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Old 07-13-2004, 01:25 PM   #1
ayanepuck
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Default Guys: Could you marry someone who couldn't give you kids?

The only reason I decided to start this in here and not in the general forum is because I would like honest answers, and answers that are thought-out rather than wise cracks.
I have recently been inormed that a girl I know has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, so naturally, they want to remove her ovaries. This means no children of her own, ever. This girl comes from a very strong religious backround, and apparently, her mother hit the roof when she found out. The young woman is devistated, as I would be if this ever happened to me, and I was wondering what thoughts any of y'all had on the issue. I know that most women would be devistated. I know there is always adoption, but not having a child of my own would kill me. This also brought up the question of who will marry a person who can't bear children? I mean, I know most guys would not care, maybe even rejoice in the fact that they can have unprotected sex to their heart's content, but when it comes down to it, how many of you men would marry a woman who could not give you children of your own?
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Old 07-13-2004, 01:32 PM   #2
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I would marry the person if we were actually in love, and assuming she would want children too, we would adopt.

Simple :P
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Old 07-13-2004, 01:39 PM   #3
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What lego said, it's all about the love.

If two people truly love each other, the guy should put that aside just to be with them.

Same goes for the other way around, if the guy doesn't have a high sperm count or something.
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Old 07-13-2004, 01:51 PM   #4
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Yup.
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Old 07-13-2004, 02:30 PM   #5
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Marry for the money!!

No I'm joking. Yeah marry for love.
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Old 07-13-2004, 02:42 PM   #6
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Honestly, yeah, i would marry some girl who couldn't have babies. Yes you're right, i'd love the thought of enless unprotected sex anytime, but the fact that i wouldn't be able to be a father would be hard. Sure we could adopt, but its still really not your kid. That being said, If i was in love with this girl, i would be able to overlook all those things.
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Old 07-13-2004, 04:07 PM   #7
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I cant have kids myself :/ You would be surprised how many guys get a bit freaked out when you mention that you can't have kids. Even being as young as I am, I've had guys shy away from me because of it. Your right though, most guys will look over it. Especially if its a well developed and loving relationship.
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Old 07-13-2004, 04:21 PM   #8
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I was born with only one ovary and I am currently engaged to a guy who has always wanted kids, I just told him recently about it, but he stil wants to get married.
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Old 07-13-2004, 05:58 PM   #9
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If I were really in love with her, yes, I would, because adopted children can be just as much yours as if you had them. However, I do agree with Observer that it'd suck to not have any children of your own.

You mentioned the religious background. It's not a sin to get married even if you physically can't have children, but to get married with the intent of never having any is.

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Old 07-13-2004, 06:21 PM   #10
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Call me a sinner then. But anyway, I don't know if I would want children in the first place, so I would be fine with marrying a girl like that. At the moment, I would much rather adopt. Some kids in other countries and even here in this one, are bound to lead shitty lives if they continue down the path they are on. I would want to help them.
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Old 07-13-2004, 07:28 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CalibreneGuru
Call me a sinner then. But anyway, I don't know if I would want children in the first place, so I would be fine with marrying a girl like that. At the moment, I would much rather adopt. Some kids in other countries and even here in this one, are bound to lead shitty lives if they continue down the path they are on. I would want to help them.
Yeah, if you do that you are a sinner and god will hate you forever.

</sarcasm>

I would like to have children of my own...but a relationship is about love, not reproducing.
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Old 07-13-2004, 09:51 PM   #12
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How can you not want to have kids? Honestly, i think saying you don't want kids is just a phase. It seems to me that everyone will eventually have a natural instinct to want to be a father or mother, and that's what should happen. I remember not wanting kids, that phase lasted for about a year or so, but eventually it went away. I would be very dissapointed to die without being a father.
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Old 07-14-2004, 12:05 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xObserveRx
How can you not want to have kids? Honestly, i think saying you don't want kids is just a phase. It seems to me that everyone will eventually have a natural instinct to want to be a father or mother, and that's what should happen. I remember not wanting kids, that phase lasted for about a year or so, but eventually it went away. I would be very dissapointed to die without being a father.
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Old 07-14-2004, 12:14 AM   #14
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Children are nothing but annoyances.
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Old 07-14-2004, 12:58 AM   #15
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I wouldn't care at all. I don't desire to have kids, ever. If I had to have my ovaries removed, I'd really not care about not being able to have kids. All I'd care about is the nasty side effects.

Okay okay, I'm not a guy... but I think my opinion is valid too.

And about it being a sin, HUH? I didn't know that, and I thought I knew enough about religion. Well. To me, this just gives me extra evidence for why those particular religions suck. To me. Not bashing any religious people.

I hope I don't get over not wanting kids, because I'm in it for a different reason. Overpopulation. I know, I know, developed countries are NOT overpopulated. But I think the WORLD is overpopulated. Even one human is an overpopulation of humans. I don't want to help us breed.

At the same time, I don't just want everyone to DIE... I would probably want to adopt when that urge for having children comes.
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Old 07-14-2004, 12:58 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xObserveRx
How can you not want to have kids? Honestly, i think saying you don't want kids is just a phase. It seems to me that everyone will eventually have a natural instinct to want to be a father or mother, and that's what should happen. I remember not wanting kids, that phase lasted for about a year or so, but eventually it went away. I would be very dissapointed to die without being a father.
Very true. I've seen it happen to a couple of my friends. ::winks::

I love kids, and can't wait to have my own. Okay, so I can wait, but I'm really eager to get into a position to have them.

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Old 07-14-2004, 01:05 AM   #17
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I'd make a comment about position, but this is the critical thinking forum, so I'll refrain.
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Old 07-14-2004, 01:20 AM   #18
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Haw. :P Not really.

Now, for the side of all the girls, let's assume the guy they want to marry is unable to have kids. That makes it all fair and balanced, right? Right.

Anyway, it would be really hard for me, I'm sure. My dad asked me what the 5 top goals I have in my life are. Those are 1) getting married in a temple 2) raising a family 3) having a job where I won't ever have to worry about financial insecurity 4) writing a novel, and 5) knowing I made a difference in the lives of the people I call friends. In that order, I might add.

Family is an important thing for me. But, I know that love comes first... if there was a woman I met that was unable to bear children but I knew she completed me, then I'd be a fool to give that up. It's not the same, but adopting is a completely valid thing to do. I know I'd love an adopted child as much as any I was able to create.
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Old 07-14-2004, 12:57 PM   #19
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Family is exceedingly important to me, and I agree with y'all who are saying that not wanting to have kids is a phase. I know that for a fact because I was in that phase all through high school. (I was in a lot of other phases too, but that isn't the point here....) I think it is great that many men are saying that love is more important....it sure shot my opinion of the male sex up a notch...
One of my best friends has a nephew that I adore. I actually got to hold him for the first time I few months ago. He was getting fairly restless, so I started to sway back and forth, bouncing slightly. He fell right to sleep in my arms, and I have to say, that moment instantly became one of my top five favorite memories. Having a litte child feel safe enough to fall asleep in your arms was (and is) the most amazing feeling. When I think of how great that felt, I can't help but think about how much greater it will feel when the child is a product of me and the man I love. (I know, it's corny, but I saw Spider-Man 2 last night...ya know, it put me in a corny romantic mood.) =)
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Old 07-14-2004, 10:36 PM   #20
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yeah I agree too, you know i wouldn't make that the most important thing i look for in a woman, but it wouldnt stop me from marrying the person i love
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