Tell me your life story.

[GammaBlaster]

Jan 14 1998 - I was born

2002 - I went to preschool for 3 months, then got moved to some kind of English class because I knew very little English (I knew more of my native tongue); I was also very socially awkward and always have been

2004 - Got out of...English class and started Primary School without going to Kindergarden at all. Developed anger issues, too. If I was told "go away", I'd get mad. Managed to establish a very small circle of friends, even though I was a Year (Grade for you Americans) higher than them, which was not good for my first year of high school. Also started to learn the piano this year. Didn't improve until my 4th year of playing the instrument.

2006 - Got Internet access for the first time. Played a lot of Sonic fangames and various flash games (Miniclip, Crazymonkeygames etc.). Started playing RuneScape and DragonFable.

2007 - Stopped playing RuneScape, but continued playing DragonFable. Found out about Club Penguin and signed up for it under Cleaner88. Became really interested in computer malware after coming across the video "Spyware Rubbernecking".

2008 - I performed Fur Elise (really despise that piece now thanks to overhearing) in a school talent contest. I won a trophy. I was really surprised of myself. I also started playing StepMania. I used a spread setup as soon as I started, because I never liked the one-handed/three-finger style of play. However, I played one-handed spread for half a year before switching to seperate hands. I didn't use CMods for the first year because of my SMFreak influence (he despised CMods).

2009 - Appared on the Internet as Cleaner88HPi (dumb moniker I used because I couldn't think of anything else when I first signed up for Club Penguin in 2007; HPi is really just an arbitrary part of my old moniker). I started stepping and submitting to a few packs. Received a lot of infamy because most were terribly executed vibrating files/resteps; that infamy died out by 2011. Couldn't take criticism. Eventually developed this "WORST SIMFILE EVAR" mentality which I got over after a "brutal" event in 2010.

2010 - Overcame anger issues and started high school. First year was terrible for me since I got bullied by...girls (kept getting called rapist/pedophile (it's hebephile you fools)), and the only friend I had who was the in the same Year as me betrayed me and called a "stalker" in front of all of his douchebag friends. There was this one girl who took it too far and I couldn't use self-defense because of the double standards that applied. I also acted like an idiot back in KBO. When FFR came back, I didn't have the will to post anything at all. I also despised most of the community at the time (elitism was really fucking strong back then). I got rightfully brutally criticised by Rog for making a shitty joke file (take a guess what it is). I stopped playing piano. Overall, a shit year. One good thing that happened was that I managed to play StepMania with a projector on, which redeemed me from the whole "rapist/stalker/"pedophile"" deal, at the expense of receiving hundreds of fingering and virginity jokes. At the end of the year, however, my simfiling capabilites got better. I tried to surprise people by the next HSMP (12), except that pack got left in the dust by the time it was finally released in 2012.

2011 - Changed my moniker to GammaBlaster. Shit for the first 4 months (almost every circle of friends ditched me during this timeframe), then it got better and better. The one circle of friends finally stop ditching me and gave me a chance. Also, during the time I got ditched constantly, I started to play RuneScape again just for nostalgia. My god, the game changed so much, but I also met a great group of friends who I talked to almost all the time in a clan chat (TehNoobShow) that helped me ease through the first 4 months, and I still talk to my RS mates to this day. By the second half of the year, we all got into a computing class with a teacher that was unable to control the class; we all played Halo CE through the school's LAN. So much fun. Also showed off StepMania and played I Just Had Sex stepped by IcyWorld. Got a shitload of virginity jokes again. Club Penguin deletes my account for inactivity.

2012 - I started playing the piano again. I also saw that the SM community finally snapped out of the elitism bullshit so I opened up a bit and submitted a few files to a couple of packs. They ended up being left in the dust, just like my HSMP12 files. Stopped playing RuneScape after losing motivation to get 77 Dungeoneering for Rigour.

2013 - Started playing FFR lol

I could write more, but I can't be bothered so eh

[SC_coolguy44]

So here's the story of my life:

On October 5, 1991, I was born in Oakville, ON (Canada).
When I was ~5yo, I was diagnosed with HFA (High Functioning Autism).
A lot of my life, I had really struggled socially because I was shy and not really good at starting conversations (better at it when i was younger than I was now).
When I was 14~ yo, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. This really changed my life because it prevented me from doing things other people are able to do (ie. drive a car)(which is related to the career I want to go into (automotive repair). Now that most shops require the mechanic to have a driver's license, I don't really know if I can go into that field because of liability reasons.
In 2010, I graduated high school, but I went back for an extra year so I could do a field placement in an auto shop.
In 2011, just under two months before I turned 20, I had moved for the first time.
Just a few weeks after that, I had started college. I was studying automotive repair.
About a year later, I asked my first girl out, but she rejected me and I didn't really know what to do from there, and I am still clueless.
A couple months ago, I finally decided it was time for me to drop out of college because I was just wasting my money on classes that I was always failing and I honestly wasn't learning anything from the way the professors taught the material to the entire class in a hands-on program.
This month, I have gotten accepted at a volunteer placement at a centre for children who are underprivileged and have to go under the care of someone else. What I will be doing there when I start next month is clean the toys that the kids play with.
Also, as of right now I'm still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life. I know I want to fix cars, but if I'm unable to because of safety and liability reasons, I have to think of a backup plan fast.

[Samwais]

I will definitely contribute later. You will get to hear the story of a long-time forum stalker ;w;

And top, all the props in the world for making this thread. This is a wonderful thing.

[moches]

I WAS GOING TO DO WORK TODAY.

but here goes. also this is not-yet-finished but hopefully still informative!

I was born May 24, 1995 to two Korean immigrants in Monterey Park, a stone's throw from Los Angeles. My sister (who has a LOT to do with my life) was almost two. My father was in the middle of studying for a PhD, a supposed five-year process that ended up taking something more like fifteen; in the meantime, my mom was working to support him.

Truth be told, I don't remember a lot from my childhood, so a few stories...

My parents tell me that once I ran across a highway and managed to survive. I didn't know it was dangerous at the time. I also jumped into a fake lake at a restaurant, forcing my dad to jump into the water. With his suit on. Whatever other faults my parents have, I owe them for my life.

My first memory is of vomiting my PB&J and grape juice back into my teacher's wastebasket at preschool; apparently it didn't go down well. I still can't stomach that combo. And I still hate white bread. The teachers also told my parents (or so my parents tell me) to enter me into a private school, since my intelligence was above-average or whatevs. My mom wanted to, but my dad worried I wouldn't get proper social interaction and kept me in the public school system.

My elementary school was Marengo, a school of 600-something kids in the suburban paradise of South Pasadena, California. Again, not too far from LA. I got just about all of the social interaction I needed here. And by that I mostly mean that the other kids shat on me since I was in English Language Development, and once my after-school's head counselor humiliated me in front of the entire camp when he found out I had relieved myself in the bushes in front of Marengo while waiting for his bus. I searched for his Yelp page a few months back, and apparently this sort of behavior is a recurring feature: no less than three one-star reviews, all from different parents. Didn't make it any less traumatic when it happened.

There was this other time when the guys in my 3rd grade class were passing around a stupid joke, the one about adding "it" to the end of every phrase. (Spoiler alert: the librarian says "sh--it." Hardee har-har.) Of course it's fine when they share it among themselves, but the moment I tried to share the joke with somebody else, they told the teacher about the dirty joke I was sharing. That basically sums up most of my elementary experience.

Family life, while better, was...frankly kind of awful. It was tied to my dad's church life, since he was a senior pastor, and that meant my behavior got put under the microscope of an entire church. Oftentimes he'd smile tightly while I ran about with the other kids, and then later at home he would beat me and my sister while yelling about the awful things we did. He also tried to get me to drink milk because he wanted me to grow taller (even today, I'm only 5'6"); every day after school he would pour me a tall glass and tell me to drink it in ten seconds, brandishing a wooden spatula he'd use to beat me if I didn't comply. Even the smell of milk makes me throw up, but I held my nose and gulped all of it down.

There were cartoon characters on those glasses. Tweety. And I think the Roadrunner, too.

I also learned what my penis does when I rubbed it for too long. Notably, this was to a cartoon superhero. So the evidence suggests I may have been gay/bisexual from the beginning.

When I look back on this period of my life, there were a few things going on. First of all, I began to see myself as a natural outsider--this made me anxious about social situations, obviously. This is also where I developed a lifelong habit of sticking up for bullying victims. Seriously, FUCK bullies. Second of all, I began falling into negative cycles of behavior where I would be too clingy to anybody who was new or nice to me and end up driving even more people away. Most importantly, I developed a lifelong need for affection in every sense of the word: even now, remarks or gestures that other people would shrug off feel like they cut to my bone. I still sleep with stuffed animals. I'm more openly touchy-feely with my emotions and I HATE giving criticism or being a dick more than anything. It's not a pleasant feeling or a healthy pattern of behavior, but I still struggle to step out of it.

Especially because, well, it's actually beneficial in some ways. In a perverse turn of events, being the target of so much underhanded shit opened me up to my sense of empathy, which I consider to be my strongest point. It also made me more friendly and positive (to escape my dad's wrath and to make friends).

I also started playing Stepmania when I was seven. For the sake of brevity since this is already long as shit, here's a column about that side of things. I'll mostly keep this autobiography to non-Stepmania stuff.

Things started getting better in fifth grade. We started having Knowledge Bowl events, where I found out I was actually pretty smart with math and knew a lot more trivia than most other kids my age. I also developed a strange obsession with ocean liners after watching Titanic and have a relatively extensive knowledge of them to this very day. I also met Ryan, possibly my best friend ever, just because we were seated together and clicked. Before I met him, I thought he was a judgmental snob, but as it turns out he is one of the sweetest souls you could ever meet.

Middle school was pretty awesome. Did math team, met one of the most influential teachers of my life. Found out about the school library and tried to read 50 books in a year (made it to 47, for what it's worth). Became friends with the math team peeps and everybody in Ryan's circle, which is...a lot of awesome people. Yay!

I also jerked off a lot.

All was to change very soon, though. Remember how my dad was in America to study and stuff? Apparently he took fifteen years to do five years' work (less because he was lazy or anything, more because raising kids is serious business), and he finally got a job in Korea with his shining new PhD in 2007, right around when I was in seventh grade. And we had to move to stay with him.

I mean, I could have chosen to stay with any of our family friends, but...at the end of the day, family's family. I don't know. Sometimes I wake up and I want to run away, sometimes I look at my mom and remember everything she's done for me.

Yeah, actually, let me digress a little bit to talk about my family.

The man of the house is kind of a fundamentalist Christian. Hardcore supporter of the Korean Republican Party and basically has beliefs in line with everything the American GOP believes, which has only become a problem for me recently. Spent most of his life physically beating me and has now mostly resorted to verbal warfire. Despite this, he's humorous, occasionally warm, and more affectionate than he lets on. And to be fair, if I were a former Marxist who was arrested by his government, subjected to three years of military service--basically torture--and almost murdered during my tenure, I think I probably would have turned out the same way. This is a complicated story, but I try to forgive him for as much as I can and try to be the bigger person about the rest.

My mother is one of the most beautiful people I know, but sometimes I look at how damaged she is emotionally. She went through more married to my dad than I can really expound on here, and sometimes I feel like she's still trapped.

My sister...wow. She's probably affected me most directly. But I don't feel like writing anymore right now, so I'll stop for today. Part two for tomorrow.

[NeoMasterPie]

Moches your writing is really something else
I have trouble putting my personal experiences into words although I think part of that is that I want to forget most of them

[moches]

awwww, Aaron <3 <3 we're here to listen.

[MarioNintendo]

Alright I have to say something. I'd want to post my life, but I've had such an easy life so far that I feel it'd be out of place. I feel bad for having had it easy compared to you all, and it makes me feel even worse about myself, holy fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me ugh.

[moches]

Originally Posted by MarioNintendo

Alright I have to say something. I'd want to post my life, but I've had such an easy life so far that I feel it'd be out of place. I feel bad for having had it easy compared to you all, and it makes me feel even worse about myself, holy fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me ugh.

no, don't feel that way !! this is a place for everybody to come together and share our feelings and experiences. nobody's story is any more or less valid than another's.

i would love to read about your life if you'd like to share it.

[MarioNintendo]

Well what the hell, here goes.

Born in 1993 from a young loving couple, had a nice childhood from what I can remember. My brother joined in when I was 3 and he made me hate him because my parents were always after him, taking care of him, while I still felt like I needed more of their attention. I went to kindergarten, where I met a guy I still talk to to this day. Because of that, going to school was a piece of cake for me and I was doing really great. Fast forward to my 11th grade (or 12th? (is that how you call them guys? here we called it "secondaire 5")), I was one of the kids with the best grades in my classes and I studied the less. I was full of enthusiasm and of hope about everything and I had so much imagination, wow.

Oh, there is one thing that sucked for me I guess, from secondaire 2 to secondaire 5, I was desperately looking for a girlfriend, not to feel less alone, but because I really needed to know how it felt like to be physically and mentally close to someone other than your family. I used to respect girls so much (fuck I still do) that, while I was great at talking with them naturally, I couldn't get close to them or say put my arm around them. I was so stiff. I think I liked close to 30 girls during those years, and none of them gave me what I wanted rofl. I hold a personal diary and I do remember writing from time to time something like "there we go. I found an interesting girl. She's really pretty and really smart, but I guess it's just the beginning of my cycle. See you next month, I feel my heart will already be broken". And then, the next month, indeed, I'd start with something like "Well there you have it. She broke my heart. She went with another guy. Now I'm alone again."

Yeah that was probably the suckiest time of my life. Not because of poverty or death or divorce or anything else, but mostly because I was having a teenage crisis and I felt even worse about it because a) the only people I felt confident to tell them about this situation were the very girls I was hunting, which made them stay away from me and b) I didn't feel I had the right to cry because it seemed like such a meagre problem compared to other problems my friends had, I felt like it would be doing them a disrespect to ask them to "lift me up" in my situation. So I just let that pain grow inside of me and in spite of being a truly talented, blessed fellow, not addicted to drugs/alcohol, not living death from the people I adored, had plenty of money to fulfill his desires, I just felt super alone and gritty and just very cynical.

One of my childhood friends who had been in love with me for a while got herself a boyfriend. It made me realize how pretty she was. So I started seeing her more often, and she fell in love with me again. One night, when her boyfriend wasn't there, she kissed me. It was the first time I ever kissed a girl. I was super happy, but now I feel rather bad about it. It almost destroyed her couple and she had to stay away from me until she felt stronger. This took me by surprise because it was the first time I was in a middle of a love situation, compared to being the usual neutral guy who would fix other people's problems in the past.

I then had my birthday the next year. Now being completely hopeless, I just tried stuff I wouldn't have done before like holding hands when she didn't see it coming or talk more abruptly. idk. being more of a brute. I guess it worked. I had this girl who looked smart and pretty and gave nice hugs which I found cute, I invited her to my house to bake cookies and study for our exam which was next week. And then we just started liking each other and kissing that very same day and we were now a couple, something I really hadn't predicted. I initially felt bad about it, because I still had so many girls in my mind, but now I feel good because I realized that each and everyone of those girls were chosen by me because somehow I thought they'd break me apart someday.

Sex at first was really really hard and made me lose confidence in myself. It took me a year and a half to get good at it. I almost lost my girlfriend 3 times because of it. I felt so ridiculed, you have no idea.

I've been two years with her and I love her to death. Sometimes we have our disagreements, but we're both very intellectual, so we are able to admit when one is right or wrong after cooling off. Right now, she's in Cuba. I hope she doesn't die there. I didn't go because I spent too much money on video games and now I have to save my money for my studies (but don't tell her that).

Yesterday I felt pretty bad, but I guess it's because it was late and I was tired. I talked to Godnick in chat and it made me feel better.

To tell the truth, in case some people realized I post less and am less active around these parts of FFR, it's because I feel like the weird/crazy/shoutout guy again, and I hate to be seen as that guy. There's one mindset that I've always had, and it's that "people don't realize that clowns are the people who should cry the most". I need your support. When I step something, I need people to tell me it's awesome over and over again, even if I act like I've had enough. When I post, I need people to quote me or to do whatever. It's selfish, but it's something I need desperately. When I try something funny, I really need people to tell me how they reacted. I'm the "need feedback" guy. And it's so hard to say it because I'm basically begging for your attention, when all I went is to acquire your attention in a true, real natural "not cheating" way.

[Arkuski]

Originally Posted by MarioNintendo

To tell the truth, in case some people realized I post less and am less active around these parts of FFR, it's because I feel like the weird/crazy/shoutout guy again, and I hate to be seen as that guy. There's one mindset that I've always had, and it's that "people don't realize that clowns are the people who should cry the most". I need your support. When I step something, I need people to tell me it's awesome over and over again, even if I act like I've had enough. When I post, I need people to quote me or to do whatever. It's selfish, but it's something I need desperately. When I try something funny, I really need people to tell me how they reacted. I'm the "need feedback" guy. And it's so hard to say it because I'm basically begging for your attention, when all I went is to acquire your attention in a true, real natural "not cheating" way.

[Reincarnate]

Originally Posted by MarioNintendo

When I post, I need people to quote me or to do whatever.

Quotin' you now, biyatch!

[MarioNintendo]

Originally Posted by MarioNintendo

And it's so hard to say it because I'm basically begging for your attention, when all I went is to acquire your attention in a true, real natural "not cheating" way.

Now quoting myself!

[mi40]

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[devonin]

Man...this would be a horrible idea. Can't do it.

[MarioNintendo]

Originally Posted by KgZ

I'd write something up, but I'm terrible at telling a story.

Geez, at this point, seriously, who cares about whether or not it's well told. Just get it out. If you need help, open the song Epitaph from King Crimson on Youtube while you write. It'll pull the words out for you. At least, that's what I did!

[Arch0wl]

I pretty much looked like a Hitleresque psychopath midway through my story so I don't think anyone else has much to worry about

[devonin]

There's a difference between being an asshole and being a freak. Part of being an asshole is not caring if other people think you're an asshole.

[tosh]

Didn't mean to write this much lmao.

August 1991: Born with tube wrapped around my neck.

Birth - 1994: Didn't say my first words until I was 3 (first hint of a possible ASD). Started normal speech shortly after being hit in the head with an errant soccer ball.

August 1995: Entered pre-school. Don't really remember anything from pre-school, so I'll assume it was normal.

August 1997: Entered kindergarten. Easily impressionable kid who got "in trouble" daily for leaning back on my chair. First time in a long-term group setting with more than 5 other people. Terrible at coloring.

1998 - 2000: My talkative stage (first through third grade). Not necessarily out of a need to socialize, but just because I didn't know how keep my thoughts inside. Start of my regular gaming was buying a PlayStation in December 1998. Was really into Pokemon for about 2 years - would say 'Pikachu' like it was a verbal tic. A close family friend dying brought a quick end to that.

2001: Started to quiet down. I remember one time flipping shit for receiving a low grade on an assignment because there was no explanation on what we were supposed to do.

2002: Started listening to mainstream hip-hop because the new kid in class was always talking about it.

2003: Had the flu for the entire month of February. top moved to town in the latter half of the year.

2004 - 2005: First time that sexual attraction ever passed my mind. Discovered the internet at this time. Still mostly normal aside from really not wanting to play football (and being forced to due to it being part of our P.E. class).

2006: Pretty much the beginnings of my current self. Started posting on the GameSpot forums under the name 'ff7fan2'. In March I started re-watching anime and was shown FFR. Started delving into EDM when top and I were messing around trying to see who could live the longest on EHHS. In other words, DJ Sharpnel is directly responsible for my current musical tastes.

2007 - Early 2009: School, hanging out with top, and wanting to start college in order to get away from my hometown.

Late 2009 - 2010: Senior year of high school. Put SM/FFR on hiatus for awhile. Kinda stopped hanging out with top in order to build relations with my classmates. Realized how much of a dick move that was when I got shitfaced at a party in July 2010 and he was the one who drove me home. After that I started getting headaches from alcohol, so now I just stay away from it.

August 2010: Started college. Quickly found out that the social scene in college is no different than high school. Dorm floor was full of loud and obnoxious douches save for my roommate. Thank god for that. Don't talk to him much, but he's one of the few people for which I hold a favorable opinion.

August 2011: Switched from Computer Science to Psychology (focus on Biopsychology). Later found out that I pretty much only enjoy psychology when it pertains to myself and/or when it is abnormal. Also, writing papers is the bane of my existence.

January 2013: Switched from Psychology to Accounting. Still no ultimate goal in mind, but taxes sounds pretty fun. My grades the past year or so haven't been too great, but that's because I've been a lazy of piece of shit. Took this summer off from classes in order to get my priorities back on track. Have high hopes for this upcoming semester.

Parents divorced in May 2006. Mom easily won custody of myself and my sister. Forced to work at the family farm (dad's side) in the summer of 2006 when my mom and sister took a trip to Europe. That job is the sole reason for my social anxiety. An already quiet teenager working with loud people speaking only insults doesn't yield very great results. Being new + being the manager's son made me a target for those insults.

Joined the Team Blaze Skype chat in December 2012. First time that I encountered a group of people that I enjoyed talking with in real time. You guys are pretty gr9. J'sayin.

I am terrible at keeping regular contact with anyone. I pretty much never think "oh I wonder how so and so is doing." Even though I had a high school graduating class of 9 people, I haven't seen or talked to any of them in over a year. A few I haven't heard from since graduation (3 years ago).

Growing up, I didn't think too highly of my dad. All the way until I was 20, I thought of us as polar opposites. In the past couple of years, that opinion has slowly been changing. Now I feel that I share more similarities with him than anyone else I've ever met. The short heart-to-heart we had about a week and a half ago reinforces this belief.

Oh, forgot to mention my older brother throughout this thing. He has played a huge role in me discovering my interests.

[PaperclipGames]

I feel like I should read everyone's posts properly before I post my own; otherwise it just doesn't feel right.

However, this means I probably will never post my story here.

Which, secretly, I'm quite glad about.

While I like the thread and its intentions, it is difficult for me to grasp how you guys feel comfortable sharing your life stories like that, on a public board. There are some things, at least in my case, that not only would be really awkward, but potentially dangerous to post here, and which I've told only one person at this point in time. Do you all have such a big trust in this community?

[mi40]

what are people gonna do lol

nobody gonna fly over to berkeley and shank me