Jokes! - Page 4

myk0nstantine · 06-20-2005, 05:18 AM

Wanna hear a clean joke?
I took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.

(brother told me that one)

Tonberry_Kid · 06-20-2005, 05:23 AM

XD. That's funny.

rockinwithkiss · 06-20-2005, 06:32 AM

Lets see...my grandpa told me this joke one time...how sad...its from him...but ya...

Polish-Americans offended by the viciousness of the jokes told about them are quick to remind friends of the bravery of the Polish people during World War II.
The Poles are reputed to have barehandedly thrown sticks of dynamite into the hordes of attacking German soldiers.
The Nazis then caught the sticks of dynamite, lit them, and threw them back.

MalReynolds · 06-20-2005, 07:55 AM

A priest, a nun and a rabbi walked into a bar.

A few hours later, they left with a mutual understanding of each other, and friendships that would last a lifetime.

-

I like to drink red wine... A friend of mine asked, "Doesn't it give you a headache?" Yeah... Eventually. The first part and the middle part are pretty good. I'm not gonna stop doing something cause the end result is bad... "Hey, Mitch, want an apple?" "NO! I bet it'll be a core."

I went to the store and bought eight apples. The guy at the counter asked me if I wanted a bag... I said, "No, I juggle. But only eight. If I ever buy nine, fuck it! Bag em' up!"

-

I tried to make homemade Sprite one time. It's a lemon lime soda... But there's more to it than that. "Hey, want a glass of my homemade Sprite?" "NOT TILL YOU FIGURE OUT THE REST OF THE INGREDIENTS!"

(The last two were Mitch Hedberg)

Mal

stlunatic0124 · 06-20-2005, 08:30 AM

what's the best thing about having sex with a 12 year old girl in the shower?

you can slick her hair back and make her look 9.

Tonberry_Kid · 06-20-2005, 09:28 AM

That's just wrong dude. Wrong sick and disturbing, but funny all at the same time XD.

Linkisdoomed · 06-20-2005, 10:03 AM

Here is a good one:

A man walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink with his pet monkey. The monkey wanders off and shoves a cucumber slice down his throat. The amazed bartender says, "Did you just see what your monkey did?" and the man replies, "You don't have to tell me."
A few minutes later, the monkey shoves a cueball from the pooltable down his throat. The bartender is mad at this point so the man says, "I'll leave for the night. I'll pay for the damage as well." The man gets up and leaves.

The next night, he comes back tho the bar then orders a drink. The monkey does his routine only this time, he shoves the stuff up his ass first then eats it. The bartender asked the man why his pet monkey does this, and the man responded, "He decided to start measuring things before he eats them."

-Mr. 1up-

Tonberry_Kid · 06-20-2005, 10:16 AM

Lol. That's great stuff right there. I would say this one joke of mine but it's kind of nasty and dirty, so I'll tell it if I get bombarded with pleas for it.

Telvanni_guard · 06-20-2005, 10:23 AM

If anyone gets offended, edit it to be a different joke.

Tps222 · 06-20-2005, 10:43 AM

What do you call a blind deer?
----------------------------------
a no idear
----------------------------------
What do you call a blind legless deer?
----------------------------------
Still no idear

Tonberry_Kid · 06-20-2005, 10:45 AM

XD. Ok.

Three men are stranded in a desert. Without water for three days they realized they would do almost anything for some. While searching for it, they see this huge mansion. They run towards it. One of the men walks to the door and rings the bell. This huge, fat woman answers the door. "May we have some water, Miss?" She replies, "Only if you have sex with me." "Screw that!" said the first guy. The next man does the same exact thing and the same response from the woman. The third guy goes to the door, rings the bell, and the fat woman comes to answer it. "May we have water please?" says the third man. "Only if you have sex with me," she replies. "Ok, I guess I'm going to have to take one for the team."
They go into her mansion and she takes him to her room. While she is getting ready, he is laying in bed naked looking around. He notices this humogous barrel of corn. He grabs an ear of it and hides it. She comes out of the bathroom and gets on top of him. He takes out the corn, and starts using it as a phallus. Once it got all soggy, he chucked out the window and quickly grabbed another piece and kept at it. After using about 10 ears, she has her orgasm. She gives him about 4 buckets of water and thanks him for the excellent sex. He runs to his friends shouting, "I got us water!" The other to men reply, "Fuck that, we got ourselves buttered corn!"
Gross, huh?

MalReynolds · 06-20-2005, 12:00 PM

Am I the only person that went to public high-school? I've heard all of these... Except for that pedophiliac one above, which I don't think belongs here at all.

It's like a mouse in a cat-factory.

And by cat-factory, I mean cat-ovaries.

Mal

Quizkid23 · 06-20-2005, 12:25 PM

Oh oh! I got another joke!

Women's rights.

pntballa18 · 06-20-2005, 12:27 PM

OoOoOoOoOoOoO!!!

ananana · 06-20-2005, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quizkid23

Women's rights.

Yesssssss. It never gets old.

Tps222 · 06-20-2005, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Three men are stranded in a desert

Hmm, men, as in over 18. Sounds perfectly legal to me.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie roll pop?

A: Your mom

lol I'm so funny.

Tasuke · 06-20-2005, 01:41 PM

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butts lol!

when you say it you have to
say "lol" not "el oh el"

B3NJ1 · 06-20-2005, 04:30 PM

A girl is thinking about getting bigger breasts and she goes to her doctor. He says she can either have a special bra that pumps up when she flaps her arms or implants. She went for the bra. The next day, she sees a man at the bar. She starts flapping her arms and then goes over to him. He starts moving his legs back and forth. When she got over to him, he says "I see we go to the same doctor."

EDIT-

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

rockinwithkiss · 06-21-2005, 06:51 AM

omg thats funny cuz one of my friends has actually done that before lol

ananana · 06-21-2005, 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tasuke

when you say it you have to
say "lol" not "el oh el"

..Whaaat?

Do you mean we have to say "laughing out loud"? Or do we just laugh?

06-20-2005, 05:18 AM	#61
myk0nstantine FFR Player Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 16	joke Wanna hear a clean joke? I took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is the girl next door. (brother told me that one) __________________ SomeSponge: Besides, I multitask. SomeSponge: Right now, I can\'t do much because the school has a firewall up. Always follow your stomach, because it will make you eat food and find hott guys. - some wise words

06-20-2005, 06:32 AM	#63
rockinwithkiss FFR Player Join Date: May 2005 Location: a padded room Posts: 21	RE: joke Lets see...my grandpa told me this joke one time...how sad...its from him...but ya... Polish-Americans offended by the viciousness of the jokes told about them are quick to remind friends of the bravery of the Polish people during World War II. The Poles are reputed to have barehandedly thrown sticks of dynamite into the hordes of attacking German soldiers. The Nazis then caught the sticks of dynamite, lit them, and threw them back. __________________ I love going to the elementary school, watching all the kids jump and shout, but they don\'t know I\'m using blanks. ~Jack Handey 98% of American teens use or have tried pot. If you are part of the 2% that hasn\'t, put this in your profile.

06-20-2005, 07:55 AM	#64
MalReynolds CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: A Denny's Bathroom. Age: 38 Posts: 6,571	RE: joke A priest, a nun and a rabbi walked into a bar. A few hours later, they left with a mutual understanding of each other, and friendships that would last a lifetime. - I like to drink red wine... A friend of mine asked, "Doesn't it give you a headache?" Yeah... Eventually. The first part and the middle part are pretty good. I'm not gonna stop doing something cause the end result is bad... "Hey, Mitch, want an apple?" "NO! I bet it'll be a core." I went to the store and bought eight apples. The guy at the counter asked me if I wanted a bag... I said, "No, I juggle. But only eight. If I ever buy nine, fuck it! Bag em' up!" - I tried to make homemade Sprite one time. It's a lemon lime soda... But there's more to it than that. "Hey, want a glass of my homemade Sprite?" "NOT TILL YOU FIGURE OUT THE REST OF THE INGREDIENTS!" (The last two were Mitch Hedberg) Mal __________________ "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!

06-20-2005, 08:30 AM	#65
stlunatic0124 FFR Player Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 3,228	what's the best thing about having sex with a 12 year old girl in the shower? you can slick her hair back and make her look 9. __________________

06-20-2005, 10:03 AM	#67
Linkisdoomed FFR Player Join Date: May 2004 Location: Where empty thoughts die. Age: 36 Posts: 594	Here is a good one: A man walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink with his pet monkey. The monkey wanders off and shoves a cucumber slice down his throat. The amazed bartender says, "Did you just see what your monkey did?" and the man replies, "You don't have to tell me." A few minutes later, the monkey shoves a cueball from the pooltable down his throat. The bartender is mad at this point so the man says, "I'll leave for the night. I'll pay for the damage as well." The man gets up and leaves. The next night, he comes back tho the bar then orders a drink. The monkey does his routine only this time, he shoves the stuff up his ass first then eats it. The bartender asked the man why his pet monkey does this, and the man responded, "He decided to start measuring things before he eats them." -Mr. 1up- __________________ R^3 Skin God R^3 Engine Skin Curator

06-20-2005, 10:23 AM	#69
Telvanni_guard FFR Player Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Virginia Age: 40 Posts: 1,031	If anyone gets offended, edit it to be a different joke.

06-20-2005, 10:43 AM	#70
Tps222 FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2004 Age: 35 Posts: 6,168	What do you call a blind deer? ---------------------------------- a no idear ---------------------------------- What do you call a blind legless deer? ---------------------------------- Still no idear

06-20-2005, 12:00 PM	#72
MalReynolds CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: A Denny's Bathroom. Age: 38 Posts: 6,571	Am I the only person that went to public high-school? I've heard all of these... Except for that pedophiliac one above, which I don't think belongs here at all. It's like a mouse in a cat-factory. And by cat-factory, I mean cat-ovaries. Mal __________________ "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!

06-20-2005, 12:25 PM	#73
Quizkid23 FFR Player Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: On my computer Age: 35 Posts: 446	Oh oh! I got another joke! Women's rights. __________________

06-20-2005, 12:27 PM	#74
pntballa18 FFR Player Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hossin Age: 34 Posts: 3,357	OoOoOoOoOoOoO!!! __________________

06-20-2005, 01:41 PM	#77
Tasuke FFR Player Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: where ever you aren't Age: 35 Posts: 1,671	Knock Knock Who's there? Butts lol! when you say it you have to say "lol" not "el oh el" __________________

06-20-2005, 04:30 PM	#78
B3NJ1 FFR Player Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: chair Age: 34 Posts: 266	A girl is thinking about getting bigger breasts and she goes to her doctor. He says she can either have a special bra that pumps up when she flaps her arms or implants. She went for the bra. The next day, she sees a man at the bar. She starts flapping her arms and then goes over to him. He starts moving his legs back and forth. When she got over to him, he says "I see we go to the same doctor." EDIT- A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart. "Duke!" the dad yelled. "This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one. "Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart. "Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!" __________________

06-21-2005, 06:51 AM	#79
rockinwithkiss FFR Player Join Date: May 2005 Location: a padded room Posts: 21	omg thats funny cuz one of my friends has actually done that before lol __________________ I love going to the elementary school, watching all the kids jump and shout, but they don\'t know I\'m using blanks. ~Jack Handey 98% of American teens use or have tried pot. If you are part of the 2% that hasn\'t, put this in your profile.

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