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FFR Player
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I've noticed that lately all Lit has been getting are half-assed poems, some of which are simply based on those bloody annoying MSN icons or avatars or whatever you call those 100x100 atrocities. I have decided to break this drought of creativity by posting the rough versions of poems I have to write. Give me any criticism you've got - also, don't bother posting if you think it's about the obvious vehicle theme.
- (Formatting on this one is as close as I can get it without making it an image. Gesundheit It can start from anything or nothing at all But once the fuse is ignited, It cannot be put out by even the most airtight press. It's over in an instant, And yet the buildup slows everything like a dam lowered into a dam a stream of time. Then, unexpectedly, even though you had the feeling it would happen all along, you feel the silence remorselessly bludgeoned to DEATH , then, There is the horrible shapeless mess that lingers for a lifetime or what's left of them. EDIT: Sidenote - if you need to ask what the underlying theme is, you're wrong about it, or don't have it exactly. If you do get it, please don't post what it is in the thread, just say, "Yeah, I got the meaning." I need to see if I need to pull it forward, shroud it a little more, or leave it the way it is. - transfUsion today, i Stole a glancE at my veiNs. being roBbed by plastic, belOngings stored in gLass bags. never to be seen again.
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Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what Last edited by Tokzic; 11-3-2007 at 06:01 PM.. |
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#2 | |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: behind your couch
Age: 27
Posts: 359
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bless you too and nice poem
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#3 |
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FFR Player
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thnx dud urs wuz rly kewl 2 ^______&;;;
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Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what |
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#4 | |
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FFR Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2004
Age: 30
Posts: 599
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Quote:
EDIT:: This poem is good. It's extremely hard to criticize a free verse poem, though. :[ Last edited by ShastaTwist; 10-1-2007 at 03:01 PM.. |
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#5 |
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FFR Player
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Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what |
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#6 |
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FFR Player
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You can come across it on purpose
or by total mistake But once you are there You must continue Especially when being FORCED TO READ AND UNDERSTAND THE ****ING POEM WHAT THE **** DOES IT ****ING **** **** MEAN **** It's over in an instant, And yet the buildup slows everything like a dam lowered into a dam a stream of time. Then, unexpectedly, even though you had the feeling it would happen all along, you feel the silence remorselessly bludgeoned to DEATH , then, There is the horrible shapeless confusion that lingers for a lifetime or WHAT THE **** IS THIS POEM **** **** **** ****** ****
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last.fm |
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#7 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: A secluded valley in Utah.
Age: 33
Posts: 136
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Thank you, Lord Carbo... I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking ZOMG, WTF?
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[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] The world has gone crazy and so have I. |
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#8 |
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FFR Player
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actually carbo figured it out sorry yes you are
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Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what |
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#9 |
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FFR Player
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Updated with new poem. Uh oh.
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Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what |
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#10 |
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FFR Player
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Transfusion was not complete. Now it is complete.
One more coming then I'm letting this topic die.
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Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what |
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