Why is the Idea of Adults Expecting Others to be Mature so Irritating to Me?

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

I sometimes become extremely irritated with other adults when they expect me or anyone else to be mature. I understand why it's helpful to be mature, and I usually try to act responsibly and try not to cause unnecessary trouble for anyone. However, I detest when adults think the act of maturity is something that should be enforced. I feel like some people are trying to act like police officers and uphold maturity like it's their job. I even feel like I'm being judged and attacked if I don't act the way some adults expect me to act.

For example, I am really annoyed when teachers don't go over the material that was previously assigned for reading because they expect you to already know everything about it. It's even more irritating when a student asks his or her teacher something he or she doesn't understand about the assigned material after reading it at home, and the response is something similar to, "I'm not here to babysit you. You should have read the assigned material at home. Don't waste my time by asking stupid questions." I value communication among teachers, and I can't stand when teachers expect their students to understand everything they assign when these teachers haven't even discussed any of the material in class.

Thank you in advance for responding!

[hi19hi19]

9/10 times, if a teacher says, "I'm not here to babysit you. You should have read the assigned material at home."

It's because they fucking told you to read the assigned material at home.

and you didn't

[hi19hi19]

It's like, if you say, "I read the assigned material and I have some questions about understanding it"

that's cool

if you're one of those assholes who is like "lol I didnt read it what did it say" then yeah the teacher isn't going to give you a second thought and you probably deserve it

[Reincarnate]

Most of the time, if a teacher says something like that, it's because your question is answered explicitly in the text/homework/whatever, implying that you didn't actually go through the motions.

Teachers (generally) have a lot on their plates. Lots of students to handle, lots of parents to deal with, etc. They aren't going to want to go out of their way to answer your questions if you aren't willing to do the work yourself.

Of course, some teachers are assholes and will shoot down good questions regardless, so it depends.

[Reincarnate]

Originally Posted by MrPopadopalis25

^^
If we're talking about post secondary, teachers only have a certain amount of time to get through what they need to in that given block of time. If they don't reiterate the readings in class but you have questions, that's what office hours and the like are for.

And funnily enough, office hours are some of the most useful hours you can take advantage of -- and so few do.

I think some (most?) people think of it as like "Fuck, that's like having MORE class?! I already spend so much time in lectures, doing homework, studying, etc" and don't bother. Joke's on them, though: usually the insight you gain from the office hours can help you get everything done much more quickly/accurately because you are able to get some one-on-one time that simply isn't possible in a lecture setting.

[Pseudo Enigma]

a 16yo bitched at me for being not handling a situation properly because I'm an adult. I'm 18, I'm not used to this yet. Just because you've reached your 6571st day on this planet doesn't mean you magically turn into a majestic creature that knows right from wrong, can do anything right, and will say the right things. (Even though I'm not denying I still need to grow up lots)

Anyway, point is, it's not just adults expecting you to act like an adult, it's everyone. Once you become an adult the gloves come off and people start expecting you to do things right since you're not a child anymore.

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

I'm sorry, my example of a teacher's expectations for students was probably a bad example. Students are supposed to read the assigned material to learn what the teacher is talking about in class.

What I'm irritated about is when adults expect other people to act in the way they believe to be mature, and they openly attack someone's self-esteem if he or she doesn't follow those unspoken rules. I believe everyone has their own right to act however they would like to act, provided the country's laws are not broken. I don't appreciate when people judge others who don't act how those people want them to act.

[popsicle_3000]

Originally Posted by Pseudo Enigma

6571st day on this planet

either 6566 or 6567 depending on the year you were born.

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Originally Posted by Pseudo Enigma

a 16yo bitched at me for being not handling a situation properly because I'm an adult. I'm 18, I'm not used to this yet. Just because you've reached your 6571st day on this planet doesn't mean you magically turn into a majestic creature that knows right from wrong, can do anything right, and will say the right things. (Even though I'm not denying I still need to grow up lots)

Anyway, point is, it's not just adults expecting you to act like an adult, it's everyone. Once you become an adult the gloves come off and people start expecting you to do things right since you're not a child anymore.

You say, "...knows right from wrong, can do anything right, and will say the right things." I believe that there is no right and wrong other than the law of the country you live in. What's morally right and wrong is up to each person's own opinions.

[Pseudo Enigma]

Originally Posted by drizzleRomanceGirl

I don't appreciate when people judge others who don't act how those people want them to act.

I think it's more of a trial by fire sort of thing. The more you hear these things you can either buckle under the weight of the accusations, or you can adapt and become stronger. Usually the more responsible people will become stronger (which in turn comes bigger accusations when you fail to be strong) and go on to be more successful.

IMO it's just a part of life you have to accept. People are always going to tell you that you fucked up. You're just going to have to learn to be the person who tells yourself that you did something good when you do it.
Whatever doesn't kill you...

Originally Posted by drizzleRomanceGirl

You say, "...knows right from wrong, can do anything right, and will say the right things." I believe that there is no right and wrong other than the law of the country you live in. What's morally right and wrong is up to each person's own opinions.

This is largely true, however that doesn't mean that you aren't living in a society. Unless you can figure out how to live completely alone, you will never escape the moral decisions that are placed upon you.

I'm having a hard time trying to say this.

If your friend told you to jump off a bridge, would you? If the law told you to, would you? There is no absolute rule of what is right and wrong. Sometimes you have to choose which is best. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's easy. Mistakes are going to be made, but what matters in the end is how you fix them.

Also opinions can be wrong. That's probably mostly why I'm having a hard time writing this properly.

Originally Posted by popsicle_3000

either 6566 or 6567 depending on the year you were born.

leap years lel

[Dynam0]

It's legal to wear one's pants below the normal belt line thereby exposing one's undergarments (boxers/briefs/thongs etc.), however this behaviour is classified as immature and frowned upon by adults. I'm immature as hell for a lot of things, but it's hard not to pass judgement on some behaviours when you see them. If this whole maturity debate is driven by opinion, then there isn't a right or wrong answer for what you're looking for. Adults expecting others to be mature is irritating to you because in your opinion, immature behaviours should not be scrutinized. These adults aren't wrong in their judgements and neither are you in being irritated by it

[3lijah]

Man, I aint growin up for anybody fuck that


But in all seriousness, there are times in life where you have no choice BUT to be a grown up otherwise you'll look like an idiot. At the same time, you can be the most important person in the world and relate more to a 12 year old rather than someone your own age.

My point is, know to be a grown up about certain situations and know when being so serious isn't necessary. As for me, fuck being a grown up sometimes, it sucks.

[Hakulyte]

Originally Posted by drizzleRomanceGirl

However, I detest when adults think the act of maturity is something that should be enforced.

It's something that should be enforced until the person targeted become independant. After that point, it doesn't matter nearly as much.

[Pseudo Enigma]

Originally Posted by MrPopadopalis25

If morality is subjective then people are free to say what they think is right and what they think is wrong and argue with others on their beliefs. If you're going to act different than the dominant ideology (maturity is a part of that) then you'll get flak from those who disagree. One of the big reasons why their criticism of maturity carries more weight is because it aligns with the dominant ideology and has merit with the populace and those in power. However, at the same time, you have to think about why the trait of maturity is favorable; how did it come about, what function does it serve, why do people continue to support it, what happens if it the ideology changed, etc etc. If it has survived in our culture for this long then there must be reasons why. Once you know these reasons, then you can go from there if you want to combat it.

^
thanks, this is what I meant.

[devonin]

Grow up.

[omega_grunt666]

Still not understanding whats being said here, doing what you want within the law sets some pretty wide boundaries. Some examples of what is being considered immature here would help clear things up some.

As far as I'm concerned, people can dress/talk/act the way they want as long as it isn't intentionally making others feel uncomfortable. Between friends/familiar faces I do/say all kinds of immature things because I know they are O.K. with it and act in a similar way. In public around strangers I keep it to myself, act as polite as possible, and in general just put out the most well-mannered, positive image I can. Not because of any unspoken rules or expectations, its just the best way to get that back from people. Treat others the way you wish to be treated has always been my one and only guideline and its treated me pretty well so far.

There will always be people out there who are idiots regardless, or will never be happy with what you say/do because they are looking for a target to take out frustrations on in one way or another. All you can really do is distance your self from those people or make them aware of what they are doing if you think its unintentional.

The teacher example isn't the best but I can relate, my grade school teachers for french and music back in the day were prime examples of it. If they had a single bad student that day it would effect their classes for the rest of it. And because of it I learned very little about either subject because most of the classes were spent disciplining bad students instead of teaching (immature students but also bad teaching). Where as my English/reading teacher in grade one was super awesome, I had trouble reading as a young child and he actually had after-class time to tutor 1-on-1 with students who were behind.


Anyways, I can't really think of anything else to say without any more examples of whats being considered immature here.

[devonin]

If you refer to "adults" as something other than the group to which you, yourself belong, I'd argue that you pretty much -aren't- mature.

[Svaz]

Most definitions of mature, (not maturity, which appears to have a fairly economical lilt) concisely, seem to refer to what is expected (socially/societally, I suppose, in this context) of someone of a certain age group. You didn't give any specific personal examples (I feel not doing reading has been rebuffed enough), but I can say from my own experience that it could be that change is difficult and losing parts of your personality can be sort of painful, pain is irritating, and thereby criticism (even if somewhat constructive) is received poorly.

To expound from that specific situation posed, however, I think the key thing to do, if a) there's not a lot of help from the teacher and b) you still have questions is to reach out to other students, maybe arrange a group or study session and meet on your own time. With education and the cost thereof, it doesn't really make sense to not own it and take every opportunity you can to delve into it further!! A lot of the pricey stuff comes with online resources too, but consulting others that are in the class with you generally lends different perspectives you might not have thought to explore before.

Growing up is definitely not always pleasant, but a lot of advantages can be gained professionally and socially from doing so; showing up in accord to timelines laid out by others as opposed to what works for you, for example, shows consideration of their time. I feel like change is essential to living a pretty awesome life; if you're constantly evolving and adapting to the world around you, nothing can be thrown at you that can break you forever! Something like that. Anyway, I don't think it should be regarded as something like a crisis of losing your identity, but gaining a new facet to it and making it into something not totally similar, but slightly improved upon (naturally this can also work in reverse, but in this specific context, I think we should look at this as an advantageous change)!

Aside: I guess the definition listed by google as "careful and thorough" is also worth some examination in application to the quandry posed, but I don't quite have the time now to do so.

[Svaz]

Alternatively

[Vendetta21]

In a classroom environment not following the expectations just results in a bad score and then you may never see the teacher again. In a workplace not following tge expectations impacts everyone you work with. In a relationship not meeting agreed upon expectations (implicitly or explicitly) causes conflict and relationship decay.

You may not always meet expectations because you are human and the expectations are beyond your capacity. Maturity is, in some sense, learning how to identify all the things expected of you, doing that which you can, and communicating clearly with others those expectations you feel can't meet. A lot of times the things you think are expected of you are malleable and sometimes your preconceived notions of your own capability are mistaken. This is where the communication element becomes critical.

Most of the time if you aren't clearly grasping the things expected of you then you will stumble, get frustrated, blame others, and make yourself a victim of circumstance. Getting better at this identification comes better with experience, and geniunely attempting to meet expectations helps to generate a realistic sense of your capacity.

In a classroom environment you may mot get the sense that you are entirely responsible for figuring out what the expectations are of you, your capacity, resolving the issues that exist, and communicating that which you feel unable to do clearly because teachers make an effort to simplify these things as much as possible and we feel it is their responsibility to make things manageable. In every other situation you encounter through your life, you will have to do this yourself for tge mist part.

My writing style here is clinical so it may make the idea sound daunting but it isn't as long as your intentions are to do your best.