a never ending fall-a poem made by me

[imajrockette]

I want to stop trying and i want to let him go but something is pulling me back. All i see is darkness around and there's no light at all.

I'm trying to escape this painful thing called life but all my hope is gone. I'll try to live and hold on becuase their are supposively people who care but i'm so lost and i don't want their help at all.

I'm really confused and i don't know how to feel about him...sometimes i hate him and at others i like him but i don't know which side to choose. Am i making the same mistakes?

He's so confusing at times...he's scary and mean but i still want him to be with me. I used to see the bright side of everything but now my vision is'nt as clear and all i see is darkness and i'm the girl you'll always see in the corner crying becuase all i wish for is a very silent peaceful death to come and take me away from this painful world that i'm in now.

i know that could never happen so now i grab my gun.i press the cold silver end to my head and...bang! i lie on the floor dead...

[Tokzic]

jrockette poems never fail to make me laugh

[imajrockette]

hahaha not!what the heck do you want?!you comment on all my poems and on all my poems your always a jacka**.your so lucky that we cant cus in the forums becuase if we could then you would get the worst cussing out ever for messing with me.stop being such a jack a** and get a frekkin life!

[Tokzic]

i'm not being a jackass i just appreciate comedic poetry

good job keep doing exactly what you're doing

[imajrockette]

oh...yeah.i undertsand..............its not suppose to be funny.so if someone killed themselves its funny to you?oh well.you have a weird sense of humor i guess...

[Litodude]

Someone is killing themselves! Lol!

[shatteredgravity]

its a little overly emo -.-.. but otherwise i agree with alot of this -- juuust not in the 'zomg imma kill myself' form

*hug..*

[ShastaTwist]

I feel like I'm morally obligated to report this to the suicide hotline.

[imajrockette]

Originally Posted by ShastaTwist

I feel like I'm morally obligated to report this to the suicide hotline.

okay first thing first.im not suicidal.i made this becuase i felt depressed.i would never kill myself.thats creppy 0_o.

[jewpinthethird]

Originally Posted by imajrockette

okay first thing first.im not suicidal.i made this becuase i felt depressed.i would never kill myself.thats creppy 0_o.

Why would you write about killing yourself if you've never been in such a position? How can you write about the emotions and thoughts one goes through the moment before he or she ends his or her life?

You're a fraud and your poem is a joke. I suggest you stick to writing about things or feelings you've actually experienced.

[beaner692]

+

[imajrockette]

Originally Posted by jewpinthethird

Why would you write about killing yourself if you've never been in such a position? How can you write about the emotions and thoughts one goes through the moment before he or she ends his or her life?

You're a fraud and your poem is a joke. I suggest you stick to writing about things or feelings you've actually experienced.

ugh!fine fine fine!!!jeez.ive been in the postion before okay.i wouldnt kill myself though since well...im scared to die since death well its painful unless its natural right?so i wouldnt do it.im not a frekkin fraud and my poem isnt a joke.when i make my poems i write from my heart and i try to put my feelings in words the best way i can.they may not be great but at least i found a way to deal with everything.

so since you wanted to figure out so bad their you have it but seriously im not going to sumbit anymore poems in this forum since their are alot of arseholes on here and people who think you want thier help and i dont but thanks for offering.

[ShastaTwist]

...

If you didn't want criticism, constructive or otherwise, why would you let anyone read your poems? Are you just wanting someone to spew out a "Oh, that's so good"?

[imajrockette]

i wasnt trying to be rude or anything i was just saying that...well i dont care about getting constructive comments or critism but dont you think tozic goes to far with his so called advice?

i want to get comments on my poems and get advice on how to make them better and i appericte your help but i mean like all i get on here are bad comments on my poems like 'thats so emo!' or 'your just a whiney tennage attention whore' and all of that.

thats all i get on my poems pretty much.i dont want someone to lie to me and say their awesome becuase i hate when people do that but trying to put me down isnt helping either.they can say "the poem needs to get fixed here and their and that dosent make much sense but im sure that you will do better on the next one just practice" or "good luck".atleast something like that instead of a whole bunch of put downs.

i hate that how that tozic dude keeps trying to make me seem like a attention seeker or something and all he does is comment on my poems and everytime he does its always some mean comment about how horrible it is and all.

im am just 13 so im not like some kind of genius on how to make a poem but its like he expects me to be some kind of genius.he never leaves me alone.hes like a frekkin stalker on my poems or something.its really annoying.

[ShastaTwist]

I've given you advice and you haven't implemented it.

[imajrockette]

im sry that i havent used your advice.its just hard to make the lines shorter becuase i dont know how to make poems like that.ive tryed to do it but it always comes out messed up and it was even hard to make this one since it didnt ryme and im used to makind them rhyme.how do you make the lines shorter though?

[ShastaTwist]

Originally Posted by imajrockette

I want to stop trying and i want to let him go but something is pulling me back. All i see is darkness around and there's no light at all.

I'm trying to escape this painful thing called life but all my hope is gone. I'll try to live and hold on becuase their are supposively people who care but i'm so lost and i don't want their help at all.

I'm really confused and i don't know how to feel about him...sometimes i hate him and at others i like him but i don't know which side to choose. Am i making the same mistakes?

He's so confusing at times...he's scary and mean but i still want him to be with me. I used to see the bright side of everything but now my vision is'nt as clear and all i see is darkness and i'm the girl you'll always see in the corner crying becuase all i wish for is a very silent peaceful death to come and take me away from this painful world that i'm in now.

i know that could never happen so now i grab my gun.i press the cold silver end to my head and...bang! i lie on the floor dead...

Tired of trying, I long to let go,
My attempts to be rid of him have failed,
The darkness is surrounding me,
And I can’t take this anymore.

This hurts so much, this thing called life,
All of my hope has been utterly crushed,
I have to live for these people who say they love me,
But if they love me, why don’t they understand?

I don’t know how to feel about him now,
He makes my life so hard,
But he’s so wonderful.
Am I making the same mistakes?

He confuses me so much with his viciousness,
And even though it’s scary, I still want him to be with me.
The bright side of everything is fading,
The silver lining is vanishing.

And I’m crying my eyes out,
Making these wishes for a painless death.
And there’s the gun,
My one true friend.

And I’ve come to the realization,
As I press the metal to my temple,
And pull the trigger back,
That I can never have what I want.






What you're doing is trying to say too much and using too many words when you can use five or six words in each line to say the exact same thing.

[imajrockette]

oh.your right since it likes a summary verison of the poem and it does sound more better when its shorter.your version does have less words and its also cleaner. i'll practice that then and i'll try to make the poem use less words.
thank you very much ^^