Why Chinese Mothers are Superior

[Reincarnate]

Originally Posted by Yieldsign

I think the point that you're missing, though (and admittedly one that Rubin isn't make very clear) is not that we shouldn't encourage the best lifestyle possible for our children - that much is clear.

The REAL meat of the argument is that parents should also reinforce and accept the choices of their children, with discretion of course (I mean, if my child wanted to be a prostitute, hell no). If my child WANTS to be an automechanic or an artist, I should accept it, even encourage it - while simultaneously explaining the relative pros and cons, and the risks of undertaking such a career path. What the "asian mother" scenario represents is not just providing the best life for your child but adhering to a very strict conception of what "success" and what a "good life" is, and rigorously enforcing that conception upon their children. That is not healthy for a child, unless they happen to agree on that conception of success. In many cases, they don't.

I would argue against that and say that sometimes a child doesn't know what's best for themselves. If my kid wanted to be an artist, I would have trouble encouraging that when I know full well how most artists turn out and what challenges they face down the road -- challenges a kid really won't care about until the shit hits the fan because they don't know anything different (and therefore don't know what it means to be financially self-sufficient or to potentially give up certain opportunities or lifestyles or skillsets). It is tempting to equate "Child displaying a desire to do X" with "Child is therefore happy if he is allowed to pursue X," but I think that children are usually ill-equipped to properly assess what will make them happiest down the road. That is where parents are useful, as they are able to leverage their experiences to ensure their own kids don't make mistakes that could be akin to shooting themselves in the foot.

There are certain realities to various lifestyles that many people don't realize until they're there. Even in a particular pathway would result in a very happy life down the road as a result of hard work, a child might kick and scream along the way. As Chua argues, nothing is fun until you're good at it.