Dead Babies (and other jokes)

[dontcareaboutmyid]

(please dont be banned please dont be banned)

ok whats worse than five dead babies in a trash can?
one dead baby in five trash cans

Whats the difference between a truckfull of bowling balls and a truckfull of dead babies?
You can take the dead babies out with a pitchfork

There's more but i don't want to post them all

Here's a different joke

A little kid boards the bus to go to school. He sits up front and says to the bus driver "if my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull i would be a little bull"

"If my mom was a sheep and my dad was a goat i would be a little goat"

He goes on with other animals until the busdriver becomes irritated and yells "well what would you be if your mom was a prostitute and your dad was a bank robber in jail!!"

The little boy smiles and says " then i would be a bus driver"

Maybe i'll post some top ten lists later. 8)

[dontcareaboutmyid]

Ok here's some starwars lines that are drastically improved with the use of the word pants. (found Here)

We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

The pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

Many Bobans died to bring us these pants.

These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault.

I used to bulls-eye womp rats in my pants back home.

TK-421... Why aren't you in your pants?

Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

You are unwise to lower your pants.

She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.

You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gundark.

Luke... Help me remove these pants.

Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

Luke.....I am your pants.

A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.

Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.

Luke, search your pants. You know it is true.

Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one... Your sister!

Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

Short pants is better than no pants at all.

I think thats enough for today[/i]

[freaknacage]

lol

[dontcareaboutmyid]

here's anotherone from commonplace book. lets see some names posted

For your new first name:
1. Take the first 3 letters of your 1st name

2. and add the first 2 letters of your last name.

For your new last name:
3. Take the first 2 letters of your Mom's maiden name

4. and add the first 3 letters of the city you were born in.

How to determine your Star Wars honorific title:
1. Take the last three letters of your last name and reverse them

2. Add the first three letters of the make or model of the your first car (or parents car if you have'nt recieved one yet

3. Insert the word "of"

4. Tack on the name of the last medication you took.

This is mine Cripo Bonee Rehtoy of Roundy's cold and sinus


And come on let's here some of your jokes. I like to make people laugh but i like to laugh too.

[Freak83]

My new name - Jonka Wotor

Akwmer of Contac, Cough, Cold, and Flu

That was fun.

[freaknacage]

my new name: angla yaora
star wars title: ecndod of stress tabs
.... that's kinda.... weird..

[87x]

hmmm.....
Name: Trey Seal
Star Wars Name: Trese Feric Laetau of advil....... hmm....

[dontcareaboutmyid]

ok here's the last one that I'm posting from here

Peter's Evil Overlord List
This list is Copyright 1996 by Peter Anspach If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord:

1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicatment before killing them.

7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible."

8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him.

9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push".

11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.

12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.

15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

24. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

25. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

26. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

27. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

28. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

29. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

30. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

31. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructable except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

32. If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather, he will be so startled and confused that I will easily be able to dispatch him.

33. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

If you have any other tidbits of advice for me to follow, please e-mail me.

I wish to thank the following contributors to this list who, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord, will be named as lieutenants -- but not trusted lieutenants -- in my legions of terror:

Julie Helmer (AnnieKey@aol.com)
Christy Marx (moonfire@cybergate.com)
Mark Musante (olorin@world.std.com)
Katherine Teague (kteague@nortel.ca)
g.kenter@genie.com
rsledge@spry.com



please note the copyright at the top if you even think about using any of this.

And lets see some more starwars names

[zestyburrito3]

why are you being so mean about the little babies in like 5 trash cans and all that..is it like funny to u or something bc a NORMAL non-screwded up person would have thought that that was gay just like me

[scorpio1690]

.....It's a joke,we're not serious, it's funny, laugh.....LAUGH DAMN YOU!

[ROCKETs]

Originally Posted by dontcareaboutmyid

(please dont be banned please dont be banned)

ok whats worse than five dead babies in a trash can?
one dead baby in five trash cans

that is one sick joke...get some class and use tasteful jokes like:

What is black and white and red all over?
A dead baby stapled to a panda.

jeez...

[plasmix]

I am Boch Chhhou!!!! BWARHARHAR!!!

Obcam of Advair!!!!! BWARHARHAR!!!!!!

[Yanah_the_Master]

Yomfor of Nose Spray

[QreepyBORIS]

Somfia Bormo Weann of Ibuprophen pain reliever.

[scorpio1690]

Tanse Laabb Oknche of Extra Strength Tylenol

[Brainmaster07]

Micru Capus Hsucor of Tretinoin

[dontcareaboutmyid]

lol we need more names


MORE I SAY!! MORE!!!!!!!!!!


im surprised this hasn't gotten locked like deepless's joke posts.

does anyone else know some good dead baby jokes

[ROCKETs]

here's one my brother told me recently:

How do you tell the age of a dead baby?
Cut off its head and count the rings.

ugh, that's really sick...but astonishingly humorous!

[dontcareaboutmyid]

they told something like that on will and grace repeats only it was the arm of jack because it was his birthday and he didn't believe that he was thirty. he thought he was 29