My name is Sydney n everyday I give thanks to the Goddess I have two mounds upon my body I shave my legs, I sit down to pee I can justify any shopping spree I don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon, I can get a massage without a hard on I can balance the checkbook, I can pump my own gas I can talk to my friends about the size of my ass My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong. Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon Every time I go to the john I don't drive in circles at any cost, And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost. I don't brag about the size of my "cup" Hey put the seat down, cause I don't leave it up I spend two hours preparing for a date Only to find you're two hours late I don't watch movies with lots of gore. I don't need instant replay to remember the score I won't lose my hair I don't get jock itch And just cause I'm assertive don't call me a bitch I know when you're lying,you look at the ceiling. I don't wear the same underwear everyday The food in my fridge has no sign of decay Flowers are ok, But jewelry's the best, would you look at my face, and not at my chest! Don't say to your friends, "Oh yeah, I can get her." In your dreams hun, I can do better! I don't go to Sears to look at the tools I don't cheat at poker I follow the rules I don't smoke cigars I don't pay for drinks at bars I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi" And it's o.k. for me to cry I know all you men Think that you're "IT" But compared to a woman You just ain’t Shit! Don't call me a girl, A babe or a chick. I am a WOMAN, Get it, you prick?!!