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#1 |
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FFR Player
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I just got done arguing/debating with a friend on this, and we couldn't come to a mutual agreement, so I'm taking it here to see what you guys think.
For the sake of this thread I am going to use the acronym "IRL" as an adjective for in-person friends, just because it doesn't feel right to call them "real" friends (implies the others aren't real). As communication over the Internet has become increasingly common over the years, practically everyone has had conversations with strangers online. With time, conversations make acquaintances, and with more time, acquaintances become friends. With even more time, and the right match of people, I believe that online friends can potentially become very close, to a point of equal respect and love as those one is close with in person. I personally have a rare few friends I have known for 6+ years online, through various communicae; essentially growing up through teenager-hood together. We relate really well, and can talk about anything and everything to each other. A level of trust I share with my closest friends IRL. They mean a lot to me. This friend I was arguing with, however (an IRL friend for the record), asserts that this is impossible. The Internet can in no way replace an in-person experience. He doesn't think it's right to treat any online friend with the same amount of respect you would treat an IRL friend. I know that there are perspectives on a person that you cannot get online, but I certainly don't think that losing those completely nullifies any valuable friendship. With the loss of physical presence, you do get other benefits (such as in my case and I'm sure in many others', I can express my thoughts much more easily and clearly in text than in spoken word). It's starting to sadden me now that I'm realizing how many of my friends don't understand my position on this issue. So. Do you think it is possible and acceptable to have a meaningful relationship with a friend solely online, to the point where you treat this friend with the same amount of respect and attention as you would an IRL one?
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♪~ Always Happy! Smile! Hello! I like delicious things I shoot eye beams at the things I hate and make them explode! (Yay!) So Happy! Smile! Hello! It's a picnic every day There's lots of happiness in my pocket So let's play forever~ Last edited by jamuko; 05-7-2007 at 05:18 PM.. Reason: boldedededed |
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#2 |
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doin' just fine
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Age: 28
Posts: 822
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To answer your end question, IMO Yes.
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#3 |
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lil j the bad b-word
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Yes. Definitely, definitely yes. My online friends were there in times my "IRL" friends weren't or could not be. It's so much easier to open up to them (especially ones who you aren't even that close with), because who are they going to tell that will affect your life? I've gotten really close to a few people online. Only with one was an extreme closeness. We knew each other better than our parents knew us. It was an awesome feeling to have such a great friend there for you, and I trusted that person with anything. Even though we don't talk anymore much at all, I know that they have not told anyone a single secret I ever told them. They really were great and it's a shame we had to grow apart because of colleges, etc. I highly believe that having online friends is just as beneficial, if not more, than "IRL" friends.
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#4 |
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FFR Player
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Well lets be logical here, before I even state my view. Your asking an online community, so expect a lot of "yes they can"'s. That being said...
Yes they can. I personaly have a friend I met over Xbox Live, and his grandparents live about an hour from me. I didn't find that out untill he told me, which was a fairly big shock. For the record, I live in Ohio, and he lives in California, so I never expected to see him, but now him and I are close friends, even if we've only ever met twice. Having not been online long enough to really know anyone more than ~3 years, I have yet to experience many cases of online friends being as close to me as my friends IRL. However, I can easily see how many people could be just as close with people online (who they have never met) as with people they see every day (depending on how much they are online, obviously). The group of people I raid with on World of Warcraft have all become fairly good friends of mine, and I've only had the game for about a year, and only ever talked to them via Teamspeak. But yes, in my opinion, a friend is a friend, even if they live hundreds of miles away from you. |
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#5 |
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FFR Player
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I met my best friend online (through maplestory surprisingly). We've met in person though so I don't know if that would really count? It's the fact that online, you can open up so much easier because it's so much easier telling a "stranger" something then a person you come into contact with everyday. The emotional aspect of a friendship is there in an online friendship, it's just not physical. I think that it's the whole package that makes a truly good friend, so I would have to say that the Internet is great for meeting new people and developing bonds, but you have to physically spend time with someone to see their true colors.
It's so easy to "edit" what you write in text. I'm sure many people have edited what they said in these posts. With "IRL" friends, you can't say something and then take it back. There is that "real" aspect of a person that also develops into a friendship. O_o
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pyro31191: TELL EVERYONE YOU WANT TO TAKE IT IN THE ASS NOW pyro31191: rofl pyro31191: You should tell them earlier though pyro31191: so they can buy dildos instead of fleshlights |
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#6 | |
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is against custom titles
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This can be argued. I believe that an online friendship can never be 100% like that of an IRL friendship, but hey, 99% is pretty damn good.
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--Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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#7 | ||
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FFR Player
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Quote:
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Online friends are a bit of a different experience from IRL friends, no doubt... but I don't see why the difference should make them any less valuable or meaningful. I have learned a lot about myself and others through communication on the Internet, and without that I probably would have just wasted time playing games or staring at the wall. I'd say that's pretty valuable as well.
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♪~ Always Happy! Smile! Hello! I like delicious things I shoot eye beams at the things I hate and make them explode! (Yay!) So Happy! Smile! Hello! It's a picnic every day There's lots of happiness in my pocket So let's play forever~ Last edited by jamuko; 05-7-2007 at 06:19 PM.. Reason: shh |
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#8 |
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FFR Player
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To be honest, the people I've met online are more like me than people I've met IRL. Thus, I can be closer to them because they are more like me, plus all the reasons mentioned above.
Of course, if you assume that you have two people that are both equally similar to you, but you know one online and one IRL, then I'd say the one you know IRL would be closer. |
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#9 | |
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FFR Player
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Here's my opinion on people that I only meet on the internet:
I've never met them in real life, probably never seen their friends, and, for the most part, haven't seen the way they live. This doesn't seem like a friendship to me. Quote:
Then again, me being the most two-sided person on the planet, noone has to be politcally correct. If it gets the point across and you're comfortable doing it, then by all means, be my guest. Long story short: I don't consider them to be my friends, but do whatever you want. edit: Also, this is where the meme "LOL, internet" comes in. Last edited by purebloodtexan; 05-7-2007 at 07:26 PM.. |
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#10 |
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is against custom titles
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The question, though, pureblood, is CAN you consider them friends. You clearly haven't developed a significant friendship online, but does that mean you can't? I've no doubt that with enough communication, people can develop great feelings for each other.
--Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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#11 |
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let it snow~
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I think you can, but I also think it will take a lot longer to do so.
IRL friends can be made in a day. In fact, I can think of a few examples. I never even met one of my best friends before he showed up at another friend's birthday party. Next day we were talking to each other before class, during lunch, and on the bus ride home until the end of the school year. I was incredibly wary just going to the VA Venture. In fact, my mom didn't even want to let me go unless I took an IRL friend with me. That alone is pretty good proof of what I'm trying to say. I still have my doubts about giving anyone on FFR my phone number or address. |
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#12 | ||
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FFR Player
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#13 | |
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FFR Player
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I've tried to get "friends" over the internet, it didn't work. We just couldn't see each other the way we did in real life. |
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#14 |
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FFR Player
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When people talk online, the reader interperets how the other person says something in the way the reader wants to believe it was said. Complimetns are more meaningful to the reader, and insults are less hurtful. An ideal of the person is formed, and in real life they may not be truly who you read them to be. This is only one personal experience, but I think it could be possible to truly connect with another person online, if only because some people are more comfortable facing a screen and are more extroverted because rejection isn't so harsh. Over time great relationships are formed, but meeting IRL is superior to the internet.
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^_^ MUFFIN!!!^_^ |
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#15 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,111
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Overall, I think it depends.
I mean, let me be honest with you, I kinda hate a lot of my "friends" in real life because I can't rely on them for anything. I've tried talking to them about stuff but they just couldn't handle it, no matter how simple it was. I almost feel like I've been thrown a crappy group of people. But being that this is the internet, I have access to talk to many, many more people in a much smaller amount of time, so I'm more likely to find reliable people. I mean yeah, if you could talk to that many people and they were that willing to speak to you in return in real life as you could on the internet, then I'm sure it'd be much, much better in real life. But the thing is, you can't. Only major upside I can think of is that here you are judged for who you really are, I guess :/ I guess that would give some people chances that otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to be as open as they are, no offense to anyone. |
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#16 |
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FFR Player
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Squeek, I can see a "fast friends" thing happening, but I doubt you can say you felt wholly connected and trusting to that person from the day you met, unless you were both in a time of dire need.
I'm always afraid of meeting online friends in real life as well, but it's not because I don't trust them. It's simply a self-confidence issue on my part, as I feel much more confident in my online self than IRL (sad but true), and I don't want to make people think less of me after meeting my awkward quiet self. I've met several online friends in person on multiple occasions (not counting VA Venture; while it was fun and interesting to meet cool people from FFR, I wasn't on close enough terms with any of them to be considered friends, and I was pretty much clammed up in a shell the whole time anyway). It does change your perception of people somewhat after that. Not necessarily for better or worse... just a new take on things. Pureblood, it's interesting to me that you see it that way. I suppose it has to do with which parts of friendships you most value. To me, the emotional connection and variety of thoughtful and fun conversation is ideal, and with that I feel no absolute need to go hang out at their houses or things like that. I'm quite content spending most of my free time alone or on the Internet (in fact, I kinda start to go crazy if I'm constantly around people, friends or not). That may be because my parents always kept me away from going out with friends often, or it may be just how I naturally am; who knows. Also, I never try to "get" friends. I just go about my way, and let the friendships form as they do. That's the most honest and reliable way to form any kind of long-lasting relationship, in my opinion. And Tosh, that's what I love about the Internet. They say writing is the highest form of communication, and I believe it. I feel good knowing that I will be judged solely on what I write; it's like a direct link to thoughts, without all that muddy stuff you have to worry about IRL like looks and speaking eloquently off the top of your head. In a way, it does mask some of your flaws... but it also shows your true intentions and thought processes, which I think form the basis of a deeper friendship than gaming-buddies or something of the sort.
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♪~ Always Happy! Smile! Hello! I like delicious things I shoot eye beams at the things I hate and make them explode! (Yay!) So Happy! Smile! Hello! It's a picnic every day There's lots of happiness in my pocket So let's play forever~ |
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#17 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 40
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people met online versus those met in physical form are created with two different requirements in mind but lead to the same thing in the end. Let me explain.
In this day and age, communication is no longer dependant on face-to-face interaction and as of such, that which is needed to interact becomes less and less. I think this is the underlying cause as to why a friend doesnt need to be seen physically to be considered such. However,the conditions in which a friend is met will not be the same online then in reality. Physical asthetics are thrown out the window, lending less of a bias to their opinion. An indiviual is more confident communicating through writing since they have ample time to form thoughts, etc. I dont think anyone is more or less "real" on or off though, just different. One simply dawns another mask when already under the guise of an alias. Jamuko, I've never heard that writing is the highest form of communication before, nor can I fully agree. I think language is the highest form of communication yes, and its completely understandable that you choose writing as your medium, however there are many things not being said for every word that is, which leaves greater holes for manipulation of the recipient. When in a face to face conversation, body language plays a large role in what an individual is attempting to infer with the words that they use. Being articulate and witty in the spur of the moment through speach often tends to draw a greater response through tones used and lack of time in between sentences, which is likely why emotional bonds are created faster in person then online. |
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#18 |
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FFR Player
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Indeed, the fact that you can't always show your TRUE emotion gets in the way on the internet, and you often have to type "[/sarcasm]" or something witty in white text in cases like that.
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#19 |
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sunshine and rainbows
Join Date: Feb 2006
Age: 38
Posts: 1,987
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"I have learned a lot about myself and others through communication on the Internet, and without that I probably would have just wasted time playing games or staring at the wall. I'd say that's pretty valuable as well."
Staring at the wall gets pretty damned boring after awhile, and don't I know it when I've been without a computer! I've had just as meaningful friends online as IRL, but it's different. There's definitely an 'ideal' thing going on that lavakeese mentioned when online, and in that way, they're better than IRL, and it just heightens friendship and attraction for me. It's nice to be able to share my thoughts, and the most incredible connections for me are based purely on them, friendship and physical; nothing's better than intelligent, meaningful conversation. However, I'm inarticulate IRL as my mind wanders from the topic and I stutter, although not badly. I'm also incredibly wary of people, and I tend not to tell people about myself until I learn about them to see if they're the type of people who'll judge me. However, when I'm not in a particularly talkative mood, an online friendship doesn't ever just get a comfortable silence thing going like you can get with people in real life. It's more like "ok, I'm done talking, bye!", or it gets awkward if you're not in the middle of doing something else. I disagree that strong emotional bonds are made quicker IRL though, and this is not the case for me. I definitely find that meaningful friendships can be found online, just as much so as IRL. Different, but just as meaningful. Last edited by Cavernio; 05-9-2007 at 11:56 AM.. |
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#20 |
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FFR Player
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ok a freind is a freind simple as that, sure there are things you can do together with a RL freinds but online you can find people that can truely understand you because of the wide range of communications, so i guess it boils down to what is important to you, hanging out in person or talking to someone who truely knows how you feel, idk im cool with everyone cept assholes so yea
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