I had this discussion on another forum, but I wanted to repaste it over here to see what you guys think.
I mainly want to challenge people who think it is better to keep infidelity a secret when it occurs.
"Since when is it fair to betray someone and not tell them that you've effectively destroyed trust? That would imply that trust is only as good as what you reveal, which undermines its very concept in the first place.
Just because most people are weak of character does not mean that the best advice is to simply "accept it" and try to justify cheating as some necessary evil or that somehow it is better to keep cheating a secret when it occurs because "ignorance is bliss." People need to be responsible for their actions. It's not like cheating is some small mistake. It's a huge lapse in judgment, and there's good reason why people hold cheating as a definite dealbreaker in relationships. When people try to find these loopholes to rationalize internalizing their mistakes, it's just a way for them to avoid solving the problem. You're just sweeping everything under the rug and hoping nobody is going to notice.
If people are going to be the best they can be for someone, then admitting to your mistakes is the best route, I would say. To those that would argue "But NOT telling them would make them happiest. To tell them would do nothing but inject negativity and sadness and make everyone worse off," you're not considering opportunity cost. The best decision you can make is to maintain as much trust as you can by coming forth and being honest. At least have the common decency to give the other person the choice to pursue someone else who is more faithful -- THAT would be the best supportive action if you are truly acting out of empathy. To internalize your mistake and keep it secret for the purposes of "maximizing overall utility" as a hedge against your ****up is morally presumptuous and unfair to the person you cheated on, and is by no way acting in their best interests.
People cheat because they're selfish. Selfish actions that betray trust, even when kept secret, are nevertheless damaging."
I mainly want to challenge people who think it is better to keep infidelity a secret when it occurs.
"Since when is it fair to betray someone and not tell them that you've effectively destroyed trust? That would imply that trust is only as good as what you reveal, which undermines its very concept in the first place.
Just because most people are weak of character does not mean that the best advice is to simply "accept it" and try to justify cheating as some necessary evil or that somehow it is better to keep cheating a secret when it occurs because "ignorance is bliss." People need to be responsible for their actions. It's not like cheating is some small mistake. It's a huge lapse in judgment, and there's good reason why people hold cheating as a definite dealbreaker in relationships. When people try to find these loopholes to rationalize internalizing their mistakes, it's just a way for them to avoid solving the problem. You're just sweeping everything under the rug and hoping nobody is going to notice.
If people are going to be the best they can be for someone, then admitting to your mistakes is the best route, I would say. To those that would argue "But NOT telling them would make them happiest. To tell them would do nothing but inject negativity and sadness and make everyone worse off," you're not considering opportunity cost. The best decision you can make is to maintain as much trust as you can by coming forth and being honest. At least have the common decency to give the other person the choice to pursue someone else who is more faithful -- THAT would be the best supportive action if you are truly acting out of empathy. To internalize your mistake and keep it secret for the purposes of "maximizing overall utility" as a hedge against your ****up is morally presumptuous and unfair to the person you cheated on, and is by no way acting in their best interests.
People cheat because they're selfish. Selfish actions that betray trust, even when kept secret, are nevertheless damaging."
![kommisar[os]](./core/../customavatars/avatar847570_17.jpg "kommisar[os]"){kind=avatar}
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