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#1 |
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FFR Veteran
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Okay so, my 4 year old niece is living in my house most of the time, and I've discovered now that she doesn't listen to anything. She doesn't listen to a single thing, and my sister(her mother) has to always be assertive about things, and it doesn't usually work, she whines about everything and she always lies about things. So today, my sister wanted me to be assertive to her daughter while she gets ready for work. She simply told me just to be straight up assertive with her, like yell and stuff. So I did what I was told, and she practically doesn't listen to A THING I say. I told her to sit down on the couch, and I had to say it about 5,000 times, and every time she actually listens, she just gets right back up and we have to go through the same thing. Then she does the "puppy dog" look and starts purposely crying. My sister has been very stressed out because she doesn't listen, she said that her daughter almost got hit by a truck yesterday because of her listening skills.
I also think this is largely influenced by her father. The parents are split up, so she's always stuck in the middle. Her father is a lazy ass 31 year old still living with his mother, and can get away with anything. Their house is so disgusting, they have two dogs that never get taken care of, and I'm sure their house has plenty of rats. The father is unemployed, he's been like that almost his whole life( which is why I mention he can get away with almost anything). My sister now has a restraining order against him, and he doesn't even pay full childcare, especially when it's needed. But my real question here is, what does it take for kids to listen? At least a kid in the situation of this, or do all kids act like this? I'm the youngest in my family so I wouldn't really know of growing up with any young children in my house. |
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#2 |
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FFR Player
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the kid is 4 years old. i wouldnt expect a 4 year old to listen all too often. the only advice i can offer is a good beating will always work no matter what
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#3 |
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FFR Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In your anus. Right corner
Age: 27
Posts: 1,002
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I think rewarding the behavior that is wanted is good way to teach a kid but in a moderate way so that it won't be spoiled. Added to that it's ok to punish a kid for bad behavior but not by beating it constantly. Once in a while if the behavior is bad but I think it should be more like : You acted bad, you don't get to go too the zoo or something like that. Oh and by beating I mean more like spanking.
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#4 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York
Age: 32
Posts: 1,279
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Yelling at a child when the problem is already there does not work. The child is spoiled and in order to "fix" her, there needs to be structure and consistency in her life. Her mother/your sister deciding one day to be assertive with her does not sound like she is consistently "assertive". It's more like when she is fed up with the behavior. Everyone in your household needs to come with up with a plan on how to discipline the child, and I can tell you right now that yelling will not work. It also is not your job to discipline the child. You yourself are a child and ideally the only peeople that should be disciplining a child are the adults around her, preferably her parents.
Tell your sister that she should consider parenting classes if she has no idea how to handle her child. Ideally, positive reinforcement is very effective when dealing with children, and punishment should ONLY be used as a last resort. And by punishment I do NOT mean yelling. I mean taking her OUT of the situation that she is throwing a tantrum in and putting her somewhere she can cool off and away from all stimulus. In other words, time out. For a five year old, a five minute time out in a chair or on a stair case is appropriate. Nobody should speak to the child during this time, and if she tries to leave the time out area, you put her back where she was sitting over and over until she complies whether she is throwing a tantrum or not. This does not involve yelling or even speaking to the child. You simply pick the child up and put her back onto the seat without making eye contact. Just some methods I have learned in behavior modification classes. As far as positive reinforcement, you reward good behavior. When she is behaving nicely you tell her what a good girl she is. Consider giving her a cookie. It sounds like you are training an animal, but realistically, what are children? They need to be trained.
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The weight of what I say depends on how you feel. Last edited by Rubin0; 01-18-2011 at 08:21 PM.. |
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#5 |
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FFR Player
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beating is also another way
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#6 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York
Age: 32
Posts: 1,279
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The weight of what I say depends on how you feel. |
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#7 |
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Forum User
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ADD?
Seriously.
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#8 |
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FFR Player
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nothing wrong with it as long as bruises arent left
nope
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#9 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York
Age: 32
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I wouldn't even say it's completely her father's fault. The fact the child was in the middle could have contributed heavily to this. Two separate households means two completely different set of rules or lack thereof. And if neither home provided a structured environment, then this is probably why this happened and why she is completely out of control. Diagnosing her with ADD is completely incorrect and honestly it's not her fault.
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#10 |
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Forum User
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Maybe your sister taking her daughter to a doctor to find out what the problem is.
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#11 |
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FFR Player
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from what ive seen being in the middle is the cause of her lack of listening/respect.
oh i see what madmatt is doing
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#12 |
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Forum User
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What am I doing, juicebox?
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#13 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York
Age: 32
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^^^ Trying to pump the kids with sedatives. That's the easy fix, many times for parents that have no idea what they are doing.
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#14 | |
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FFR Veteran
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Quote:
And I don't think she needs parenting classes, she does the usual spanking. When I was watching her for about 5 minutes today, she hit me purposely and I specifically said that you don't hit people, and that it's not nice. My sister overheard me, and gave her a good ol' spank to the ass. But she still doesn't learn, it's like it comes in through one ear and out the other. I think another problem might be that at her dads house, they speak some spanish there, which could become a problem, she could be mixing up words. She has speaking issues, but she is in speech class. It's almost like she does everything bad on purpose, and spanking really isn't enough for her to learn her lesson. |
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#15 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jun 2006
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Are you being serious? Spanking does not work. You think this is effective over a parenting class? Wow.
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#16 |
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FFR Veteran
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Not everybody has time for a parenting class, my sister works, goes to college, and she has to do all the driving to drop her daughter off to the father, and still wants to mantain a social life(but that really isn't going well). This is an old fashioned alternative and it works sometimes. You have to realize that spanking means that you actually mean it. If a child gets spanked in the ass pretty hard, wouldn't you assume they wouldn't do what they did again? Yeah, I would, but her father is the reason why she does this. There's literally no rules for her, she wants to live that lifestyle, but that's not the way things work at my house. My Mom raised 5 kids, and she even said that.
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#17 | ||
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FFR Player
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Quote:
Quote:
a good reward you sister could give her daughter is money. every time she does something good or does what she's suppose to do -without- being told more than once she could get a dollar a quarter or something. i did this with my brother and sister and i plan to do this with my brother next year
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#18 |
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x'); DROP TABLE FFR;--
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,334
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Do not spank or hit. Don't be a ****ing dumbass.
Don't yell (heightened voice is OK) -- just ignore her if she's trying to obviously get attention. Little kids fuel their energy on the reactions of others... they're like little trolls. You have to learn to ignore them when they do this because then they have to figure out how else to get your attention. Also don't tell them to do things for the sole purpose of having them follow an order. It'll make no sense and they'll wonder why. There needs to be some sort of palpable logic to your commands other than "Because I said so." Reward good behavior immediately and ignore her when she tries to pull shit. If there's anything a hyper kid hates, it's being ignored. |
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#19 |
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FFR Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In your anus. Right corner
Age: 27
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Playing a game they like with them can also be a reward. Also, one key factor for a child to listen to you is respect. Which is kind of hard to obtain, but can be by enforcing rules (there is still a limit). It might take some time but it's definitively possible and the rules can be brought in place with the system of rewards and punishments.
It also helps enforcing rules if the mother has a consistent attitude towards what she finds unacceptable so that the kids knows how the parent will react if she does something. Punishing on a whim is not a good way to punish. Rewarding on a whim though is good (if the child as been good of course). Last edited by Artic_counter; 01-18-2011 at 09:42 PM.. |
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#20 |
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x'); DROP TABLE FFR;--
Join Date: Nov 2010
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OMG you guys.
Spanking does NOT ****ing work. Stop saying that. All it does is cause you to be submissive and fearful and it usually causes residual psychological damage and deeply-rooted abuse/trust issues. It's like trying to pull weeds by painfully chopping off the tops when there are usually safer ways to get at the roots that are ultimately more effective and less harmful. |
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