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- FFR 8th Official Tournament - Division 6 - Top 8
Tis The SeasonPosted on: December 2, 2013, at 09:45:45pm
Just to join the seasonal avatar bandwagon, my avatar is now Colin Mocherie standing in front of a field of Santa Clauses. 9th Official Tournament - Dramatic EditionPosted on: October 31, 2013, at 04:26:36pm
ROUND 5: to luv me i *** for u (Reprise) (4-0-0-0)
A long time ago... I can't remember how long ago it was. The voice that used to wake me up used to tell me how many days I was in suspension. Last time it was working properly, it was 50 days. The next time, it repeated the numbers "9... 9... 9... 9... 9..." and the room I was held in was a total mess. Point is, it was a very long time ago when I originally defeated her. But that explosion knocked me out, and someone or something must have brought me back into this hellhole. I had no way out.
Now I was back in the bowels of the Stepmania Science Facility, completing hazardous simfile tests with my patented keyboard gun and listening to GLaDOS's snarky remarks. (I had to wonder how she even got here from Aperture Science. I would have asked, but I had a very minor case of severe brain damage and couldn't speak anymore. She wasn't fond of texting, either.)
As I walked over to the next test, GLaDOS belted out yet another snarky remark at me. "Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises-"
At that point, Where's Bill by Venetian Snares began playing an an extremely high volume. It didn't play very long, just long enough to get in the "WHERE'S BILL?!?!?!" part.
"I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
"I have a surprise waiting for you on this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves hitting two directions you will be seeing for a long time."
Oh great, I thought to myself. She must mean trills. Really long trills. I just hoped they weren't as bad as, say, Crowdpleaser or Death Piano or something.
So my next test appeared in front of me; a t+pazolite FGO stepped by Halogen. Of course she'd shove t+pazolite down my throat. I mean, I enjoy his music, but it always lends itself to hard simfiles, something I don't need in a life-or-death scenario.
1000 notes in, I was still struggling to figure out when this "surprise" was coming up. GLaDOS, of course, reassured me. "I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. Initiating surprise in three... two... one."
Yep, there they were. Trills.
"I made it all up. Surprise."
But the real surprise was how well I ended up hitting the trills. I finished the song with a nice 4 goods clean FC. I'm sure I could have prevented a couple of goods, but whatever.
"Oh come on..." GLaDOS whined. Disappointment could clearly be heard in her robotic voice, but shortly after she seemed to bounce back. If she had a face, I would imagine there would be a large smile on it as she spoke her next words.
"I've got a surprise for you after this next song. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real difficulty spikes this time. The ragebait stuff. Our last 80-89."
Screw you GLaDOS, I thought to myself again. If only I had some combustible lemons...
ROUND 4: Love Hurts (Lonely Dance Mix) (6-0-2-4)
Jumpstream... She was the love of my life. The key word here being "was". Oh, we used to have great times together. Me and Jumpstream used to skip along to FREEDOM DiVE for days, tackling 222.22 BPM dumpfiles together.
But then the zombie apocalypse happened.
One fateful day in November, Jumpstream was bitten by one of the zombies and turned into a frightening, hideous creature. 240 BPM jumpstreams that were arguably easier than FREEDOM DiVE, but... uglier. Strange to hit and too fast for me to sustain for long periods of time (unlike NEED ME, which Of course i'm Able and aBle and abLe and ablE and ABLE TO HIT BECAUSE THEY'RE SHORT AND WITHOUT JUMPS), the love of my life tried to murder me. Love really does hurt doesn't it?
I don't think it was even the fact that she tried to kill me that hurt so much. It was the fact that I had to kill her just to survive. As I chopped her into bits with a keyboard-chainsaw hybrid, all I could think was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry". Each stain of red that splashed upon my keyboard-chainsaw, another "I'm sorry". Any more "I'm sorry" and it would have sounded like a #1 90's boy band hit.
But the deed was done. It was a sloppy kill - not even a FC - but it was done. I survived.
RIP in peace, jumpstream.
ROUND 3: The Steel Monster Above the City (4-0-0-0)
I woke up in an alarmingly dark room and broke into panic.
I clamped down to a metal chair by custom-built vices which locked my legs in place. My arms could move freely, but there was nothing to break me out of this trap. It was just me, this chair, and a Dell computer with a stock Dell keyboard, and some generic brand speakers.
For a moment I tried frantically to break off the vices somehow. That of course proved to be no good, but when you're in such a state of panic like this, logic and reasoning don't exist.
And then, all of a sudden, the computer turned itself on. It seemed like whoever used it last didn't click Start - Shut Down like you're supposed to when you shut down your computer, so a message came up about how the computer was "improperly shut down" and "would you like to start in Safe Mode?" A disembodied hoarse voice called out "Start Windows Normally. Click it." Not having anything better to do at the moment, I did. Windows continued booting up as normal. The desktop appeared. Clearly this person didn't know how to change their desktop, because it was that obnoxiously green rolling hill default background that Windows XP comes with. There were just two shortcuts on the desktop, too. One was Adobe Flash Player 10, the other was titled Round3.avi.
The voice called out again, "Click the video."
So I double-clicked the video. Windows Media Player opened, and the video began playing.
"Hello Ron," the creepy ventriloquist dummy began, "You may not know me, but I know you. You've been a D6 FFR player for quite some time-"
"Tasslefoot, is that you?!" I shouted out over the video, missing what was likely nothing too important. I was well aware of my status as a D6 fiffer.
"Shut up and watch the video!" the disembodied voice shouted back. "And no I'm not Tasslefoot!"
The video continued playing.
"-hold a grudge against simfiles with heavy amounts of rolls and refuse to play them when possible, even though you should be quite capable of scoring well. Just look at your Pure Ruby blackflag, still a blackflag after all this time. 11 FGO AAA's and you won't take the time to practice a simple FMO.
"I want to play a game. In front of you is a Reshiram file called The Steel Monster Above the City. This is the Round 3 file for your division, and you have more than just the 32nd rolls and peepee water to worry about. If you do not make it to Round 4, the entire room will flood with real peepee water, and you will drown. Oh yes, there will be goods.
"Let the game begin."
Go To Library
Play Previous List
Once I was finished screaming in agony, the voice said "Okay, now X out of Windows Media Player and open up the flash player. I already played a couple of times on the R3 engine. Just click File and it should be on the drop down list."
"Thanks, I guess," I shouted back, and loaded up FFR.
"I really hate Saw sequels," I muttered under my breath as the first notes flew up the screen.
An agonizing 7 days later with nothing to eat but month old White Castle, the round ended. Somehow I squeaked by with 4 goods clean. Not a great score, but the important thing was I made it.
The metal door opened quite loudly, and a bright light flooded the room. Better to be blinded by light than drown in peepee, I thought. In the door frame was Jigsaw, riding a Rainbow Dash themed tricycle.
"Eww, you're a Brony?!" I never thought I'd be asking that question to a subpar horror movie villain.
"No!" he shouted back at me as he rode up next to me. "Some jerk stole my tricycle, so I had to steal my brother's tricycle." He paused for a moment, and then said, "If he finds out I stole his trike, he'll never let me forget it."
The surprisingly agile ventriloquist dummy hopped off his brother's tricycle and began to undo the vices. It felt so nice being able to move my feet again.
"Congratulations, you have survived. Some fiffers are so ungrateful to be in Division 6. But not you. Not any- URPH"
But it felt even nicer being able to kick the runt clear across the room.
ROUND 2: Great Battleship (AAA)
I waited. And I waited. And waited. Waited. I waited all night. I waited. Did I mention I waited?
But what was I waiting for?
I was waiting for the clock to strike twelve so I could grab my AAA and be on my way to Round 3.
Ever since I caught eye of Great Battleship in the preview video, I was infected by love. She was like a miniature Weapon. Weapon, however, had been drinking heavily lately. Technically we were still together, but I wanted to be apart.
It was finally midnight. My affair with Great Battleship was about to begin.
Needless to say, I was a bit shy at first. We had just been formally introduced, after all. Great Battleship assured me it would be okay as she began to send the first few arrows in my direction. I sincerely hoped she would have started a bit easier than a short 32nd stream, but I hit them with ease anyway. It was clear she liked to play rough, and I intended to play rough back. She smiled, winked, and sent more arrows at me. Gently I stroked each arrow, then pressed harder as I gained confidence. I smashed her long jumpjacks and destroyed every last jumpglut. Our love only lasted for two plays, but it was the most exhilarating two plays I had ever had in a long time. She wasn't sure if she'd ever get to see me again, so she gave me a AAA to remember her by.
She was a sweet young stepfile. She really was. I feel rather guilty, actually. A few days later I did it again with SOLROS. But during that entire time, I kept thinking of how much I wanted to be back with Great Battleship. I hope she understands I just needed a good 1300th public AAA.
ROUND 1: Guile of the Rime King (AAA)
It was nearing the end of October when the Tournament began. My heart sank as I watched the preview video; Round 1's D6 song contained fast 32nd bursts to breakcore. Fission had successfully guessed my weak point in what my paranoid mind could only assume was an attempt to purposefully knock me out in Round 1. What a total embarrassment that would be considering how many people predicted me to go all the way.
I started up FFR's R^3 engine and played the lower divisions' songs to warm up. As much as I wanted to play The Whip all day, I knew I had more important things to do. The whole world was watching.
Guile of the Rime King instantly proved to be my worst fear; the annoying 32nd bursts seen in the preview video were impossible for me to hit properly, as I had predicted. Once, just once, I got through the bursts cleanly, only to dump two BS goods on what should have been fairly easy sections. Every other attempt was the same; either I dumped two or more goods on the bursts, or I missed an arrow entirely.
Again and again I played, but to no avail. Sweat ran down my forehead with each failed attempt. Then, realizing my heater was on at full blast, I turned the stupid thing off to see if that would help. Alas, it did not. Dozens of failed attempts later, I pounded my desk in frustration and ragequitted. Two good would have to do for today.
I had recurring nightmares during the next few days. Orange arrows would fly at me and laugh. "Nyah nyah, you can't hit me!" they would shout. Many sleepless nights were had, wondering how the holy hell I was going to AAA this round.
Finally, on All Hallows Eve, I finally mustered up the courage to try again. First try, about 300 arrows in, I realize that my offset is one frame late. That wasn't going to help. I adjust the offset from +3 to +2 and try again. The 32nd bursts between notes 600 and 700 came rushing at me, like a freight train. Much to my surprise, I hit them with alarming accuracy. All perfects. My heart pounding and my hands shaking, I tried desperately to control myself on the rest of the song. Nerves couldn't stop me. No, not this time. I had to AAA the song at all costs!
The song at long last came to the last few notes. "Don't choke now", I repeated continuously in my head. "Don't choke now, don't choke now, don't choke... Don't..."
After hitting the final arrow, I was blessed with a total of 2,042 perfects. Take that, Fission.