Long distance relationships?

[Coolboyrulez0]

Dumped my first girlfriend ever over IM once we engaged into long-distance.
(by that I mean Europe to North America)
In hindsight that was a big ****ing dick move.
Haven't had a relationship since then :<

PS: Whenever I am in Germany, such as now for the Summer, I do visit her and we are on good terms.
No grudges are being held, thankfully, and we joke about the old days.

[justin_ator]

45 Minutes isn't too bad for me =]

It really takes the right people.

[SKG_Scintill]

Long distance coïtus doesn't work

[iironiic]

Long distance relationships could possibly work depending on the situation, but I don't even consider it due to the lack of trust between people online and me. If I were to ever be in one, I'd need to trust this person more than I would with an irl friend which is a leap of faith at my part. Moreover, online people are facing the same issues I am, thus, making online relationships really difficult to maintain. However, it completely depends on the person.

As for long distance relationships, one has to trust the other to keep the relationship strong and "healthy" (lol). Without the trust, you are constantly worried about what the other person is doing which results in an overreaction on the smallest actions, ultimately creating tension in the relationship.

So it all boils down to trust.

[Patricoo]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

A vast majority of high school relationships don't work out anyway, long distance or not.

This. That move from high school to college is a relationship murderer.

I had one where we used to be blocks away from each other. Suddenly I go away to college for a year and she becomes a cheating whore. (Can you tell it didn't end well?) I then went for another girl who was finishing up high school and feared the repercussions again in the shift to college. (Met as coworkers when I was home working for the summer.) Now I'm back and trying to get a post-college job. We're nearby once again so hopefully we've weathered the first biggest hurdle into being a long-term couple. Our second year anniversary is in a week.

I've seen evidence of these internet relationships sort of both work and fail. On one hand, I knew a guy who started up an internet relationship and tried to go out of his way to get to a college near the girl. They broke during that major maturity shift and was stuck in a place he no longer wanted to be. On the other hand, I know a girl who had a crush on a guy she met on the internet visited. She visited him in Tennessee. Then after only two days of meeting up they move in together in Florida. They're as happy as can be at the moment somehow. Oh and one more. On monday I'm going to see someone off to the train station as she goes to visit some guy for the first time. She's been e-dating the guy for a few months and met over x-box live. Lets see how that goes!

Personally, I can't and won't do long-distance anymore. Not being able to be physically together every so often is beyond me. Relationships online are easier to maintain initially but tend to struggle more as time endures. The longer you go out, the more your needs to commitment change and those feelings aren't as easily met online.

But hey, whatever. Some of you people have figured out how to do it... so congrats!

[t-rogdor]

I've been in an LDR for about 4 months now
We talk via every form possible as much as possible and talk for a few hours every night
Just met up with her this weekend and she left today
Probably the best few days of my life

The thought that a relationship failed because it was long distance is like saying someone is good at art because they come from an area famous for being artistic. It's not the action that makes the relationship shit itself, it's the people involved.
If you can make it work, good for you. If it doesn't work out, it probably wouldn't have worked out in real life either.

[Dorby]

I personally find it's better to first get to know yourself before any type of relationship.

Having a long-distance relationship (as in meeting online and not face to face) can often manifest feelings quickly. You might find yourself thinking you love someone only a week after talking to them, or feel as if this is the person you have been waiting for. It's VERY important to step out of that dream state and seriously examine your situation with a clear head and a "real" mindset, rather than living in a fantasy world. Keep in mind that you honestly don't know this person, and that it's easier to type anything than actually talk face to face. It's crucial that you plan to meet in a safe environment as soon as possible, so that you can interact and get a better understanding of how the other person communicates, how their personality really is, etc. so that you do not spend time being disillusioned and "creating" their personality for them without even meeting.

I don't understand why people are trying to relay their opinions simply by saying some kind of Internet success story... I see that kind of attitude as if it were a smoker saying he never got lung cancer, so cigarettes aren't harmful. It's a moronic stance to have. Having an Internet relationship, if you can even call it a relationship, has drastic cons for any one pro.

[Arch0wl]

Originally Posted by t-rogdor

We talk via every form possible as much as possible and talk for a few hours every night
Just met up with her this weekend and she left today
Probably the best few days of my life

This isn't a dig at your relationship, but that anecdote says very little. I mean, no shit you talk all the time when you're (1) new and (2) far away.

A friend of mine, who cheated on her boyfriend (who previously cheated on her) while his dad was dying of cancer with a guy who was also cheating on his girlfriend, talks to the guy all the time via Skype. I'm sure she relies on lines like "BUT WE TALK ALL THE TIME" to legitimize it.

[Crashfan3]

I dated a girl once and five weeks into our relationship, her dad took a job in Arkansas and she moved there with her family. We tried to make it work but it fell apart in two months. Props to you, OP, if you can make it work.

[darkshark]

I've been in 3 long distance relationships, the first two didn't work out in any sense because I didn't really have the means to even attempt to see the person, which is the biggest downfall of a distanced relationship. Your body and mind CRAVE physical interaction. The 3rd one worked out great and lasted a long time because I was able to actually go see her at regular intervals (every 1-2 months). We ended on really good terms and continue to remain best friends. Even to this day I still feel like she's my "soulmate" of sorts, and I'm totally going to marry her one day. Choose your battles wisely, if you feel like you have a definite future with this person, but no means to have a physical connection, then it might be best to call things off until you're at a better spot in life.

[iironiic]

Originally Posted by Dorby

I personally find it's better to first get to know yourself before any type of relationship.

This.

[Patricoo]

Originally Posted by Dorby

It's crucial that you plan to meet in a safe environment as soon as possible, so that you can interact and get a better understanding of how the other person communicates, how their personality really is, etc. so that you do not spend time being disillusioned and "creating" their personality for them without even meeting.

I don't understand why people are trying to relay their opinions simply by saying some kind of Internet success story... I see that kind of attitude as if it were a smoker saying he never got lung cancer, so cigarettes aren't harmful. It's a moronic stance to have. Having an Internet relationship, if you can even call it a relationship, has drastic cons for any one pro.

Communicating in other means, besides verbally, changes a lot between people. There was a study showing that couples who text heavily are more likely to engage in sexual activity quicker in the relationship. It said that people believed they 'knew' someone better and that time spent texting was, to them, the equivalent of being around each other.

Random thought; There are handful of people meeting up stories coming out. How many people had these long distance relationships and when they finally met up, completely turned it into a sextraviganza.

[darkshark]

First one I met, sure, 3 times a day for a week straight. Last one, no, we had sex pretty much like normal people, 3-4 times a week.

[Cold Kitten]

Hm, well, from what I can tell, the only MAJOR factor is who the people are. It might help to tell you all that the other person and I are basically the same person, just in two different bodies.

We act the same, like the exact same things, think in the same way, have the same personality, etc, etc. We might as well be one person.

[~kitty~]

A long distance relationship can be deceiving, as one in real life can be. Long distance can be even more deceiving and like Dorby said, people could be caught up inside of a fantasy world. However, at the same time, more so than in real life you can get to know someone more with a long distance relationship since you focus less on some of the things that require physical contact. You spend more time talking and learning, depending on how the relationship goes. In real life, couples tend to spend less time together than long distance. A long distance relationship isn't as secure as a real life one, so there are pros and cons for both.

[3lijah]

I had one. a couple years back. Her name was Sarah. I live in Virginia, and she lived in ****ing Texas, man.

To put it simply, the time we were going too finally see eachother, after 1 year of nothing but texts and all night phone calls. She wanted to go to the Vans Warped Tour. Didnt dig it that much, but the only band I actually wanted to see was Parkway Drive. Anyway, she got really sick sometime in May. I thought it was the flu or something, but after about a week, she got worse. I told her to go to the doctor to get herself checked out. I called her afterwards and she said that they gave her a shot. No idea what for, but that was it. she was fine for a few hours, but then it got really bad again. I was talking to her one day, and she said she was going to be sick. The last words I heard from her was 'I love you' in a really weak voice. I was so worried that night.

I woke up the next day, in the best of spirits for some odd reason. I got to school and there was a Math exam to do. Didnt pass it at all lol. But after the exam, I got a call from her phone. I answered like usual, but it was her dad. He told me that she had passed away in her sleep last night. I was devastated.

All we had was myspace and cell phones to keep us together. I never saw her a day in my life. And that is my biggest regret, 100 percent. I still miss her to this day.

[Sephiroth28]

Originally Posted by 3lijah

I had one. a couple years back. Her name was Sarah. I live in Virginia, and she lived in ****ing Texas, man.

To put it simply, the time we were going too finally see eachother, after 1 year of nothing but texts and all night phone calls. She wanted to go to the Vans Warped Tour. Didnt dig it that much, but the only band I actually wanted to see was Parkway Drive. Anyway, she got really sick sometime in May. I thought it was the flu or something, but after about a week, she got worse. I told her to go to the doctor to get herself checked out. I called her afterwards and she said that they gave her a shot. No idea what for, but that was it. she was fine for a few hours, but then it got really bad again. I was talking to her one day, and she said she was going to be sick. The last words I heard from her was 'I love you' in a really weak voice. I was so worried that night.

I woke up the next day, in the best of spirits for some odd reason. I got to school and there was a Math exam to do. Didnt pass it at all lol. But after the exam, I got a call from her phone. I answered like usual, but it was her dad. He told me that she had passed away in her sleep last night. I was devastated.

All we had was myspace and cell phones to keep us together. I never saw her a day in my life. And that is my biggest regret, 100 percent. I still miss her to this day.

Wow, that's a pretty sad story man.

[t-rogdor]

Originally Posted by Arch0wl

This isn't a dig at your relationship, but that anecdote says very little. I mean, no shit you talk all the time when you're (1) new and (2) far away.

A friend of mine, who cheated on her boyfriend (who previously cheated on her) while his dad was dying of cancer with a guy who was also cheating on his girlfriend, talks to the guy all the time via Skype. I'm sure she relies on lines like "BUT WE TALK ALL THE TIME" to legitimize it.

Oh yeah, wouldn't ever take it like that. What you said makes makes perfect sense. I wasn't even saying that as a way to legitimize it, honestly.
The frequency at which you talk to someone doesn't have shit to do with the stability of your relationship. Hell, back when I loathed B3nny, we talked almost daily.

[Arch0wl]

Originally Posted by t-rogdor

Hell, back when I loathed B3nny, we talked almost daily.

wtf that's the most passive-aggressive thing, why would you do that

[who_cares973]

That's commitment