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Old 01-23-2007, 07:39 PM   #41
the_unda_doggz
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I hold the door for anybody.
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Old 01-23-2007, 07:54 PM   #42
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

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Originally Posted by jamuko View Post
I also learned a related thing the hard way... I never wanted a guy to pay for my food or anything like that. I felt guilty for using someone else's money, so I shoved money back in order to keep even. It wasn't until my parents informed me that I realized this could be taken in a rude "I don't like you at all, don't you dare think of paying for me!!" sort of way. ^^; It's a tough line to walk.
I sometimes offer to buy things for my girlfriends, and if they absolutely refuse, I'm not offended - some of them are just that kind of person. They can't let a guy [or anybody] pay for them because they feel guilty, and while I think it feels good to do nice things for people, I'm not offended if they refuse, unless it's in an obviously rude/spiteful way.
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Old 01-23-2007, 08:07 PM   #43
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Yeah, T3hDDRKid, what sucks is when in other situations, it becomes a paradox of guilt: person A feels guilty for accepting, person B feels guilty for not giving. Either way, someone feels guilty unless an understanding is met.

Me? I accept most of the time, and when it's a hot, nice chick, I act modest and decline, and get in bed with her later since modesty is attractive.
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Old 01-25-2007, 05:04 PM   #44
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I think its sexist to hold the door for just women, good manners should be used on all peoples
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Old 01-25-2007, 07:24 PM   #45
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I don't feel like spouting off a fountain of opinions today; I am far too tired. However, I do want to show how I feel about this issue. And if people could refrain from giving me a gigantic argument about it, just for awhile until I manage to come back here and get into the nitty gritty of it, I would appreciate that. I'm not saying don't respond to me, but I would certainly like to express my opinion here and not receive hostility. Just for now. I hope that isn't too much to ask for.

The holding open of doors for women stems from the idea that women are too weak to do things for themselves; primarily, that they need men to take care of them. By holding the door for a woman, you are telling her that you accept and love the fact that she is weaker than you, and you would like it to stay that way. It is a way of overpowering women.

But this is all just really deep inside the issue. On the surface, men like Guido who hold doors for women are not evil misogynist monsters. They are just trying to do a nice thing for the women in their life. That isn't too bad, in and of itself.

But the pattern in society of men holding doors for women is an example of the patriarchy and suppression of women that is inherent in our thought patterns, beliefs, and societal system. Guido (sorry to use you as an example, but you're cool and I actually read your post) doesn't hold doors because he thinks women are inferior; he holds them because he is a gentleman when he does so.

But from a systems perspective, this pattern or trend is damaging toward women.

You go out of your way to hold doors for the elderly, the weak, those who have their hands full..... and women. Which one doesn't fit here?
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Old 01-26-2007, 05:45 AM   #46
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Chivalry is somewhat of an out-dated terminology for these kinds of actions. Civility would be a more appropriate word.

It isn't just a gallantry towards women. It's a generally polite thing to do for anyone. As such it's really not done with ulterior motivation, and if there is it makes the entire action insincere.

I had issues with my ex-girlfriend about 4 years ago. She was the type of girl that called herself a "feminist" when in reality it didn't mean equality to her, it meant Women > Men. She would seriously get angry when I'd do things for her and rant about it saying how she could do it herself. I'd say "I know sweetheart, but I'm right here, it's not a big deal." Getting her a soda when I grabbed one for myself, holding the door open after I got to it first, and a number of other similar menial tasks. Eventually I stopped doing them for her because I got tired of hearing her bitch. It does happen lol. (and there's also a reason she's my EX lol)

I don't hold doors open just for girls. The idea of holding a door open meaning anything besides kindness should be tossed right out the window. Chivalry was an idea of general of expected behaviors, not about wooing women into bed. It's a system of ideal qualities in an upright and noble person. My buddy holds doors for me. I hold them for him. It's a matter of being the one to actually grab it.

I think one of the commonplace problems with modern society is that nice and polite actions cannot be taken at face value. That's the real underlying issue.
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Old 01-26-2007, 11:53 AM   #47
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I don't think this thread is asking about the situations in which you'll just hold a door for someone because you got there first. Almost everyone does this. And it's polite, no matter if it's a woman or man.

This thread is asking about the situations in which a man MAKES SURE that he holds the door for a woman, specifically because she's a woman. Even if she were going to get there first.

My boyfriend's like this. :s Ah well. He just thinks he's being a gentleman. (I have spoken with him about my feelings, but since I don't really care, and he prefers to hold it, well, I just let him.)
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Old 01-26-2007, 12:44 PM   #48
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

The priority of who the door should be held open for goes as follows:

1- Handicapped
2- Someone carrying a lot.
3- Elderly
4- Women
5- Siginfigantly older Male
6- Children
7- Males of the same age.

These rules are obviously for males only. Ideally you'd hold the door for everyone, but if not follow those rules.
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Old 01-26-2007, 01:00 PM   #49
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

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Originally Posted by archbishopjabber View Post
The priority of who the door should be held open for goes as follows:

1- Handicapped
2- Someone carrying a lot.
3- Elderly
4- Women
5- Siginfigantly older Male
6- Children
7- Males of the same age.

These rules are obviously for males only. Ideally you'd hold the door for everyone, but if not follow those rules.

you just pretty much described everyone, so make it simple
just be polite and hold the door open for everyone
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Old 01-26-2007, 02:15 PM   #50
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

DIDO
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Old 01-26-2007, 04:06 PM   #51
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I don't think they necessarily should. It is nice when a guy opens a door for me though. I don't expect them to do it, but when they do it makes me smile. Is that so wrong?
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Old 01-26-2007, 04:24 PM   #52
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

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Originally Posted by Rubin0 View Post
I don't think they necessarily should. It is nice when a guy opens a door for me though. I don't expect them to do it, but when they do it makes me smile. Is that so wrong?
sure? =/

but really, i hold doors for women.
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Old 01-26-2007, 05:27 PM   #53
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

There is nothing wrong with a girl smileing
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Old 01-26-2007, 05:40 PM   #54
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Anyone who says men should pay for women, hold their chairs out, open doors for them or do anything else "just because they're women", is sexist.

It's polite to do that to anybody no matter who they are or who you are. It's not manners to do something different for a woman, but isolating them from men and setting general standards for men.

If you're going to treat a general type of person a certain way, treat everyone that way.
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Old 01-26-2007, 06:40 PM   #55
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I think people are getting the whole holding the door open thing mixed up. When I think of a guy holding a door open for me I picture him standing outside and holding it open for me and letting me pass before him even though he got there first. Then there is casually holding the door as in not letting it slam in their face....which is something people need to do for everyone.
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Old 01-27-2007, 02:30 AM   #56
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I'd say that politness should in fact be a universal thing for people. It's always nice to recieve a gesture of kindness from someone. Even so make sure that you spread your own kindness as long as other people are doing the same. If people don't give courtesy to others, I have less motivation to direct kindness to them.
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Old 01-27-2007, 02:45 AM   #57
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubin0 View Post
I think people are getting the whole holding the door open thing mixed up. When I think of a guy holding a door open for me I picture him standing outside and holding it open for me and letting me pass before him even though he got there first. Then there is casually holding the door as in not letting it slam in their face....which is something people need to do for everyone.
What you just described is what was sort of established as OPENING a door for a lady.

The thread got derailed, though, and started talking about HOLDING a door for people, and then the terms got confused.

Nobody's disagreeing about holding a door for people, so can we all get back to opening doors?

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com
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Old 01-28-2007, 12:02 PM   #58
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

When you open a door the next step would be to hold open long enough for someone to walk through.
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Old 01-28-2007, 04:33 PM   #59
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

This is more of a question of morals....

Are you polite?
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Old 01-30-2007, 10:53 PM   #60
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Hold the dor open for a lady. This will bet you on good terms in her books. Actually, hold the door open for anyone, its just the nice thing to do.
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