Jokes! - Page 5

Tonberry_Kid · 06-21-2005, 07:57 AM

I think he means loll. Like roll with an "l" instead.

Quizkid23 · 06-21-2005, 01:24 PM

no no no he means you have to say lol like l + ah + l

anyways:

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is.....

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

**FishFishRevolution** · 06-21-2005, 03:43 PM

That happened to me once.

Tonberry_Kid · 06-21-2005, 05:54 PM

You got that from ebaums world Quizkid. I've read it before. But still, freakin' hilarious.

Quizkid23 · 06-22-2005, 07:19 AM

Actually, no I didn't... I got it from mistupid.com... same as these two:

1) The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi,
you dumb ass. It tell me someone stolen tent."

2) A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Tony.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."

Then little Tony says, "I have a question for you.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which little Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

JurseyRider734 · 06-22-2005, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quizkid23

Oh oh! I got another joke!

My dick size.

Fixed.

Quizkid23 · 06-22-2005, 07:34 AM

lol sry was that inappropriate?

Tonberry_Kid · 06-22-2005, 07:34 AM

Lol. I liked the second one. I've done that to a teacher before. XD

rockinwithkiss · 06-23-2005, 06:07 AM

There are two hillbillies riding in a truck down the highway. The passenger leans over to the driver and says, "I really gotta take a dump." The driver looks at him funny and says, "Can't it wait? We're making good time and we can't stop anywhere or we'll be late to the wedding!" The passenger insists that he really has to go and that it can't wait. Finally the driver says, "We can't stop, so just stick your rear out the window and go."

The passenger then sticks his butt out the window and lets it all go. It splatters on the windshield of the car behind them.

The passenger of that car says, "Holy cow! Did you see the wad of tobacco that guy spit?!"
The driver of the car then says, "Did you see the lips on that feller?!"

Edge_of_Death · 06-23-2005, 06:57 AM

I'm gonna post a few your momma jokes...
Your momma's so fat, when she went on a scale she thought it showed her phone number
Your momma's so poor, I walked into her front door and I was already in the backyard
Your momma's so stupid, when she saw a stopped her car at a stop sign, she waited for it to say "go"
Your momma's so fat, she went on a scale and it said "to be continued"
Your momma's so poor, she was kicking a can down the street, when she was actually "moving"
Your momma's so poor, I asked her where the bathroom is and she said 3 bushes down to the right
Your momma's so stupid, I told her my birthday's around the corner and she looked
Your momma's so stupid, when she signed an application for a job that asked her "level of education," she wrote down "Hooked On Phonics!"
Do any of you guys have any more of those jokes?

ToshX · 06-23-2005, 07:02 AM

Who is that in your avatar?
---
I'm not really much of a "Yo Momma" person.

Edge_of_Death · 06-23-2005, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ToshX

Who is that in your avatar?
---
I'm not really much of a "Yo Momma" person.

OMG everyone asks that question...

pntballa18 · 06-23-2005, 07:07 AM

I made this one up myself, so it's probably bad.

Your momma's so fat, she doesn't call (800) 588 2300, she weighs it.

QreepyBORIS · 06-23-2005, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pntballa18

I made this one up myself, so it's probably bad.

Your momma's so fat, she doesn't call (800) 588 2300, she weighs it.

EMPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!

vashthestampede0987 · 06-23-2005, 07:33 AM

Whenever someone asks for your name of AIM er at any time say that it's Mike, Mike Roch.

HAHAHAHAHAHA Get it?

QreepyBORIS · 06-23-2005, 08:17 AM

More like:

Mike Hock
Mike Hunt

Oh my god, I fogot like 50 of these.

ToshX · 06-23-2005, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Edge_of_Death

Quote:

Originally Posted by ToshX

Who is that in your avatar?
---
I'm not really much of a "Yo Momma" person.

OMG everyone asks that question...

Then why don't you just answer it?

Edge_of_Death · 06-23-2005, 09:26 AM

...
Please don't go off topic.

pntballa18 · 06-23-2005, 12:02 PM

Your momma's so stupid she asked who' that in edge_of_death's avatar.

Now its on topic.

Anuj · 06-23-2005, 12:24 PM

This isn't dirty at all... only dirty if you decide to use your mind...

but then again, if you don't use your mind, its not funny either o_O

Anyways...

Theres a man lying nude on a beach... A little girl walks up to him, so he covers himself
with a newspaper. She points below his midsection and says "What was that?"
The man says "a bird, now leave me alone!"
The girl goes away, and the man goes to sleep.
When the man wakes up, he finds himself in the hospital, in a lot of pain.
He asks the doctor what the heck happened. The girl is sitting down outside,
so the doctor asks her what exactly happened.
She says "I didn't do anything to the man... but when he was sleeping, I played with the
bird for a while... But it spit at me... So I broke its eggs, snapped its neck, and burned its nest!"

Poor guy >.<

06-21-2005, 01:24 PM	#82
Quizkid23 FFR Player Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: On my computer Age: 35 Posts: 446	no no no he means you have to say lol like l + ah + l anyways: My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" The moral of this story is..... "Always keep your condoms in your car." __________________

06-21-2005, 03:43 PM	#83
FishFishRevolution GotR Creator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Vi sitter här i venten Current Band: The National Age: 38 Posts: 7,251	That happened to me once. __________________

06-22-2005, 07:19 AM	#85
Quizkid23 FFR Player Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: On my computer Age: 35 Posts: 446	Actually, no I didn't... I got it from mistupid.com... same as these two: 1) The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto? Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi, you dumb ass. It tell me someone stolen tent." 2) A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Tony. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then little Tony says, "I have a question for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which little Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking." __________________

06-22-2005, 07:34 AM	#87
Quizkid23 FFR Player Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: On my computer Age: 35 Posts: 446	lol sry was that inappropriate? __________________

06-23-2005, 06:07 AM	#89
rockinwithkiss FFR Player Join Date: May 2005 Location: a padded room Posts: 21	There are two hillbillies riding in a truck down the highway. The passenger leans over to the driver and says, "I really gotta take a dump." The driver looks at him funny and says, "Can't it wait? We're making good time and we can't stop anywhere or we'll be late to the wedding!" The passenger insists that he really has to go and that it can't wait. Finally the driver says, "We can't stop, so just stick your rear out the window and go." The passenger then sticks his butt out the window and lets it all go. It splatters on the windshield of the car behind them. The passenger of that car says, "Holy cow! Did you see the wad of tobacco that guy spit?!" The driver of the car then says, "Did you see the lips on that feller?!" __________________ I love going to the elementary school, watching all the kids jump and shout, but they don\'t know I\'m using blanks. ~Jack Handey 98% of American teens use or have tried pot. If you are part of the 2% that hasn\'t, put this in your profile.

06-23-2005, 06:57 AM	#90
Edge_of_Death FFR Player Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 103	I'm gonna post a few your momma jokes... Your momma's so fat, when she went on a scale she thought it showed her phone number Your momma's so poor, I walked into her front door and I was already in the backyard Your momma's so stupid, when she saw a stopped her car at a stop sign, she waited for it to say "go" Your momma's so fat, she went on a scale and it said "to be continued" Your momma's so poor, she was kicking a can down the street, when she was actually "moving" Your momma's so poor, I asked her where the bathroom is and she said 3 bushes down to the right Your momma's so stupid, I told her my birthday's around the corner and she looked Your momma's so stupid, when she signed an application for a job that asked her "level of education," she wrote down "Hooked On Phonics!" Do any of you guys have any more of those jokes? __________________ Alex owes me two Omega favor(s)

06-23-2005, 07:02 AM	#91
ToshX FFR Player Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 5,111	Who is that in your avatar? --- I'm not really much of a "Yo Momma" person.

06-23-2005, 07:07 AM	#93
pntballa18 FFR Player Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hossin Age: 34 Posts: 3,357	I made this one up myself, so it's probably bad. Your momma's so fat, she doesn't call (800) 588 2300, she weighs it. __________________

06-23-2005, 08:17 AM	#96
QreepyBORIS FFR Player Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: It is a mystery. Age: 35 Posts: 7,454	More like: Mike Hock Mike Hunt Oh my god, I fogot like 50 of these. __________________ Signature subject to change. THE ZERRRRRG.

06-23-2005, 09:26 AM	#98
Edge_of_Death FFR Player Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 103	... Please don't go off topic. __________________ Alex owes me two Omega favor(s)

06-23-2005, 12:02 PM	#99
pntballa18 FFR Player Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hossin Age: 34 Posts: 3,357	Your momma's so stupid she asked who' that in edge_of_death's avatar. Now its on topic. __________________

06-23-2005, 12:24 PM	#100
Anuj FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 5,998	This isn't dirty at all... only dirty if you decide to use your mind... but then again, if you don't use your mind, its not funny either o_O Anyways... Theres a man lying nude on a beach... A little girl walks up to him, so he covers himself with a newspaper. She points below his midsection and says "What was that?" The man says "a bird, now leave me alone!" The girl goes away, and the man goes to sleep. When the man wakes up, he finds himself in the hospital, in a lot of pain. He asks the doctor what the heck happened. The girl is sitting down outside, so the doctor asks her what exactly happened. She says "I didn't do anything to the man... but when he was sleeping, I played with the bird for a while... But it spit at me... So I broke its eggs, snapped its neck, and burned its nest!" Poor guy >.< __________________

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