Parental Question

[Wlfwnd91]

Alright, this may belong in Chit Chat, and if so, then feel free to move it (as I'm sure you do), but I wanted to ask the opinions of some of the smarter thinkers of FFR, to know if I'm just being a whiney little teenaged kid, or if my mom is seriously being a complete douche to me. So heeeere's what happened..

On Friday I made a deal with my mom that I would mow the front yard on Friday, and then the back yard at my discretion. She said "No, I want you to have the back yard done by 3pm on Saturday." So, I agreed and said that I'd have it done. Because I was planning on having the lawn mowed by 3pm Saturday, I made plans for about 4pm on Saturday, for the rest of the night, and I also made plans for Sunday, cause I didn't have any chores I wanted to get done.

Around 2pm on Saturday I went out to the shed to get the mower out, and I realized it was gone. I knew my mom was down at her boyfriend's old house (cause he moved in with us) and they were finishing cleaning it up. So I called and she said that she had the mower, and would be home at 5pm and she said she wanted me to mow the lawn then. I said I had plans and she said that "We'd play it by ear." which means "If I don't like looking at the back yard then I'm going to call for you to come home and mow it, I don't care what you're doing." She let me go by Saturday, which was fine by me. Now I have plans for today, I oughta be leaving in about 15-20 minutes, and it's downpouring. My mom wants me to mow the back yard as soon as it stops raining. I have plans that I had made on Friday, and she's telling me to put em off because she decided to take the lawn mower.

So, her and her boyfriend are playing cards and she asks me to sit down for a minute. I do so, and she starts telling me how I come up with all these excuses to not get my work done, and how I take advantage of her and everything she does. How I don't do any work around the house, or help out in any way shape or form, and how everyone just wants wants wants and never gives.

I clean the bathroom every day because I HATE filthy bathrooms. It's an OCD if you will. I do my own dishes which the entire household decided on (doing their own dishes), and the only thing I DON'T do is my own laundry.

I'm wondering if I'm right to be pissed about my mom treating me like a lower life form, or if by her being the parent and me being the kid I AM a lower life form. Should I bend over and be the bitch? Or am I just being a whiney little 16 year old?

[TheRapingDragon]

About the mower: you left it until 1 hour before you were supposed to have finished. That was your fault, if anything you should have done it that morning just to have it out of the way. Though your mum changing it to 5pm was wrong but as I said, you should have had it already done.

Concerning the rest, well, I can't comment on your mum or what she thinks you do or don't do. We don't live in your house, we don't see what you do. We don't know if she has a point or if you do.

Just try to reason with her, that's all you can do. Talk to her about it, explain this to her in an adult manner and try to show her that you are feeling a bit undervalued and want to know how you both can come to an agreement.

Just be sure not to come off as sarcastic or annoyed or anything.

[All_That_Chaz]

her house, her rules. be as calm and mature as you can when arguing your point with her, but if she doesn't change her mind, deal with it. you have to play the game with parents.

[Pikachu655]

Hmmmm i get that from my mother a lot to, cept i'm accually not any older that 16 (my profile says otherwise) also Don't bend over for her personaly i think that if i tell some one i'll do something at a spacific time or have it done at/by a spacific time and this some one then prevents me from doing it i'd want to say something along the lines of: it's your fault i couldn't do it! but then they would reaspond: but you could have done it sooner! Uh yea i could have IF you had been smart enough to tell me that you where taking the lawn mower or a spacific tool needed to get the job done. I could go on and on but overal opinion Tell her that you'll do it on another day of the week becuase she prevented you from getting it done. If she says no then just go anyways sure you'll get "Grounded" but what does that do but keep you from doing a few things?

[Wlfwnd91]

I guess I should specify that she left at 7am.. And there's some noise law in our town, that on a Saturday you can't mow your lawn or something til 9-10am

EDIT @ TRD: She used to actually be really understanding and treated me as an equal until her boyfriend showed up. Now if I talk to her like an equal I have an attitude, so either I bend down or I actually GET an attitude to try and put myself above her because I'm being shoved down so much.

I do try and reason with her, and it really doesn't work. Especially when the douche bag (her boyfriend) is around.

[Pikachu655]

Just out of curiosity what is her boyfriend like? As in metal head, druggie, stupid person, something like that?

[alster1]

Originally Posted by All_That_Chaz

her house, her rules. be as calm and mature as you can when arguing your point with her, but if she doesn't change her mind, deal with it. you have to play the game with parents.

i agree fully
~al

[Wlfwnd91]

Originally Posted by Pikachu655

Just out of curiosity what is her boyfriend like? As in metal head, druggie, stupid person, something like that?

He's big, black, grew up in chicago, and is sincerely dumb.

[TheRapingDragon]

Originally Posted by alster1

i agree fully
~al

Read the rules:

1. Only post if you can contribute something to the topic/debate. This means no more: "What <insert name> Said" , or "I agree/disagree".

Also, Wlfwnd91, unfortunately you still cannot be rude or immature to her or anything, you have to continue to get her to listen to reason. Be adult, be clear with your points before you bring them up and then sit your mum down and talk to her. If she won't be reasonable then unfortunately your options boil down to "stick with it" or "move out".

[ashleychauntel]

It may be her house and her rules but it is unfair for your mom to treat you that way. I think a big part of growing up deals with parents treating kids like adults and giving them adult responsibilities as well. If you mom gives you a time then I don't think she should be able to change it on you last minute and then expect you to abide completely - if she is the one that messed up the initial plan than she is the one that should be willing to make a compromise with you on when the chore could be completed, but not last minute.

That is not fair to you.

I don't really know much about you or your mom or your life - that is just what I think in regard to a parent/child relationships. Parents have to be willing to bend a bit, children on there at their beck and call and aren't supposed to be.

Oh, and I am not saying be an ass to your mom - but you may want to explain to her that you are trying to grow up too and that you aren't there yet, you're still a kid and you want to do kid like things, like hang out with your friends and that she can't just expect you to do everything she wants whenever she feels like it. She took the lawn mower, she should have to work with you on completing the job she wants done because she messed up the first time.

[Wlfwnd91]

Thanks guys. I was expecting a lot more flaming of me, but you've all been real cool and helped me get my thoughts straightened a lot more. I'm heading out now, but if you all want to keep discussing this I'd love to read what else you guys have to say when I get back. Thank you again (I know not a CT post, but wanted to show my appreciation)

[slipstrike0159]

Originally Posted by Pikachu655

Hmmmm i get that from my mother a lot to, cept i'm accually not any older that 16 (my profile says otherwise) also Don't bend over for her personaly i think that if i tell some one i'll do something at a spacific time or have it done at/by a spacific time and this some one then prevents me from doing it i'd want to say something along the lines of: it's your fault i couldn't do it! but then they would reaspond: but you could have done it sooner! Uh yea i could have IF you had been smart enough to tell me that you where taking the lawn mower or a spacific tool needed to get the job done. I could go on and on but overal opinion Tell her that you'll do it on another day of the week becuase she prevented you from getting it done. If she says no then just go anyways sure you'll get "Grounded" but what does that do but keep you from doing a few things?

Was that seriously 4 sentences...? wow

In any case, sadly enough in these cases you are completely at fault in the eyes of your parents if you do one thing wrong. You should have done it all on friday plain and simple, procrastinating will get you screwed. Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that parents have 'supreme executive authority' (lol at monty python quote) over you. Politically your only options are to do something to get into foster care (horrible idea), emancipating from your mom (another horrible idea), running away (equally horrible) or taking it until you move out. However, once you move out you are going to have to take it from your boss and many other superiors.

[alster1]

all these long replies are making me nauseous...

[1337h4xz0r]

Sounds just like my dad =), only he's more of a dick.

[Pikachu655]

Originally Posted by slipstrike0159

Was that seriously 4 sentences...? wow

In any case, sadly enough in these cases you are completely at fault in the eyes of your parents if you do one thing wrong. You should have done it all on friday plain and simple, procrastinating will get you screwed. Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that parents have 'supreme executive authority' (lol at monty python quote) over you. Politically your only options are to do something to get into foster care (horrible idea), emancipating from your mom (another horrible idea), running away (equally horrible) or taking it until you move out. However, once you move out you are going to have to take it from your boss and many other superiors.

You don't have to accept it but you still gotta live with it. I'd also like to add that if you think your mothers boyfreind (or dad's girlfriend) is a total dick no matter how selffish or rude your parent is they should at least listen to what you have to say. You should tell your mother what you think of this guy, also some advice when you do this: make sure he isn't able to hear you tell her your opinion.

[devonin]

Originally Posted by alster1

all these long replies are making me nauseous...

1/ This is CT, we make long replies because we state opinions and then support them.

2/ Your response didn't actually add anything to the discussion at all, and thus shoudln't have been made in CT, if anywhere.

3/ The word you're looking for is 'nauseated' The word 'nauseous' means 'having the quality of making other things nauseated.'

[claytonffrking]

Originally Posted by TheRapingDragon

About the mower: you left it until 1 hour before you were supposed to have finished. That was your fault, if anything you should have done it that morning just to have it out of the way. Though your mum changing it to 5pm was wrong but as I said, you should have had it already done.

Concerning the rest, well, I can't comment on your mum or what she thinks you do or don't do. We don't live in your house, we don't see what you do. We don't know if she has a point or if you do.

Just try to reason with her, that's all you can do. Talk to her about it, explain this to her in an adult manner and try to show her that you are feeling a bit undervalued and want to know how you both can come to an agreement.

Just be sure not to come off as sarcastic or annoyed or anything.

yah what he said

[Sir_Thomas]

Originally Posted by Wlfwnd91

It's an OCD if you will. I do my own dishes which the entire household decided on (doing their own dishes), and the only thing I DON'T do is my own laundry.

This may sound bitchy but please dont say "Its an OCD." because OCD isnt just a cleaning thing. I dont know how many times when I told someone I had OCD they go "OH YOU ARE SUPER CLEANSLINESS?!!" because its not.

If you have OCD, ok. But this just irritates me. OCD isnt about clean anything. Most of the people who have OCD and wash their hands prolly dont even give a damn about how clean their hands are (Based on experience I guess.)..

I know this is off topic but its just annoys me seeing people say "Its an OCD." when its not. Just because you are clean doesnt mean its OCD. And you cant have one part of OCD and not the rest unless your OCD is really REALLY mild.

[devonin]

Well, unless it is an actual disorder that you have (And they do document such things) using the term is just needless hyperbole.

Though, as every person on earth knows, hyperbole is the sigle greatest concept in the history of creation.

[slipstrike0159]

Originally Posted by Sir_Thomas

This may sound bitchy but please dont say "Its an OCD." because OCD isnt just a cleaning thing. I dont know how many times when I told someone I had OCD they go "OH YOU ARE SUPER CLEANSLINESS?!!" because its not.

If you have OCD, ok. But this just irritates me. OCD isnt about clean anything. Most of the people who have OCD and wash their hands prolly dont even give a damn about how clean their hands are (Based on experience I guess.)..

I know this is off topic but its just annoys me seeing people say "Its an OCD." when its not. Just because you are clean doesnt mean its OCD. And you cant have one part of OCD and not the rest unless your OCD is really REALLY mild.

Wow, way to rant about a personal pet peeve and go off topic.

Anyway, its always best to try talking about things and expressing your feelings towards it. If you are lucky enough your mom will understand and stop, but generally that isnt the nature of our parents.