Dad's girlfriend.

[rushyrulz]

Originally Posted by Wize2B

how did you know the first time you met her that you did not like her?

Combination of the most annoying voice and the most annoying personality I have ever heard. She treated my dogs like they were saints and would actually knock on my door when she came over and shouted in my room "How come you don't come out and run circles around me like the dogs do?" I didn't care the first time, but when it became a weekly thing I got pretty pissed off to the point where if she said anything about me especially behind my back I was ready to get up and leave the house.

It was also my 19th birthday when I stormed out and I was no longer legally bound to stay at my dad's house. If we're getting into the gritty details, I stormed out opened the garage and started my car to notice that she was parked behind me. My dad comes out into the garage and I explain to him why I stormed out and I tell him to get her to move her car. So he goes back into the house and I'm waiting in my car for her to come out and move whatever. Instead he comes back out and says, "Uh she's not taking this too well and said that if she was getting between me and my son, she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore" (which is totally bullshit by the way, she was just saying that to guilt trip him so he would come out and guilt trip me.) So I can't respond to that since I just got emotionally assfucked, but there wasn't really an awkward silence or anything because he just went back into the house.

So my natural reaction is to call my mom, right? I just got guilt tripped by my dad and I'm mad at his bitchy girlfriend for saying shit about me and I was planning on going to mom's house. Dad comes back out and I hand him the phone because mom wants to talk to him and that bitch comes out a few moments later and throws my birthday cake through my driver's side window into my car (still in the bag and case still, but cmon), storms off back into the house to collect her shit to gtfo I guess, so I'm about to get my phone back from dad (and he lectures me a few week later about why I don't need to call mom about matters happening at his house, so I don't know what happened in that conversation but I'm guessing my mom gave him a piece of her mind) Then she comes out and starts flipping the fuck out on me (and that's when my dad conveniently ended the call with my mom because he knew she could hear the screaming through the phone)

Long fight short, she kept telling me I was acting like an 8 year old which is funny because I'm not the one throwing cake into a car, and telling me how much time and effort and shopping she's put in for me (and I never asked for any attention from her, nor did I particularly want it, she was way too confrontational and naggy for my liking anyway and I tried my best to make that known without saying it to her face), calling me a terrible immature person etc etc etc, while I'm just keeping my cool telling her to please move her car. Finally my dad pulls her away and she yells a resounding "FUCK HIM! FUCK HIM!" Then I get to wait my ass in the car for another 15-20 minutes while she packs up all her shit and finally leaves. I go to my moms house, cry for about 2 hours, have a couple sleepless nights, and stay at my mom's house for the next month or so, during which time I had no outreach from my dad and when my mom called him about 5 days after the incident he was actually siding with his now ex-girlfriend on half the shit that went down and practically ignoring that she totally flipped shit over a minor thing and ruined my birthday entirely.

They apparently got back together about a week after the incident which was the primary reason I didn't go back. Eventually, after about 25-30 days dad came over to mom's house to talk about it and he assured me she was a changed woman (which I didn't buy for 1 second), but I agreed to come back the next week. After a few weeks of staying at dad's house monday-friday (and leaving on friday afternoon because that's when she got there and stayed for the weekend) I decided to stay through the weekend once. I completely avoided her the entire time and only saw her once or twice when I came down to eat dinner. On Saturday night, he came up to my room and told me he broke up with her because she was allegedly still talking shit about me and saying she shouldn't have to apologize for shit, and other various reasons that led up to him breaking up with her (too controlling mainly). So I let out a sigh of relief and say good riddance and they haven't gotten back together since, so that's a good sign. Few weeks later before a football game, he said she e-mailed and told him she had some thyroid disease probably for sympathy or something, then he looked up the effects of the disease, one of which was bitchiness. But you can see my previous post for my reaction to that information.

So I'm living happily ever after since then. Sorry for holywallsoftext

tl;dr: bitch was talking about me behind my back, I left, she threw a cake in my car, we got in a fight (verbal), I never got an apology from her or my dad, he realized she was a bitch and they broke up.

[who_cares973]

my mom met my step-dad when i was 10-11. we go weeks at a time without saying a single word but i neither hate nor like him. he's just there kinda like a pet turtle

[YoshL]

my grandmother remarried after my grandfather died. He's amazing.

And parents are coming up on their 20th anniversary soon.

EDIT:
Also, i can also vouch for azn culture though.

[Vanilla Mnm]

I killed her. I'm not joking.

[TheNoSoMan]

Details or it didn't happen.

[irionman]

You've just gotta keep your pimp hand strong.

[Emithith]

Eheh..
It's not my Dad's girlfriend I have a problem with, it's my dad. lmao

Though my Dad's girlfriend is psychotic. (perfect couple, how cute. ♥)

[MarukuAntoni]

Milf?

[Wize2B]

Reuben_tate
That is a lot of people to keep track of.

Rushyrulz
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe all that happened on your birthday, the first time that you met her, if I am reading this right! If this was not the first time you met her, I hope that it was not that way from the very beginning and was your dad’s girlfriend ever nice to you?
You never did said what she said about you that was sooooooo bad that made you storm out, if you can put it on this forum that is! Still don’t see my dad’s girlfriend leaving, since she is so nice to me.

Who_cares973
That would be hard to be in the same house with someone that you barely talk to.

Yoshi
That is great.

Vanilla MnM
PLEASE, TELL ME YOU ARE JOKING!

[rushyrulz]

Originally Posted by Wize2B

Rushyrulz
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe all that happened on your birthday, the first time that you met her, if I am reading this right! If this was not the first time you met her, I hope that it was not that way from the very beginning and was your dad’s girlfriend ever nice to you?
You never did said what she said about you that was sooooooo bad that made you storm out, if you can put it on this forum that is! Still don’t see my dad’s girlfriend leaving, since she is so nice to me.

No that wasn't the first time I met her lol. I didn't really take too much offense at what she said that made me storm out, it's that she said something negative about me behind my back and acting like mommy knows best when she isn't my mommy. I decided I don't need to take that shit from her and left. (This was about a year into their relationship.)

[Wize2B]

Wow Rushyrulz, I’m glad that it was not the first time! I was hoping that I was reading it wrong.

So, was she ever nice to you prior to this incident, like my dad’s girlfriend is?

[rushyrulz]

Yes, but she was getting way too involved my life. And in the end she acted like it was a bargaining chip for my affection when she listed everything she did for me screaming into my car. I guess she failed to realize that I'm not a 12 year old and I don't need or want my dad's girlfriend to play mom for me. Oh I forgot to mention, during the tirade, she said, "I've done more for you than your own mother" which kinda set me off seeing as she doesn't know my mother nor has she done 1% of what my own mother has done. She was just a delusional, bipolar witch who annoyed me to no end.

[Wize2B]

Wow, thanks Rushyrulz, that makes me feel better! It sounds like your situation was the same as mine is and it helps to know that others feel the same way that I do, correct me if I am wrong.

Your dad’s girlfriend was actually very nice to you and did nice things for you, but you just did not want her around and could not put your finger on it. And, since you could not put your finger on it, it started to eat away at you. Is that what happen to you? It is what is happening to me.

I am at the point now, that I just try to do things that irritate her, but I do not do it when my dad is around. Did you ever do that?

[Koolmaster242]

Well unlike most will read this, but I understand most of these cases, and I, have my own issues, I'm going to leave this short :
My mom was a movie perfect mom, and so was my family, dad worked, came home from school, dinner was cooked everything.
Then we moved.
Money got tight, parents fought, dad had to leave for a few months, mom worked her ass off.
Then I learned my parents are drug addicts.
The last 3 years of my life my mom has been leaving for months and then coming home for a week.
I don't normally ask for help, but my dad WILL NOT leave my mom, even thought she's driven him crazy and into becoming a drunk.
Any suggestions? Btw, congrats Rushy on your happy after with your dad's gf problems c:

[rushyrulz]

Originally Posted by Wize2B

Your dad’s girlfriend was actually very nice to you and did nice things for you, but you just did not want her around and could not put your finger on it. And, since you could not put your finger on it, it started to eat away at you. Is that what happen to you? It is what is happening to me.

yes

Originally Posted by Wize2B

I am at the point now, that I just try to do things that irritate her, but I do not do it when my dad is around. Did you ever do that?

no

[welsh_girl]

My Mum are Dad are still together after 27 years and married 14.

Good job really, I know I'd be the one to cause problems with a step-parent. I would automatically dislike them and refuse to let them have any contact with my Daughter which I could only assume would cause hell.

[Reincarnate]

I haven't been back "home" in years. I don't maintain much contact with anyone in my family because most of them are very immature, ignorant, selfish, abusive, dishonest people. I can't count the number of times I've tried to "reconnect" with my family only to find that they're beyond reason and probably never going to change. After my father died, my mother hooked up with this much-older retired/wealthy sugar-daddy who was probably one of the most unpleasant people I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with. I just stay away from all that bs now.

It's very lonely, in all honesty... but I've got a new life out here and I'm happy with it. But it's an incomplete happiness. At the end of the day, we all want a stable family, we all want someone just a phonecall away who we can confide in, and we all want a place to call "home." Not having any of that is a bit alienating, no matter how many friends I have, where I live, or what I choose to do in life.

But still, you have to preserve your own sanity. IMO, you're better off separating yourself from toxic people, because most of them are just impossible to reason with no matter what. I was lucky enough to recognize absurdity early on in life, and steering clear of it has enabled me to do great things (top grades, the best schools, fantastic employment opportunities, a wonderful circle of friends, a stellar place to live, an amazing girlfriend, etc -- things you can't get if you're a nutcase).

Respect is never automatic. It's something you earn, and it's something you can lose. If a new stepparent is going to make selfish, inconsiderate decisions, then I will lose respect for them no matter who they are. Can we forgive those follies? Sometimes. Forgiveness is a funny thing. Forgiving mistakes is easier. Nobody's perfect, and sometimes things don't turn out as planned even if our intentions were good. Forgiving outright malice is much harder for me, and I rarely forgive it -- especially if it's unjustified malice or highly destructive malice.

Anyways, keep close those who make life better, and reject those who either want to hurt you or get ahead at your expense. You can't -- and shouldn't -- respect/please everyone. But that doesn't mean you should show undue disrespect to people, either. It's all about making reasonable, rational decisions.

[Vanilla Mnm]

Originally Posted by Wize2B

Vanilla MnM
PLEASE, TELL ME YOU ARE JOKING!

Do you think I am joking?

[Wize2B]

Sorry for the delay in the reply, I was gone all day yesterday.

Kookmaster242
I am sorry to hear about your parents. It sounds like they need counseling for drug and alcohol addiction. There are support groups for children with parents that have alcohol and drug addiction here in the states. You might want to look into it where you are. Here is a link to one that I found. http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Famil.../support-group I hope this helps.

Rushyrulz
Thanks for all your comments, I appreciate your honesty and input. After reading the posts by welch_girl and Reincarnate, I started to look at things from another perspective than the one that we are coming from. Even though you did not do small things on purpose to irritate your dad’s girlfriend, I wonder if just the fact that you made a decision not to like her caused your true feelings to came across in your reactions, weather you meant them to or not. I wonder if she could sense the fact that you did not like her; I am starting to think that my dad’s girlfriend can. Also, I think that part of my problem is that I hear my mom say bad things about my dad’s girlfriend. I do not know if your mom did that or not Rushyrulz, you have not said. Anyway, starting to think different and thanks again for all your comments.

Welsh_girl
You made me think due to the fact that you do not have a stepparent and know that you would not like them, without giving them a chance. Maybe it is just human instinct to not like a stepparent. So, if I think like this, it is not anything that my dad’s girlfriend is doing wrong, it is just the fact that she is dating my dad.

Reincarnate
That was very powerful and you made me rethink my position and how I want to react. You are right, family is very important. I do love my dad, he has been nothing but good to me and he deserves to be happy, especially since the divorce. Actually, as I said before, my dad’s girlfriend has only been nice to me. She has supported me in things that I do and, she has made an effort to make me feel like I belong and that she wants me around. I am sure that my dad would have only chose a girlfriend like this. I do not think that he would have chose a girlfriend that just wanted to ignore me and make me feel like she wished I did not exist. Like I said above, due to welsh_girls comment, I think that I was just deciding not to like her for the simple fact that she was my dad’s girlfriend and was not even trying to give her a chance. I guess, sooner or later my dad is going to have a girlfriend. I guess it is better to try and like this one, especially since she is good to me; the next one could really not like me and do mean things on purpose.

Vanilla_Mnm
To answer your question, I am just going to say yes and dropping it.

[Reincarnate]

Wize2B:

I think the most important thing you can do is put yourself in someone else's shoes and try to empathize. Divorce can be difficult, but eventually people do remarry. It's not always out of malice -- they just want to be happy, and they want to be with people they love and are compatible with. You're not obligated to like the stepparent, but there's no reason to be disrespectful towards them unless they are doing something worthy of disrespect. Stepparents are in the adversarial position of coming into a new (and previously established) family, and so there's always going to be a bit of skepticism and possibly anger at first.

But if they're good to you, then I think that's all you can really ask for. This is different from my situation, where the stepparent is not really a parental figure at all, but an outright sleazebag with no real intention of joining a family. Rather, it's just the act of selfishly taking advantage of a person that had just experienced a massive trauma. His rudeness towards me and my brother... inexcusable. His treatment of my mother... manipulative but outwardly "loving" to her (but her alone). It's like brainwashing. Encouraged her to drink, encouraged her to shut out her kids, encouraged her to lie, told her how to manage her money, etc... all for selfish gain. That's the sort of person not worthy of being called a "stepparent" -- not someone who is new to the family and actively trying to be kind, fit in, and show genuine support.