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Old 03-15-2005, 02:58 PM   #41
xiron
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It was subconcious. I read a hell of a lot of different things, and all of the ideas are just kind of jumbled together in my head. It becomes hard to destinguish my own ideas from those of others. Again, I apologize.
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Old 03-16-2005, 01:59 PM   #42
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Basics: You reused some of your adjective within one or two sentences of each other, and some of your descriptive sentences ran on a bit, although that wasn't a problem for me... Some of the sentences were just overly long.

Advanced: Where was it? The story? All I read was about the narrator having sex with someone. It was like watching soft core porn in text format. There was no conflict, or charachterazation. I mean, I know it was probably written for someone, which is cool and all because maybe they get it a little better than I do, but it just didn't have much of a point. It just started, sex, ended. It lacked the real interest that is spurned by "Dear Playboy, I never thought I'd tell anyone this, but..." letters, which I know are trashy, but at least they have some kind of substance, ya know? This story is the definition of superfelous... Sorry, bud. I mean, the "I love you," was nice, but I had no idea who or what he was talking to. Could have been to a stuffed bear that he just had sex with. Nice touch with the "I love you," but I didn't love it.

There were some good points: Your descriptions were really really well done. I enjoyed reading about her eyes and such. The way it was written was very nice, and I like your writing style a lot. Keep it up.

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Old 03-19-2005, 07:05 PM   #43
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So who thinks there should be a forum for stories/writing instead of sharing it with CT. It would encourge more people to post their stories (like this thread), but would also get them reviews on their writing (unlike this thread). Alain started a topic on this a few days back. If you have an opinion on this, post it in this link: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...wtopic&t=26012
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