour is. Some people will be like 'What are that kid's parents thinking, letting them run around like that!' to something I see as totally normal, acceptable behaviour. (I will sometimes think 'I can't believe that parent just said/did that to their kid!', but it's the parent's actions that make me think that, not the child's.)

I used to be of the mind that a child should understand why we do most things, but that ideology is waning for me. Eg: I'm sure the kid doesn't give a shit if in 50 years the ice-cream they ate as a kid was the catalyst that caused them to have a heart attack. Also, I'm sure telling them 'but then you won't have room to eat your broccoli at supper and without your broccoli you're not going to be as smart, strong and healthy as if you don't eat it' is also going to be a real winner for not having ice cream.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

Well, that isn't exactly positive reinforcement.

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

So what are you gonna tell your kids why they can't have more ice cream?

Re: How would (do) you raise your children?

I personally think children should be spanked. If they are spanked the parent shouldn't be angry when spanking the child. That way the child will see the punishment pertaining to something they did, and not from you being unfair. Second to help them understand, I think they should be explained as to why your doing what you are. Staying calm, and letting the child know that they deserve the spanking is, in my own opinion, one of the best ways to discipline a child. If they don't have that moral discipline, then they will have a harder time living with rules, and just plain surviving out in the working world.

This is just my thought on things. If i have offended anyone, i would like to say i did not mean to, and therefore sorry if I have.