Parents: A Little Too Much?

[Neonatrias]

I've noticed a sharp increase in the severity of disciplinary measures parents have been taking lately. Most notably, the people I know personally. Let me start off with a story.

Friday night, I was online around 1AM like normal. Nothing unusual had really happened. So I went into a chat with some friends of mine like I normally would. One of my friends, who for the sake of anonymity I'll call "Met," asked if I had talked to "Vie." Now, "Vie" is a very good friend of mine, as is "Met," along with everyone else in the chat.

"Met" told us some interesting news. Apparently "Vie" had talked to him minutes before, explaining how his mother was on a "Nazi warpath," as he put it. Apparently, such a thing had been going on for a long time. It finally climaxed Friday night, when she said she was kicking him out of the house on Sunday.

We were rather frantic; everyone enlisted all the help they could, because we only had two days to figure out what was going to happen. "Vie" has no one to turn to; he lives in California, and the rest of us live in the midwest or on the east coast. We figured out some temporary solutions.

Yesterday, I was given the news that "Vie" was not being kicked out.

Now, my problem with this is the fact that for some reason, we as friends seemed to care a lot more about what would happen to "Vie" than his own mother. This isn't the first time I've seen this, either; my own girlfriend's mother has threatened to kick her out on several occasions.

Is it a temporary solution? Yes. But it's only a solution for the parent; it lifts what they see as a burden from their shoulders. But what about their son or daughter? People seem to consider long-term effects less and less as the days go on.

Personally, I think it's becoming rather ridiculous. To me, it looks like more parents are running away from problems these days, rather than solving them in a productive and positive way. The sad thing is that it's become so common that many people don't see it as abnormal anymore. I'm sure there are many other experiences that would relate to things of this nature.

Personally, I have experience in these things as well. My own mother still uses the "because I said so" line every now and then. Sorry, but that doesn't cut it anymore. Get some solid reasoning before you start trying to force your ideals on me.

I've presented my opinion. I think some parents are trying to force their will upon their kids, under the reasoning that they are the adult.

Right? Wrong? Please discuss.

[whorlichan]

My mom has made several threats that I don't really think she'll ever actually go through with, but she's hella scary and can make me cry without even trying. Generally I run to my grandmother and sob as she says "Your mother would never actually do that, etc. etc." This is in regards to, not kicking me out of the house since I don't live with them, but removing me from the credit card that allows me to pay for food, not paying the mortgage on the house I do live in, not paying tuition, etc. For the record, I could never make enough money to do all three of those at once, and would probably have to drop out of school and not eat very often just to make the rent on a decent-sized apartment.

But I do know what you're saying. Adults aren't trying to teach their kids anymore, or actually do any kind of PARENTING, they're just saying "I am right, you are wrong, and this is because I am the adult and you are the child." Also, they are not leading by example, which I was always taught is the best way to do anything. Instead, they're using that line "Do as I say, not as I do," which no one ever listens to.

It's total BS. People should have to get licenses to have children. If you're adopting a cat or a dog, you have to prove that you can feed them and take care of them. You don't have to prove any of that to have a biological kid.

[GuidoHunter]

Originally Posted by Neonatrias

My own mother still uses the "because I said so" line every now and then. Sorry, but that doesn't cut it anymore.

So long as you're living at all under their wing, that line TOTALLY works. "Logic" is never a reason to disobey your parents, especially since they have logic behind their line that they just don't want to explain.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[Tonberry_Kid]

In some states, it is required to take a parenting class before you can legally have a child...Like if someone gives birth to a child, and they want it, they have to take the class before they can see and have to child.

But in my opinion, if you are stupid enough, they should throw you in a room, and shoot gamma rays at you so you can't reproduce anymore.

[iggymatrixcounter]

Originally Posted by GuidoHunter

So long as you're living at all under their wing, that line TOTALLY works. "Logic" is never a reason to disobey your parents, especially since they have logic behind their line that they just don't want to explain.

--Guido

Agree'd. It's like if you want to rent out an apartment you have to follow the owner's rules or you get kicked out. (I.E. no pets, no loud music) with your own house you make the rules, but if you live in someone else's house there's no reason that you shouldn't follow THEIR rules. "If you don't like it, then leave" was a favorite comeback from my parents. And since I couldn't make it on my own anyways, sacrificing some of my liberties and/or freedoms for food and shelter is ok with me.

[Neonatrias]

Guido, Iggy, I understand where you're coming from. Many times there will be some logical reason behind it. I was talking generally about trivial little things in which even when you ask for the reasoning, they don't give you any. Again, though, I do see the point you're making.

[ckj846]

I think personally that this is the wrong type of place to post this kind of topic in because it is going to be very biased as time goes on. I am still surprised that some 13 year old hasn't come in and spammed the topic already. Anyways, my view on the topic. I think parenting has just changed from generation to generation. I'm not saying it is better or worse, I'm just saying it is a lot different than say, your great grandparent's time. Because of all the technology we have now (Internet mainly) I think parents have become more protective of their children. Who knows what children might get into, especially with everything that is available to them. Parents I think use this as an excuse to punish and enforce their own form of "punishment". Although it may seem cruel and unusual, the real extremes are rare. For instance, in your example with your friend Neonatrias, the mom didn't ACTUALLY kick out your friend. Threats are just a way to get kids to behave. Again, a new perspecitve on parenting. Parenting has just changed over time, making threats and punishment more common for the smallest things. I'm sorta rambling, but I think you get the idea and my opinions.
O_o

[Neonatrias]

This topic wouldn't be getting much intelligent response if I posted it in Chit Chat. >>; So I decided to put it here, where there might be some intelligent discussion.

And I see your reasoning here, too. Threats might just be another way of parenting...But personally, I don't think it's right. Scaring your kid into submission just doesn't seem like it can be any good for the kid's ego. It's going to break a person down eventually, especially if they're being restricted from the outlets for feelings like that.

[Dimitri13]

And what did this friend of yours do the deserve getting kicked out of the house?

-Good- parents always punish you a specific way for a reason.

Personally, sometimes, I do find my parents' punishment harshly unfair, but eventually, I see what they were trying to do. And I know thay have raised me good, because I've never:
- Gotten arrested.
- Gotten suspended.
- Gotten into a fight. (In and out of school.)
- Been involved with bad people.
- Been involved with drugs/alcohol. (And never will be.)

And of all of the kids in my school, I could probably count them on 2 hands that have never done the afformentioned.

So apparently, parents are either:
- Have a tough time punishing their kids because almost all forms of physical punishment are considered "Child Abuse."
- Or, they are so unbelievably lazy to punish their own child that THEY brought into the world.
- Or, beat their kid so much that the child doesn't care anymore and does bad/even worse stuff anyway.

[iggymatrixcounter]

I like Dimitri's point of view, a good parent will always have an ultimate benefit for why they are punishing the child. even if it doesn't seem logical, SOME type of reasoning went through the parent's head to say the things they say. And they have reasons, maybe the reason for why they don't tell you is because the parents have some sad story about how a similar situation happened to them, and just don't want to tell their kids that story. Because the child could use the excuse "But YOU did it when you were a child..."

[esupin]

One has to look at the parent's perspective, too. They worry about whether or not we are drinking/doing drugs/hanging out with the wrong crowd, and they have to put up with our crap every day, too.
Remember, parents were kids, too. If someone does not like the way their parents are treating them, at least learn from them what not to do when you have kids of your own.
If you look closely, you can find out which kids in your school have tempers, are control freaks, etc, and will generally end up as bad parents.
I'd say 95% of arguments are the kids' fault(we all know most of us don't try our hardest in school, for example). Whatever "Vie" did, he probably deserved the threat. Remember, since you heard the story from his perspective, of course there will be some bias against his mother.

[Jam930]

Originally Posted by iggymatrixcounter

Agree'd. It's like if you want to rent out an apartment you have to follow the owner's rules or you get kicked out. (I.E. no pets, no loud music) with your own house you make the rules, but if you live in someone else's house there's no reason that you shouldn't follow THEIR rules. "If you don't like it, then leave" was a favorite comeback from my parents. And since I couldn't make it on my own anyways, sacrificing some of my liberties and/or freedoms for food and shelter is ok with me.

Disagree completely.

It is not like an apartment. This isn't 2 adults doing business here. It's not like the parent is providing some kind of optional service. We're talking about someone's own son or daughter. "don't like it?, leave." is just unrealistic.

If you bring someone into this world, you should have a bit more responsibility for them than that.

[chickendude]

Well it depends on how old they are.
If they are 18+, I think the, "don't like it?, leave" argument is perfectly valid
If they are still young, I think the parents have a responsibility.
I'm guessing the people you are talking about is somewhere along the line.

The problem most parents and kids have when they fight is that they can't talk to each other. The parent is scared that they are parenting wrong, and the kid is scared that their parents might react. I know its true in my house. Scared isn't the right word. More like, tension.

You know, when you try to avoid talking about something that really needs to be talked about because you are afraid the other person will react. Both people usually end up overreacting and nothing works out. That's why the best parents have to be patient and calm. That's why I think what happened to your friend isn't right (unless you aren't telling us the whole story)