What does it take for kids to learn?

[virus003]

Originally Posted by who_cares973

multiple language wouldnt be a problem it just means she starts to learn more than one language. she wouldnt be mixing anything up.

a good reward you sister could give her daughter is money. every time she does something good or does what she's suppose to do -without- being told more than once she could get a dollar a quarter or something. i did this with my brother and sister and i plan to do this with my brother next year

I guess it could just be speech problems.

And I can see money as a good alternative considering I've got a load of spare change I could give my sister, I don't use coins too often. Then my sister could "buy" something with the money that she's saved up over time. Is that what you're trying to get to? Because that does in fact, make good sense. I'd have to supply the money since money is really tight for my sister, and like I said before I've got spare change, but I don't mind. It's good to help out family members in need.

[Rubin0]

I'm sorry but if your niece is in danger, then your sister's first priority should be her daughter, and not maintaining a social life. If she is running into the middle of the street because of her misbehavior then obviously spanking is not working. She can rebuild her social life once her daughter is under control.

If she is doing everything right, spanking is working, and yelling is working, then what's the problem?

[Rubin0]

Dude it's obvious that you are more likely to follow advice from random people who you think are elite FFR members over people that have actually studied and have a degree in psychology/a focus in behavior modification.

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

She's four. She'll grow out of it. I think you're worrying yourselves over nothing. The important thing is that you continue to correct her. Be consistent in terms of distinguish wrong from right. But again, she's four. So don't expect too much out of her.

[who_cares973]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

OMG you guys.

Spanking does NOT ****ing work. Stop saying that. All it does is cause you to be submissive and fearful and it usually causes residual psychological damage and deeply-rooted abuse/trust issues. It's like trying to pull weeds by painfully chopping off the tops when there are usually safer ways to get at the roots that are ultimately more effective and less harmful.

not true with me or anyone in my family or anyone i know that was spanked. spanking too much of for no reason is when problems arise.

whatever im doing leads to yelling and yelling leads to hitting better stop when i make her yell or i get hit

that is how i thought of things and rarely got hit because after the first couple times i realized how the process went

[virus003]

Originally Posted by Rubin0

If she is doing everything right, spanking is working, and yelling is working, then what's the problem?

They're not working, that's the whole point of why I made this thread. She needs to learn discipline and respect, I know that's a lot for a 4 year old, but it's the same shit everyday with her, and I don't like being around that environment. I think most of the yelling involved is because my sister actually doesn't get enough sleep throughout her day.

[who_cares973]

Originally Posted by virus003

I guess it could just be speech problems.

And I can see money as a good alternative considering I've got a load of spare change I could give my sister, I don't use coins too often. Then my sister could "buy" something with the money that she's saved up over time. Is that what you're trying to get to? Because that does in fact, make good sense. I'd have to supply the money since money is really tight for my sister, and like I said before I've got spare change, but I don't mind. It's good to help out family members in need.

yeah this is what i was talking about

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Adolescents don't respond very well to authority. In all honesty, you should consider taking a different approach. Reward her when she does something good - as this will obviously provide her with incentive to behave good in the future. When she does something you don't approve of or behaves badly, you don't necessarily have to be assertive with punishing her, but maybe you should try depriving her of things (play time, cookies etc.).

[Rubin0]

A 4 year old is not an adolescent.

The reason spanking doesn't work is because it doesn't teach the child what is right. It teaches a child to fear you and prevents the behavior from happening in your presence. Instead you have to make the child want to do good all the time instead of not wanting to do bad in front of you.

And claiming that she is four is not an excuse. Spoiled four year olds turn into spoiled 14 year olds that turn into spoiled adults that cannot conduct themselves well in society and generally have self esteem issues.

[Reincarnate]

Originally Posted by who_cares973

not true with me or anyone in my family or anyone i know that was spanked. spanking too much of for no reason is when problems arise.

whatever im doing leads to yelling and yelling leads to hitting better stop when i make her yell or i get hit

that is how i thought of things and rarely got hit because after the first couple times i realized how the process went

yeah ok good luck spitting in the face of well-tested psychology

Originally Posted by Rubin0

A 4 year old is not an adolescent.

The reason spanking doesn't work is because it doesn't teach the child what is right. It teaches a child to fear you and prevents the behavior from happening in your presence. Instead you have to make the child want to do good instead of not wanting to do bad in front of you.

^This

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Baby? Whatever. That's not really the point, lol. The point is you should focus more on providing her with incentive as opposed to just flat out laying out the law and expecting her to go along with it.

[Artic_counter]

Oh ****, I just realized I'm wrong. I just looked from Rubix's perspective and yeah, yelling and spanking is a great way to **** a kid up. It not only destroys the bond between the parent and child but also greatly affects him psychologically.

Damn, now I feel ashamed.

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Originally Posted by Artic_counter

Oh ****, I just realized I'm wrong. I just looked from Rubix's perspective and yeah, yelling and spanking is a great way to **** a kid up. It not only destroys the bond between the parent and child but also great affects him psychologically.

Damn, now I feel ashamed.

Yep. Spanking is more or less ineffective. It breeds abusive habits in the child that more than likely will be passed on to the child's child and so on.

[virus003]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

OMG you guys.

Spanking does NOT ****ing work. Stop saying that. All it does is cause you to be submissive and fearful and it usually causes residual psychological damage and deeply-rooted abuse/trust issues.\

Spanking clearly shows that "you don't do this again" type of thing. It doesn't cause psychological damage, the kid's ****ing 4 for christs sake, you think they're gonna remember getting spanked until they're 90 years old? No, it is a lesson being taught physically, and it shouldn't cause trust issues, kids usually get over being spanked within a few minutes and they behave regularly. It's meant to teach a lesson, not cause trust issues.

Were you ever spanked?

[kmay]

back in the day when kids werent pussies. both of my parents got spanked and most likely all of yours did too. From what i see, they had great relationships. Spanking can teach a child right from wrong(I am an example) if done correctly. The parent cant just resort to spanking when the child is out of line. they need to give the child a chance to fix the mistake. if they do straight for the spanking that could potentially **** up the child

[MinaciousGrace]

**** kids society doesn't need them whether they listen or not

[Rubin0]

Also, hitting a child promotes bullying and the children are more likely to be bullies throughout their lives and are more likely to bully their own children.

[virus003]

I can see all of your guy's points through this, it sounds like spanking should be limited or just not done at all. Then what is an alternative for a child to learn not to do certain things?

PS I thank all of you for actually thinking in this thread, it really keeps things going, and it teaches me some things.

[Reincarnate]

Originally Posted by virus003

Spanking clearly shows that "you don't do this again" type of thing. It doesn't cause psychological damage, the kid's ****ing 4 for christs sake, you think they're gonna remember getting spanked until they're 90 years old? No, it is a lesson being taught physically, and it shouldn't cause trust issues, kids usually get over being spanked within a few minutes and they behave regularly. It's meant to teach a lesson, not cause trust issues.

Were you ever spanked?

Are you retarded or just trolling me? Because if you seriously believe what you just said, then holy mother of poop I fear for your kids.

Spanking just teaches a child to fear you, and yes it does cause damage. I was spanked constantly as a kid and it caused a lot of problems for me for a long time. Even though my father was killed in a car crash, do you know what I feel for him? Absolutely nothing -- every single one of my memories with my father involved him either hitting/spanking me or punishing me over something retarded. I was never close to him, nor did I trust or respect him. It was just a massive aura of fear.

Eventually, what happens is that a kid who is spanked doesn't actually change the underlying behavior. It's like when you hit a dog constantly -- eventually it whimpers and cowers when you do nothing but simply get near its head. It'll still shit/piss in secret -- it'll just figure out how to do it without you noticing. It's not a healthy way to change behavior and it absolutely causes damage.

The problem is that hitting/spanking is a very "easy out" solution. It's the first thing that comes to the uneducated parent's mind -- "Oh, I'll just threaten the kid with beatings until it stops doing what I don't want it to." It's a lot harder to figure out safer ways to change behavior because it usually involves a combination of patience and careful guidelines. People who hit their kids are usually the kinds of people who were hit themselves. Don't be a dumbass by perpetuating the cycle. Pick up a goddamned parenting book or take a class or SOMETHING. Hell, just *Google* it.

[Reincarnate]

Here, plenty of fodder

http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&h...2bee5a4a93f9a3

There's tons of really useful info that you can apply to your own situation.