Forever This is Golden

[msbrunnettemickey]

Forever this is golden

Prologue
The white circles


Not remembering is a regular human thing, right? I mean… it’s not a sin or anything I just can’t remember.


I found her alive. But where was I? I started searching around the open areas of the school. Nothing. Went inside the basement, searched under fallen bodies and there I was under the heavy walls of the collapsed building. White circles were left on my cheeks, giving me a sign that there is still hope. I started to cry when I saw the deep wounds that the glass left behind. I traced the past nine years thinking about what I went through this past time. Now what am I going to do? Where do I go? I put my hands together, and when I was satisfied and made sure everything is in order I flew away.

Nothing was ever certain.


----------------------------
I just started. The idea popped in my head.

[FoJaR]

is english your second language?

[msbrunnettemickey]

Actually it's my 3rd. =)

[FoJaR]

okay, well maybe you should try one of the other two first.

[msbrunnettemickey]

Are you always that mean?

Anyways, this story is suppose to be about the bombing of schools in Israel.

I'm not going to make myself as the main character.
I'll make my sister the main character.

[FoJaR]

i'm not trying to be mean, it's just that it's easy to tell that english isnt your first language, and it would probably make a lot more sense if you wrote in the language that you are most comfortable in.

[msbrunnettemickey]

Um. Would anyone like to read Hebrew or Arabic?
Do anyone even know how to read that around here?

I have been speaking english for the past 8 years =/

[Grandiagod]

Then most of us would not be able to read it Fojar.

I usually agree with you on criticism, but not this time.

[esupin]

Originally Posted by FoJaR

is english your second language?

I almost soiled myself when I read that.

On another note, reminds me of the Ballad of Birmingham, only without the irony. It's not that bad as long as you clean up the grammar.

It's not like english has to be someone's first language in order for them to be "good" at it(I bet you didn't actually think that english wasn't her first language, though ). English is not my first language, either.

[FoJaR]

well then post your writing on an arabic or israeli forum, if you want responses.

if you're writing things for FFR, then i'm going to take you as seriously as i take chromer.

but it doesnt seem like that, so you should do yourself justice and write it in the language that gives you the most ability to express yourself.

[FoJaR]

Originally Posted by esupin

It's not like english has to be someone's first language in order for them to be "good" at it(I bet you didn't actually think that english wasn't her first language, though ). English is not my first language, either.

actually i didnt think that english was her first language... that's why i asked.

[msbrunnettemickey]

Well then it was a good guess, Fojar. =)

לתמיד זה יהיה צהב

העיגולי×� הלב×*×™×�


Haha.

[Farka]

Fojar your comment was rude. Don't take it seriously msbruttensmickey.

Now lets see some Arabian.

[Laharl]

I think the subject matter is definitely a good one, especially because I know you've lived through that yourself and it'd be neat to get an insider's view.

There's really not much to critique at this point other than that, though. Once you write more, let me know. I'm a pretty good editor, so if you want someone to spill over the grammatical aspects of the story, give me a hollar.