Richard; The Traffic Warden

JackOneOff · 01-4-2008, 01:01 PM

"you ****in' piece of commy ****" said the black geeza with a z in his 'fro
"call me a commy again and I'll ****in' **** you up so ****in' bad you'll ****in' die" said the commy
A man runs into the aeroplane cabin where the two ****'s are having the conversation. "There is snakes on this ****in' plane"
"Oh Noes'" the commy replies.
The geeza with a z in his 'fro stands up saying "**** YOU"
The commy nuts the geeza with a z in his 'fro in his nut sack,
The geeza with a z in his 'fro *falls so good now* *hitting his head on the floor now*
The man who ran in when the two were having a conversation says "STOP FANNYING AROUND THERE'S MOTHER****ING SNAKES ON A MOTHER****ING PLANE,"
The commy, *pulls out gun now* *loads it so fast* *aims at the man who ran in when him and the geeza with a z in his 'fro where having a conversation*
*fires off a bullet* *rips the skin* *rips the muscle* *rips the tissue* *rips the brain*
Some lil kid runs in and shouts "MY CAR IS ALIIVEEEE" some car drives over and transforms, then all the transformer robos come and fight for some prostitute robot.
then someone pokes there head around door and goes "Ahh Bistro" and then disappears.
*then camera cuts to some family watchin a movie* dad jumps over the couch holding popcorn and says "Redenbackers microwave popcorn M' boooooyyy"
*the camera cuts back to the plane, where the geeza with a z in his 'fro, the commy, and The man who ran in when the two were having a conversation are all sitting at a table,*
Then the commy starts puking up and throws up in the death race 2000 memorobilia box

Tokzic · 01-4-2008, 01:08 PM

looks like the bar has been raised on the lit forum because this is the best story i've ever read

we're going to need to step it up guys

JackOneOff · 01-4-2008, 01:25 PM

What's with the god damn filter. Bloody thing. Now you don't get the full emotional impact of the story and the moral underlining it bares.

Crashfan3 · 01-4-2008, 01:37 PM

I lol'd.
</sarcasm>

Aleste · 01-4-2008, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JackOneOff

moral underlining it bares.

...i see.

meno_rocks123 · 01-4-2008, 02:41 PM

I lol'd

NFD · 01-4-2008, 02:42 PM

I lol'ed at you lol'ing.

**ShastaTwist** · 01-4-2008, 03:04 PM

What?

**Jtehanonymous** · 01-4-2008, 04:19 PM

I loved how I could picture myself there.

jugglinguy · 01-4-2008, 04:21 PM

Please tell me you'll be writing more, and longer, stories in the future?

Engler · 01-4-2008, 04:24 PM

Oh, come now you fools, can't you see?

THIS MAN IS BRILLIANT.

**andy-o24** · 01-5-2008, 03:14 PM

First off, I did NOT lol.

Secondly, what you did in this 'story' was take parts from Snakes on a Plane and Transformers and mash them together in some strange way to make it seem like a story. The addition of the popcorn was completely uncalled for and should not have been made in this attempt at story writing.

Thirdly, I don't want you to hate me because I'm taking this seriously. That's just who I am, I take things seriously. Arguing on the internet though, as all should know, is AWESOME which is why taking things seriously makes life more interesting.

Next time you attempt to write a story, long or short, use your own matterials. Thanks.

-o24

JackOneOff · 01-10-2008, 09:05 AM

First off, I did NOT lol. - I never said you did...

Secondly, what you did in this 'story' was take parts from Snakes on a Plane and Transformers and mash them together in some strange way to make it seem like a story. The addition of the popcorn was completely uncalled for and should not have been made in this attempt at story writing. - 'Attempt'? I've made the story, and it does not matter if you think it is crap or not, at the end of the day, it is still a story.

Thirdly, I don't want you to hate me because I'm taking this seriously. That's just who I am, I take things seriously. Arguing on the internet though, as all should know, is AWESOME which is why taking things seriously makes life more interesting. - ... okay... I don't know why you had to rant about yourself there...

Next time you attempt to write a story, long or short, use your own matterials. Thanks. - Use my own what? What is 'Matterials'? Do you mean 'Material', and do not put an 's' on the end of 'Material' either.

MalReynolds · 01-10-2008, 09:30 AM

No. You haven't made a story. A story has a narrative. What you did was take parts of narratives and put them together. Once again, not a story.

Most stories have beginnings, middles, and ends that are clearly defined. You don't seem like James Joyce to me, so I doubt you're going to write anything groundbreaking that doesn't follow the beginning-middle-end pattern.

You're nitpicking at this guy's grammar - did you even read your original post?

I don't know if you're trying to be funny or if you're just arrogantly defending your work. I thought it was a joke at first, but after your latest post, I'm not sure anymore.

Tokzic · 01-10-2008, 10:47 AM

mal

this guy is clearly above us

do not question his mastery of language

toxicninja · 01-10-2008, 10:52 AM

i liked the death race 2000 reference, it was very subtle and quite well done.

**All_That_Chaz** · 01-10-2008, 12:35 PM

My palm is stuck to my face! I can't get it off! Someone help!

01-4-2008, 01:01 PM	#1
JackOneOff FFR Player Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 6	Richard; The Traffic Warden "you **in' piece of commy " said the black geeza with a z in his 'fro "call me a commy again and I'll in' you up so in' bad you'll in' die" said the commy A man runs into the aeroplane cabin where the two 's are having the conversation. "There is snakes on this in' plane" "Oh Noes'" the commy replies. The geeza with a z in his 'fro stands up saying "** YOU" The commy nuts the geeza with a z in his 'fro in his nut sack, The geeza with a z in his 'fro falls so good now hitting his head on the floor now The man who ran in when the two were having a conversation says "STOP FANNYING AROUND THERE'S MOTHER**ING SNAKES ON A MOTHER*ING PLANE," The commy, pulls out gun now* loads it so fast aims at the man who ran in when him and the geeza with a z in his 'fro where having a conversation fires off a bullet rips the skin rips the muscle rips the tissue rips the brain Some lil kid runs in and shouts "MY CAR IS ALIIVEEEE" some car drives over and transforms, then all the transformer robos come and fight for some prostitute robot. then someone pokes there head around door and goes "Ahh Bistro" and then disappears. then camera cuts to some family watchin a movie dad jumps over the couch holding popcorn and says "Redenbackers microwave popcorn M' boooooyyy" the camera cuts back to the plane, where the geeza with a z in his 'fro, the commy, and The man who ran in when the two were having a conversation are all sitting at a table, Then the commy starts puking up and throws up in the death race 2000 memorobilia box

01-4-2008, 01:08 PM	#2
Tokzic FFR Player Join Date: May 2005 Location: TGB Age: 34 Posts: 6,878	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden looks like the bar has been raised on the lit forum because this is the best story i've ever read we're going to need to step it up guys __________________ ~very popular guitar streamer~ Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what

01-4-2008, 01:25 PM	#3
JackOneOff FFR Player Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 6	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden What's with the god damn filter. Bloody thing. Now you don't get the full emotional impact of the story and the moral underlining it bares.

01-4-2008, 01:37 PM	#4
Crashfan3 FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Jefferson, Ore. Age: 32 Posts: 2,937	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden I lol'd. </sarcasm> __________________ Twilight Sparkle's Ponyville Group Free Chiptune Streaming Radio! Thanks justin_ator and megamon88 for making my sig 20% cooler.

01-4-2008, 02:41 PM	#6
meno_rocks123 FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: in a box on the corner of main and broadway Age: 31 Posts: 2,324	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden I lol'd

01-4-2008, 02:42 PM	#7
NFD FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: I see us on a beach down in, Mexico Age: 31 Posts: 4,715	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden I lol'ed at you lol'ing. __________________

01-4-2008, 03:04 PM	#8
ShastaTwist FFR Veteran Join Date: Sep 2004 Age: 33 Posts: 599	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden What?

01-4-2008, 04:24 PM	#11
Engler FFR Player Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: CNY Age: 31 Posts: 2,339	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden Oh, come now you fools, can't you see? THIS MAN IS BRILLIANT. __________________

01-10-2008, 09:05 AM	#13
JackOneOff FFR Player Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 6	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden First off, I did NOT lol. - I never said you did... Secondly, what you did in this 'story' was take parts from Snakes on a Plane and Transformers and mash them together in some strange way to make it seem like a story. The addition of the popcorn was completely uncalled for and should not have been made in this attempt at story writing. - 'Attempt'? I've made the story, and it does not matter if you think it is crap or not, at the end of the day, it is still a story. Thirdly, I don't want you to hate me because I'm taking this seriously. That's just who I am, I take things seriously. Arguing on the internet though, as all should know, is AWESOME which is why taking things seriously makes life more interesting. - ... okay... I don't know why you had to rant about yourself there... Next time you attempt to write a story, long or short, use your own matterials. Thanks. - Use my own what? What is 'Matterials'? Do you mean 'Material', and do not put an 's' on the end of 'Material' either.

01-10-2008, 09:30 AM	#14
MalReynolds CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: A Denny's Bathroom. Age: 36 Posts: 6,571	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden No. You haven't made a story. A story has a narrative. What you did was take parts of narratives and put them together. Once again, not a story. Most stories have beginnings, middles, and ends that are clearly defined. You don't seem like James Joyce to me, so I doubt you're going to write anything groundbreaking that doesn't follow the beginning-middle-end pattern. You're nitpicking at this guy's grammar - did you even read your original post? I don't know if you're trying to be funny or if you're just arrogantly defending your work. I thought it was a joke at first, but after your latest post, I'm not sure anymore. __________________ "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!

01-10-2008, 10:47 AM	#15
Tokzic FFR Player Join Date: May 2005 Location: TGB Age: 34 Posts: 6,878	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden mal this guy is clearly above us do not question his mastery of language __________________ ~very popular guitar streamer~ Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what

01-10-2008, 10:52 AM	#16
toxicninja FFR Player Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 77	Re: Richard; The Traffic Warden i liked the death race 2000 reference, it was very subtle and quite well done.

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