To the community that's shaped up my teenage years.

[TerminusC22]

Hey, I'm Heather, I think a lot of people probably knew me by my old name or old tag, NinjaSM or whatever, that, doesn't matter now though, that's not who I am rn.

It's 10PM in Australia, and I'm a couple of beers down, which means I moved out, which is great news, I'm finally living as myself in a country that accepts me as me, I'm sure for a lot of people they might not have even known I transitioned, that's fine though. Some of you who do remember me for whatever reason, might think I still have short hair and a fuckton of facial hair.

It's weird as fuck that I'm coming back to post something like this in a forum that's kind of dead, to a community that's not really mine anymore, I left the community years ago, and I keep rejoining and leaving once-twice every moon or so, I haven't been a part of the active community since 2019. I don't plan on becoming an active member again, I also have to focus on life, moving, and generally being a much happier person now.

I've said a bunch of shit I regretted over the years, and was a shitty person, and to be fair, yeah I was a teen, but I wish was a lot more mature, I wish I was a lot more different, I was clearly not the person I wanted to be, and to be fair as someone who had serious issues growing up, the details of which I won't discuss here. It's kind of natural that someone like me would be a little shit at some point, even if it was just to cope.

Hell, I've even apologized to people in the community for how I acted back then at some point and even though some people were confused and were like "well you didn't actually wrong me but ok", it still bothered me enough, I am so deeply ashamed of how I was growing up that I struggle to go back just because I think about how embarrassing of a person I was, despite all my issues and what I was dealing with.

That's not what this is about though, I wanted to thank you guys, actually. I was a deeply depressed teen with a lot of issues and I was a fucking stupid little shit. Despite all of that though, being around the community at such a period also helped me connect with a group of people when I losing everyone around me IRL. Even though I found a space I was happier being in later down the line, I actually think back about my time in the community...somewhat fondly at points?

Sometimes I joke about how harmful rhythm games were and how much I regret it but idk how much I truly regret if I'm coming back to post something like this. Sometimes I run into people I knew from the community and it's pleasant, but there's always an air of "oh god you missed so much."

To clarify, I'm a fighting game player now and play Street Fighter competitively, I've not had an interest of playing rhythm games seriously, DDR I still play but casually and because there's an arcade 5 minutes away from me.

I'm sure no one remembers who I am, and that's ok, if I post this and no one responds that's AOK with me actually; but if you do, thank you.

I'm glad I had a space I could confide in even if I was never the best at giving back to said space.

P.S: it's crazy that I met some of y'all almost 10 years ago LMAO fucking get me out of here

[botchi246]

I think the FFR community did a lot for people in their teens, me included. I appreciate and resonate with your story.

I wish you the best!

[mellonxcollie]

I'm so happy for you that you are able to live more freely now! I don't remember exactly where you were before but I think it was in a pretty conservative country? Congratulations on making it to Australia!

I think everybody says some really cringy things as a teen, even people who are generally mature and level headed will have moments where they act stupid simply because that's part of being a teen. Those moments that still haunt you 10+ years later when you're laying in bed and can't sleep and for some reason just remember this extremely cringe moment from the past is totally normal. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you can reflect on those moments and understand why it was wrong and commit to change, that's all you can ask of yourself and that's all anyone else can ask of you

I think it's kinda cool to still have friends from when we were teens, friends from online who we felt totally comfortable being our complete selves with (cringe and all). It's like... these people have seen me at my absolute cringiest and still want to be my friend. That is very cool

Originally Posted by TerminusC22

P.S: it's crazy that I met some of y'all almost 10 years ago LMAO fucking get me out of here

Nope not happening you're stuck with us forever

[xXOpkillerXx]

Congrats! I hope that move lifted a good weight off your shoulders. Also while being a teenager certainly makes it a bit more understandable to have said stupid stuff (I personally don't know what you've done btw, always thought of you as a chill person), we don't become perfect just by being adults now. We all still make missteps and it's normal; just gotta self reflect and learn. Some teenagers I know are more mature than 30+ years old people, and vice-versa.

It's sad that we may never see a Chik Habit pass, but I'm sure you're doing great in the fighting game scene hehe. Take it easy.

[TerminusC22]

@opkiller: someone else passed chik habit already, but that doesn't mean i never will, just means i most likely wont give it a serious shot for a while, its still in my bucket list tho, thank you for the kind words

@mellon: thank you so much! yeah, i was in kuwait for a while and ended up moving to australia, sweden and my other plans didnt work out but this one did, just needed to be patient LOL

@botchi; im glad im not alone in the way i feel, thank you

[xXOpkillerXx]

May I ask why Sweden didn't work out? If it's not too personal a reason of course.

[TerminusC22]

oh it was just pandemic related reasons amongst other things, wanted to mainly wait until the world (and my life) calmed down until i could reconsider moving

[Shadow_God_10]

I'm so fucking glad you managed to get your shit together girl! . Congratulations on moving to the down under.

[Wayward Vagabond]

Oh that's a name I haven't seen in forever! Glad you're in a good spot now even if it's in the deadliest continent on the planet.

[TerminusC22]

Originally Posted by Wayward Vagabond

Oh that's a name I haven't seen in forever! Glad you're in a good spot now even if it's in the deadliest continent on the planet.

if the sun kills me at least i was killed by the sun in australia

[rushyrulz]

I think I remember your first post about struggling with being LGBT in the middle east. Glad to see you escaped that situation and hope you all the best going forward

[blindreper1179]

A familiar name to me! Glad you're doing you!

[TerminusC22]

i'm surprised at how many people actually remember but im glad LOL, thank you all

@rushy yeah, and i was getting increasingly worried for my safety, but 10 years later? we fuckin did it looool

[Sky Kitten]

So happy for you!!! Live your life and be happy!

[MarcusHawkins]

I DO remember you!! Glad to hear you're making the most you can of your life!

[nobody_serenity]

oh wait ARE YOU THE 2I HEATHER THAT DOES FUCKED UP URIEN SHIT???

loved your content and how knowledgeable you were about the games you played. I also thought your photography works were really touching - in fact, I picked it up partly because of you, as it made me realize that it could be something worth pursuing as a form of self-expression. your online presence was nice, even though we never really talked, and I couldn't be happier that your life is going in a good direction.

never knew you had been into rhythm games in the past - by the time i took notice of you (through big yellow's 2I hugo video), you had already been inactive for years by the looks of it. I'm glad to see that those years meant this much to you, and that you could find this place still alive enough to leave such nice words.

so yeah, even though you don't know me, i'd still like to wish you the best. hope you're having (and continue to have) a great time <3

[TerminusC22]

Originally Posted by nobody_serenity

oh wait ARE YOU THE 2I HEATHER THAT DOES FUCKED UP URIEN SHIT???

loved your content and how knowledgeable you were about the games you played. I also thought your photography works were really touching - in fact, I picked it up partly because of you, as it made me realize that it could be something worth pursuing as a form of self-expression. your online presence was nice, even though we never really talked, and I couldn't be happier that your life is going in a good direction.

never knew you had been into rhythm games in the past - by the time i took notice of you (through big yellow's 2I hugo video), you had already been inactive for years by the looks of it. I'm glad to see that those years meant this much to you, and that you could find this place still alive enough to leave such nice words.

so yeah, even though you don't know me, i'd still like to wish you the best. hope you're having (and continue to have) a great time <3

HAHAHAHAHAHAH wow small world, yeah that's me

im super glad u liked my fg work, but i really am more glad that my photography wasnt only just touching but motivating for you as well, feel free me to show me your photos, im in the ffr discord (also konru2x on discord if i AM not there.)

and yeah ive been into rhythm games in the past, my first ffr account is almost 10 years old now and i had been playing rhythm games actively for a while longer.

thank you, that means the world to me even if we've never really spoken prior to this

[Queria]

Hey Heather, welcome back! It’s cool to hear you’re living your truth and happy now. Totally get what you mean about the community, forums can feel like time capsules. I didn’t know you back in the day, but I can relate to looking back at old forum selves and cringing a bit. Glad you found your people and a place to grow. Also, fighting games over rhythm games?

[TerminusC22]

I've been into fighting games for a while now, the main thing is rhythm games for me don't provide the social aspect that I like in playing video games these days, whenever I go out and play fighting games with people here there's always a good dinner and beers promised afterwards, with rhythm games i always found that the meetups happens at conventions, and over here at least i dont find ourselves goin out for dinner or really bein social, people just show up, talk about the game and play the game

it's a bonus to also be playing competitively, is the thing.

[Spenner]

My sister in christ, nice to hear this update from you! I miss the old world and am so happy we're all reconnecting periodically. I wish the best for you. Have fun waking up to kookaburras!