For this is me, this is my soul, this is my mind, now I shall open the door to my heart …

I’m thinking right now of her… she who made me happy by saying yes, she who makes me tremble, she who her kisses make me fly into the deepest pits of my soul, pits that so resemble those to hell, for there I’ve put my old self, that one who is all I want to be, but I do not dare be, he who is cold, very enlightened, indeed a wonderful and crafty devil, she makes him tremble with joy, I allow him to tremble, she who can wake my old self, she who makes my new self cautious…

She who can make the simple magic that I need… love, lust, pain, desire, kindness, tenderness… my two selves: this one I am right now, the kind hearted man who would never say no to someone in need, and my old self… who can watch angels falling from their clouds and laugh about it, thinking that they deserve it, these two beings that live within me right now, to put It some way, heart and brain, reason and feelings, logic and madness, I do believe so… she can make him, who dwells in those deep pits and me, be one once again, soul and mind, together as they are meant to be never in conflict but in perfect harmony…

I don’t know what to make if this… if there is any meaning to this that would be that she… that wonderful woman… my beautiful queen , she who is so dear to me, can make me return to normal again, she can control the king of chaos… that’s how special she is to me.

As I lay here… blinded by this white sheet, I wonder, what am I? Where am I? Am I alive? Confusion…I flex my fingers, I breathe in, feel the life slowly being returned to me, closing and opening my eyes again, feeling cold in my nakedness, I remove this sheet, I feel pain, terror, loneliness, then I hear it, a scream ripping the air like a shattering cup against the cold floor, it was her who put me here, she who could not believe what her eyes saw, she who was so sure that this handsome boy was dead, that no breath of life was left in him, now she believes in miracles, now I close my eyes once more.

I open my eyes just to be blinded again, not by white this time but by a darker color, mother… hugging her child as she never hugged him before and never would again, so alien yet I felt towards this candid show of love… I know you, I know what you think, you never thought I would live, now you are relieved that once more you have your precious excuse to make your own anger flow free from you to me in the finest form of heart aches.

I lay here alive and trying my best to remember, a car, pain, nothingness, then the inevitable question, what happened?
Her eyes full in tears, she knows I must know, she hands me a paper, I struggle to see, no words from her, then terror… three hours, this paper said, my brain and heart ceased working three hours just 2 days ago I was quite dead… and then I think, three hours of non existence? What a blessing.

Lucky I am, or perhaps not, that not a single scar remains to tell the tale for me.