07-18-2005, 08:37 AM
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#21 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 367
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RE: Re: RE: One of my stories
How did people think it was a joke?
In other words, how did I present it as a joke? Thank you all for your criticism and praise. |
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07-18-2005, 10:10 AM
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#22 |
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CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: A Denny's Bathroom.
Age: 38
Posts: 6,571
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RE: Re: RE: One of my stories
The style in which you presented it is a very joke-ish form, especially the whole "A guy walks into a church..."
Did I like it? Yes. But I was expecting a bigger twist. It was very straightforward and formulaic: A does B does C does D; Guy goes into church, confesses, realizes his error, turns himself in. It was very cut and dry. It was lacking in depth. And the way that you had the priest deliver his dialouge... His words were unnatural. I would restructure them to make them flow better. Mal
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"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback! |
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