most retarded moments EVER!!!

[Crashfan3]

Heh, another thing about Christmas trees, my friend was putting lights on his and was in a real hurry (doctor's appointment or something he had to get to), gets all done, starts to walk away, trips, tree falls on him.

Why?

He had unknowingly tied himself to the tree with the lights.

Took him about ten minutes to get undone, and then another five to get the tree lights up correctly; he ended up being late for his appointment. XD

[Cabbage9]

This thread should be renamed "The Most Awesome Things You Did in School EVER!!!"

Today at L.A. I and II:

Substitute: "Today we are going to talk about--"
Me: "--crack cocaine!"

He didn't hear me but everyone else did.

[sgt_possum]

One time, I went to jump over a trash can, hit my foot on it, and Smacked my face on the ground(at school)

Then, behind my bio teacher, I was mocking her, And she turned around and hit me.

[DRangedTeddyBear]

At work...

It was 6 hours into a busy Saturday and Steve, no longer my coworker, screamed the f word over the speakers.

My ex-coworker, Jen, was finishing her last day and in celebration she jumped up on her register and started booty dancing. Said act was caught on security camera.

Multiple customers walking into the 'Exit' door. One after another.

I was working register, ringing up a customer. It was a really slow night, so the store was totally silent except for the buzzing of the air conditioner and the beeping of my scanner. The drawer of my register slid open and I gave the lady her change, she walked out the door and I sorted my credit card slips.
As soon as I slammed the drawer shut, there was a large crash and I watched as merchandise, which had been stacked high on a shelf, all collapsed.
As my boss relayed to me, JP, my coworker, decided to climb up on the steel shelving, which usually holds the furniture, and hide from everyone for a while. It was empty when he got up there, he didn't realize that the steel was fairly wobbly, due to the fact that my boss was in the middle of taking it apart when he had been distracted by a customer in need.
Apparently, JP fell off the side of the steel, landing on the stack of bean bags that sit next to the mattresses. The force of the fall caused the mattresses to fall like dominoes, which spawned a chain reaction where in the end two shelves of bulk packed ramen noodles fell to the ground.
It took JP three hours to clean it up. Alone.

:3

[CambodianDaymian]

One time when I wanted to go to Canada, I got on the wrong plane and ended up in Greenland =D.

[Catasexuality]

On the way home to my house the other day.. my bf dropped his cig in the side of the seat and we both started smelling something burning and we freaked out and he kinda.. swerved and took out my neighbors mailbox. Dear god, I must have laughed for like 20 minute straight.

[fastfingers65]

I pants a kid in gym class today.

[phe0nixblade]

Originally Posted by fastfingers65

I pants a kid in gym class today.

I pantsed your mom last night. ;D

[purebloodtexan]

Originally Posted by phe0nixblade

I pantsed your mom last night. ;D

Hey, easy on the mothers...

Soccer camp stories

-A former friend of mine often goes riding with his friends and beats down mailboxes when they have one drink too many.
-Me, Jill, Tyler, Becky and Ashley (about three years ago) decided to go to the game room. While Jill and Becky were playing ping-pong, Becky sent a ball flying across the room. Jill, after picking up the ball, randomly hits it for some reason. It hit me right on the forehead.
-Two years ago, we had our morning practice rained out, so we had time to screw around. For the most part, all hell broke loose.
a) Soccer balls were bouncing everywhere.
b) Curtis took one sip of Monster, and his eye began twitching. He eventually streaked down the hall and mixed piss and sunblock in a bottle and put it in front of Chase's door.
c) There was so much commotion that one of the plates from the china cabinet fell.
d) We were all penalized.
-Last year was the beginning of the annual pillowfight. Chase (the counselor) suddenly began charging at a lot of us, and we all shouted "RETREAT!" and hauled ass (I managed to get a crappy recording of it on my phone). After hiding in some person's room*, Tyler came up and told us that the lady who owns the residence was pissed and was coming up stairs. We all scrambled back to our rooms, with me knocking half of my crap off my bed when I got into the bed.
-Chase often teased me about putting on lotion all of the time (I'm black, I have to). When it was bedtime me, Johnny and Connor couldn't stop laughing and screwing around. Chase came in and said "What, are you guys having a threesome in here?...Nick, hide the lotion." We laughed our asses off.

I probably have more, but they're not worth telling.

[Catasexuality]

Originally Posted by DRangedTeddyBear

At work...

It was 6 hours into a busy Saturday and Steve, no longer my coworker, screamed the f word over the speakers.

My ex-coworker, Jen, was finishing her last day and in celebration she jumped up on her register and started booty dancing. Said act was caught on security camera.

Multiple customers walking into the 'Exit' door. One after another.

I was working register, ringing up a customer. It was a really slow night, so the store was totally silent except for the buzzing of the air conditioner and the beeping of my scanner. The drawer of my register slide open and I gave the lady her change, she walked out the door and I sorted my credit card slips.
As soon as I slammed the drawer shut, there was a large crash and I watched as merchandise, which had been stacked high on a shelf, all collapsed.
As my boss relayed to me, JP, my coworker, decided to climb up on the steel shelving, which usually holds the furniture, and hide from everyone for a while. It was empty when he got up there, he didn't realize that the steel was fairly wobbly, due to the fact that my boss was in the middle of taking it apart when he had been distracted by a customer in need.
Apparently, JP fell off the side of the steel, landing on the stack of bean bags that sit next to the mattresses. The force of the fall caused the mattresses to fall like dominoes, which spawned a chain reaction where in the end two shelves of bulk packed ramen noodles fell to the ground.
It took JP three hours to clean it up. Alone.

:3

lauren, I love you. ahaha

[purebloodtexan]

Here's a soccer camp story I feel bad about...

Three years ago, we were having our first twilight match (evening scrimmage). The rule was that if you don't celebrate, the goal doesn't count. So when I did score, I started going crazy -- when the entire field was dead quiet. I turned back around and saw that someone had run into Ashley and that she had broken her arm.

[Cloud0005]

a few days ago, my friend was standing one a block of ice, and well it broke under him and he slipped off, hit his head on another patch of ice and his gut landed on the ice he was standing on FUNNY AS HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[devilsdeviousdancer]

every year my school's cafeteria has an x-mas turkey dinner with all the fixin's...so here we are everywhere in the school you can smell the turkey then suddenly the fire alarms are going off. This is Canada mind you so atm it's about 20 degrees below and about 3 feet of snow on the ground. All 1400 students and about 500 staff file outside into the weather and everyone is in t-shirts or tanktops because we're really smart in highschool. After about 5 minutes we hear sirens and we see 3 fire trucks pulling up and everyone starts cheering for no reason (we all think someone pulled the alarm) and they go in and we start to see smoke coming out of the roof. We stand outside for another 20 minutes or so till the fire chief or w/e comes out and announces that it was just smoke from the turkeys that set the alarms off...we have automatic fire alarms in some halls so when it detects smoke and/or large amounts of heat they trip the fire alarms.

[Jordan da Man]

Where I used to live, a few of my friends and I gathered 150 beer bottles and but them in a huge square. Then, I did a caveman from the second story on to them for a video for Jackass. I broke leg in 3 places and have around 40 scars on my legs. haha. Good times.

[ddrmaxextreme2]

Originally Posted by SysRq

You're funny. =/

~SysRq

only thing is though is that the thread is titled most retarded moments EVER!!! and the nothing happened comment IS retarded because it is supposed to be so i posted it in the thread...

[Crashfan3]

A while ago one of my friends thought it would be funny to line Fart Bombs all along six or seven of the classroom doors. We were sitting in the hall and every couple of minutes someone would open a door, and then you hear "POP! POP!" and then moans of disgust and stuff like "Oh my God, was that you Jared?!!?"