TL;DR. Hello, fellow ickle wickle wuddly puddly Flishy Flashy Revopoodletions! No, this isn't my real name; don't make me laugh. But I do go by Checkwin Trollbert from time to time. I am a US citizen, a wanker and made of AIDS according to Britons, and interfere in many, many areas. I hope to embody the ideal of the pig cock lover (especially by pretending to be a 12yo newfag), even though I am well aware that I fall horribly short of that title! Principally, I am a pervert, a rapist (and maybe a woman!), a trout farmer, and a junkie. I can also be something of a pest—which annoys and amuses in equal measure. Furthermore, I am 6 foot (no, not "feet"), 190lbs, 15"+ arm circumference (hello, ladies!), have the A+ blood type, brown hair, beauteous hazel eyes, and my Social Security number is eternally undisclosed. My playing style consists in the expert use of my left pinkie. I'm quasisupercalyfragilisticalsemiambihemidexteriousnessdemisinisterliester. My currently preferred speed-mod is ∞ – 1. Indeed—I eff fractals all day long. Incidentally (because it is incidental), I am also a member of the Cosmic Jelly project, and provided the spitting and slurping sounds throughout the It's So Big I Think I'll Burst recording. Please, feel free to contact me via my Wazzock Page—don't you dare mention this one though, or I'll give you a wedgie. Regardless, remember the three things that get me through life: illicit drugs, an unhealthy obsession with feces, and rubber. One last thing "about me" that you must absolutely heed: I will gladly reciprocate any thumbs up and thumbs down. This—exluding all else—is very, very, very important! FYI: Sausage smuggling, which has been rightly condemned by all who crave willy, is the greatest threat to the liberty we enjoy (both the fudge nudgers themselves and our Governments' reactions to them), and I fully support any attempt to hunt down and bring to justice these despicable poo burglars.

Well! I do say, beating boredom with a one-two can of FFR whoop-ass and the occasional drill bit in a jap's eye (thinking figuratively, not ethnically) is the height of voluptuousness which humanity can never hope of exceeding nor surpassing. There are numerous institutions and individuals I follow closely and stalk most of the time. Among them are: * The Supreme Court of the United States, and although I cannot claim to agree with everything they say, I have to admit that more often than not they deliver in the long term. George Bush is the daddy. * The Supreme Court of Israel, which is I believe the single most effective, interventionist, activist, and powerful Supreme Court in the world. Deserving particular recognition is the current Chief Justice Aharon Barak, who will sadly be forced to retire in a couple of years. (That being now!) In my humble opinion, both of these courts are far better, braver and more effective than any seen in the UK (*wink*wink*). I would love to see Aharon Barak giving Adolf Hitler a good blowjob. I'm sure he swallows. * John Williams, whose music is the soundtrack to my life, it goes bubba-bubba-bubba bop bop and I boogie. * John Rawls, now sadly deceased, whose corpse I have propped up in a corner of my garage. He truly was a genius, although his beard was somewhat disappointing. * Alan M. Dershowitz, Felix Frankfurter Chair at Harvard Law School, whose books have got me interested in kangaroos, Lemsip, brain problems and many other "important but boring" topics. He makes them important but not boring, and he smells lovely. * Niels Bohr, who was right where Einstein was wrong and who will in time be revered equally, and who had a much bigger nob than Einstein too. * Su Doku, which excites and stimulates me every day. * Jeremy Paxman, who is the result of an interesting genetic interbreeding experiment between a man and a horse.

FFR has a few things: happy hardcore, eurodance, dance pop, piano, bossa lounge, 8-bit, techno, classical, etc. For instance, Mozart, whose Piano Concerto No. 21, Movement 1, would sound so much better with drums, a cat at the piano, and a woman singing. For the life of me I can't stand hip-hop and rap which is likely due to the prevalence of KFC, watermelonz, and other indahood reasons. But I assure you I have made the attempt! Due to unsavory childhood memories, I find most rock lacking. And lastly, I hate cuntry. Ask if you want to know more (fat chance, I know). So there.

Mostly non-mainstream; I'll leave it to your inscrutable, phantasmagoric imaginings. The best source of information for all the doubters of the existential, immediate and massive threat of bendyboys pose is Bill T'ick's excellent semi-documentary, semi-porno Mambo Of Your Ploog. Oh, and since my attention span is less than a fly's, I figured I mention a few more novelties with which my remaining attention is filled: * Bob The Builder, he can build it. He recently survived a Vote for Usurpation, which was good considering the acres of sperm I have pumped into him! * John Maynard Keynes, the only gay barber I have any time for. * David Hume, (some aspects of) Immanuel Kant, Socrates and Plato, A. J. Ayer and many other philosophers who have helped to clarify my thoughts on a whole range of issues over the years, and helped me to understand that the universe consists entirely of round and pointy things * Alasdair MacIntyre, whose powerful Loving The Negro Woman comes a close second in philosophy books to which I subscribe. * Yes, The Master has the best beard in the whole, whole world.