The Joke Thread

[LJRoX]

Originally Posted by Kiani_cc

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.

They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"

Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"

Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't"

Him: "I beg you... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.."

Messed up but funny stuff rofl

[igotrhythm]

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve neutrinos here."

A neutrino walks into a bar.

[~kitty~]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because f*ck you, that's why

[rushyrulz]

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

----

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replied, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

----

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

----

I used to be a necrophile, until some rotten c*** split on me.

----

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

[deadlydreams_x]

What do you call a fat computer.
A dell.
/diesoflaughteratownjoke

[andy-o24]

Originally Posted by rushyrulz

Pedofiles are fucking immature assholes.

Oh my god! I laughed my ass of at that one. Good show, Rushy. Good show.
Not sure why, it's not THAT funny.
-o24

[yo man im awesome]

Why did the sloth cross the road?

To slaughter your F***ING family.