Hondas... Squirrels... Cookies
Posted on: September 3, 2009, at 11:29:28am

This was how my day went on Saturday.



I was walkin down the road, and there was this squirrel, and I said "DUDE, SQUIRREL!" and the squirrel said "DUDE, MIKE!" and I was all like DUDE and he was all like DUDE! and I was all like "where the fuck did I park my car?" and he was all like "why the fuck am I talking?" and we had a party, and long story short, squirrel vs. Honda= bad for squirrel. so anyways, then I continued walking down the road, and then I realized my shoe was untied, so I bent down to tie my shoe and was transported to the magical land of tamriel, did battle with this evil dude named dagoth ur, called him fat, insulted his mama, then went home, then CHEERED LIKE HELL as I watched Notre Dame get THEIR ASSES HANDED TO THEM by Michigan. I <3 the wolverines. so anyways, the final score was 47-21. To anyone who wants to know how to play football, they should pay close attention to the Michigan wolverines. They got it covered. So anyways, I decided to go outside again and walk down that road, when I saw the squirrel again, only this time in a full body cast, and I said "Notre Dame Sucks ass!" but he was a Notre dame fan, so he ran into the street to kill me, but got run over by a Honda again. (Honda: 2 squirrel:0) so anyways, I keep walking down the street, bragging to anyone who wouldn’t jump in front of a Honda about how Michigan (who was ranked 11th,) beat Notre Dame (who was ranked 2ND!!!! HELLZ YA!) Anyways, they eventually got mad, so I got arrested for 3 counts of murder, 6-armed robberies, one of which involved some candy and a baby, and 3rd degree burns. Don’t ask. So im bribing the cops, and who do I see? Mr. squirrel, back for a 3rd round. So I pull out my samurai sword, and he pulls out his glue stick, and we duke it out, right there in the mall. (Not sure when I got to the mall, try to stick with me here) after 20 minutes, I have a horrible gash in my chest, my sword is broken, and the squirrel is pinning my sword arm to the ground. I played possum, and he thought I was dead, so he ran back across the street. Guess who shows up? Our good friend Mr. Honda. Honda once again shows squirrel that in the game of Honda, Mike, squirrel, Honda always beats squirrel. So, i'm walking down the street again, this time with MY glue stick, going crazy and murdering small Notre dame fans left and right. Well, eventually, I ran out of glue, and I came home. By this time, the yard gnome has invaded my home, and I have to go back to tamriel to find something to kill him. I find it, and I come back, and I make the yard gnome into a slice of pizza. (Delicious, btw) so I team up with Darth Vader, and end the problem with Luke once and for all. So now, they are both going to counseling, and last I heard, they made it really far in group. So anyways, I decide to go home and guess what? I have 3 friend requests waiting for me. So I talk to Mr. squirrel, (he's alive and a good guy now) and I decide to add all those people, even though I only knew 1. So I decided to write my experiences down on this comment because I thought I’d share my day. Mr. squirrel attempted to go home, but there was a gang of Hondas waiting for him, and they gang-raped him, after which they ran him over many times. The current score in the game of Honda vs. squirrel is 36:0. Guess who’s winning? So at the end of the day, I saw Mr. Honda and I waved to him. I also learned how to speak Wookie, which I’m proud of, it’s a very complex language, you know...

The moral of this story is: cookies go better with milk. End of story.