Mental Health Thread

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I just dealt with all my bs, what timing thread. lol

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It's here for future bs too so I mean you're covered

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The Garbage Bin has a similar thread called 'Post your depression/anxiety'. It currently has 2,972 posts This will be an interesting comparison to see if the rest of the site is as messed up as that small lot.

I personally have suffered from mental health problems for nearly a decade now and have no interest in sharing the particulars.

However, as someone who has gone through the years of failed medication and tests, persecution from working in a place that does not appear to understand how to reasonably adjust to people with mental health problems, and all the difficulties life throws at you when people don't understand in general, I've got my fair share of experience when it comes to the topic.

I'd be more than happy to offer advice, discuss things with people and generally show anyone that it can and does get better if you just keep fighting.

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I've dealt with ptsd from my childhood, and some depression that kicked in while I was in the military. I've been off and on prozac from 2011 to around early this year, just recently switched to cymbalta and I've made more progress towards bettering myself in the last few weeks than I have in the last few months.

I'm frustrated because I really struggled with school during the summer, so I have to pay out of pocket for at least one class in order to get my gpa above the required amount to use veteran benefits/studant loans. but I have some job opportunities lined up, so it's not all bad.

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I've been pretty good lately with Depression/Anxiety. Awhile ago i moved out of my girlfriends house (2 kids involved too) which was hard, but it was sort of like a "break". We've been working it out over time and things look good again. It was really all me, not her and i've taken the time to try and improve myself in different ways.

I've been smoking a lot of weed, to which has helped me a lot (And she's okay with this). I'm able to feel happiness and smile at all different things, none of which may not even be funny. I can be myself, how i used to feel before my life went to shit years upon years ago.

However, things are taking a bit of a dark turn again. My grandad a few months ago had a major heart attack and stroked out with multiple clots in the brain. God knows fucking how but he surived and not only survived..He only lost some vision in one of his eyes and lives a pretty normal life. Here's where it starts getting fucked. My grandma as of a couple of days ago, was diagnosed with mouth cancer. We don't know how bad it is until about Monday when she starts seeing what her options are, how far it has spread, etc.

She's currently 12/10 in pain, and the type of woman who doesn't get treated for anything. Knowing that she's barely able to talk without crying, makes me so fucking sad.
On top of this, my grandad (knowing how much pain she is in and not being able to do much) has had another heart attack. I have the fucked up feeling that these two are going to die together. My grandparents are like a second Mum and Dad to me. They were there for me when my childhood was shit. They believed in everything i wanted to do, or try.

I love them with all of my heart and i am scared to lose them.

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sorry to hear that man ):
how old are they? I still remember when I heard that my grandmother died, it sucks but it's life

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:( Grandad is around 70 and my Grandma is around 65-67.

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@Tarrik: Damn, anything happening to our elderly just breaks my heart. Hugged my grandmother a lot through bad times. Attachment's essential and if things have been looking up for you there surely is a way to relief them. Keep them close man.

@choof: I feel you. Coincidentally, I'm on academic probation and it's putting me in a situation of constant worry. But I bet if I wasn't I wouldn't be looking out for my future that much. At first, I've been putting a lot frustration and self-criticism towards it and I think with the new semester its starting to converge into conviction.

I kind of need to let this out even though it kind of sorted itself out:
Yesterday morning I've learned that my stable relationship had to come to an end, though our friendship has not. She's going through increasing upheavals and always had a fear of commitment towards our relation but she just does not want to drag me along. Being supportive and caring for her well-being is my priority so for once in a breakup I've been surprisingly respectful of her choice and not a complete mess.
Just saw her today to settle everything and it's been particularly bittersweet. It shows we're both doing it reluctantly. Then again there's no grudge to be had but I hope there won't be regrets.

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heh, this is a pretty good idea of a thread, sometimes you just need to get things off of your chest, and the word out to other people and see what they think on situations that you're in. I actually did this sort of stuff myself not only once, but twice, and was hesitating on doing it a 3rd time.

Most of the shit I'm dealing with right now, if any of you hadn't heard since I made a big ruckus about it a couple of months ago, my mother passed away at the end of February at the age of 51. She was so young and unprepared for death, that I got her actual age mixed up, as I wasn't counting the months that ticked by. The entire thing was extremely sudden, and all happened over a span of 24 hours.

Lately, I've been having trouble dealing with my brother's insensibility to things because we've both haven't been raised properly (it was only our mom raising us since the age of 10, and she was a very altruistic person). imo he just has an extremely skewed sense of justice, and likes to stand his ground on false extremities, which just pisses me right the fuck off. One time we had an argument about how there was no such thing as salt deficiency and nothing bad can happen from it. When I mentioned low blood pressure, he disacknowledged its existence, and questioned how people back in the 1200's got their salt because only very recently have people been able to process table salt. (At which case I pointed to natural sugars & salts)...

Besides the point, very recently he's been on my ass about visiting a food bank to go and get food from it, and acts like it will be the end of the world if I don't go to the food bank, when we actually have a $50 gift card to a grocery store not too far away that was given to us by my dad, who's been assisting us but he's an entirely different can of worms at the same time. I only want to pick up things that I know the food banks will not provide us, yet he reacts like he's going to slap the shit out of me if I go out regardless and spend the gift card without his consent.

Furthermore, I told my brother that if he happens to get a job, he needs to keep it quiet from my father. Otherwise, we may not be able to get the smallest amount of assistance with food & stuff that we do get from him. What does he go do? HE TELLS HIM. His excuse was that he just wants to have freedom from my father, which I can entirely respect EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT WE NEED IT RIGHT NOW AND IT MAY KILL US CUTTING IT OFF TOO EARLY. He did the exactly same shit when he wanted to move out by himself and started that entire fiasco that I mentioned in the first thread that I made about the drama in my life. It was because he wanted to live by himself and have freedom away from me & my mom.

I just have no idea where to start trying to patch things together, and the things that I could rant about on both the subject of my brother, and my father, are fucking endless. A week doesn't go by without thinking of suicide as an option, but I keep on living for my mom. So that I can complete her last wishes of being burried in a specific place, and taking care of the cats for her.

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I'd also like to further mention that I haven't eaten in 3 days, and my brother has continued buying fast food, and has probably purchased between $60 - $80 of fast food in the past 2 weeks, because there's nothing to eat at home. Yet he insists that I go to a food bank first before we go out and get some food using the gift card that my dad gave us, which I want to use to pick up stuff that the food bank won't give us, like bread loaves, or cheese.

At one time he wanted to go out and eat as his treat, and I mentioned that we should go eat out somewhere, and then stop by the grocery store on the way and pick up some stuff for ourselves to keep us going until I do visit a food bank, and we nearly had a really nasty argument from that.

My brother's smart, don't get me wrong I'm not trying to put him down, but he has the idiosyncracy of telling false facts to make things sound juicier, and defend himself to the very end on those false facts. On top of that, I think his IQ must drop by at least 50 when he gets really angry, because he actually starts to say shit when he's angry just to spite the other person in the argument, not to actually make a point like the 'debates' he calls them by..

edit: I've been talking extensively with some friends in Skype about this ever since I wrote it up. I stole some pasta from my brother that he hasn't touched in weeks, and I'm feeling much better on the food end of things, and possibly working on a confrontation plan the following morning.

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Actually it's always good to hear from you gold. And damn that's absurd. At least the trouble comes from people and that you can always get away from. Can't really give much of an advice except maybe the prospect of moving out/getting out of financial trouble. How's it coming along?

That's alarming though. Anything you can do?
I actually don't know much in terms of the US welfare system.

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Been talking it out with friends on skype, the financial trouble is at a standstill right now but could worsen because of my brother's actions. The idea of moving out is a looming one for me considering I'd probably have to hunker down with someone else, but it's a possibility. Like I said, I planned on writing out a 3rd drama thread just to update everyone on what's been happening, but a lot of those 6 months is a blur to me since many things have stayed at a depressive state since my mother passed away.

You're in luck, this is Canada welfare system I'm dealing with. And according to them, I'm currently on suspension from their mandatory & optional services right now, because of my mother's passing. I'm planning on confronting my brother tomorrow about the issue, and doing what I want to do for once instead of my brother blackmailing me & treating me as a doormat, and I could not care less anymore about how angry he will get.

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I can't quite wrap my head around the CSO suspension but I vaguely remember details you've mentioned before. Hope stepping up to it is gonna go well.

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Edit: Why..? I just woke up crying. I experienced the longest most painful nightmares I've ever felt.. There were about 15 nightmares in all that I had.. All of them had extreme detail as a single nightmare would have, but they were all consecutive.. I also felt like I woke up a few times while I was asleep only to be harassed in my dreampt up bedroom further.. I had nightmares about things I've seen in movies, nightmares about doing so much strenuous physical work I collapsed from being overworked and it felt like my heart stopped and I died, and it felt like I woke up but it was dark in my bedroom and I got scared so I got up and opened my door and there was a girl standing there whom I didn't recognize with long black hair covering her face, she wasn't the grudge.. She screamed at me as I ran back to my bed and I fell into a trapdoor into a maze where every corner I turned she as there and screaming at me.. I felt like I woke up from another dream and this time I was at school and my AP class was getting up to go outside on a field trip to the park for a reward for something we did. All I did was lay down under an enclosed slide that had a roof over it and two walls on either side.. I was laying there because I had nobody to talk to, and a girl came down the slide who I didn't recognize and she got stuck between the ceiling and my face so her feet were bearing down on my face incredibly hard (I may have been laying on my stomach at that time with my face in my pillow), and she didn't want to even try to move because I "deserved it".. Then we were all called and she got up and we walked in a line into a building where we were learning about things. It was an eccentric building with a lot of purples and pinks. We lined up at the entrance to a room that was labeled "Black light room" which we were going to go see a bunch of microorganisms or something. When it was my turn to put on a mask for facial protection, something happened and I was delayed my chance to enter, and I yelled something I would have normally thought to myself "why do things always mess up when it's my turn!?!" and everyone looked at me and made remarks and I felt awful. Then it was time to sign a paper but I didn't know how to sign the paper and I was afraid to ask the teacher who was standing right there to avoid sounding like an idiot, and so I just stood there while everyone looked at me wondering what In was doing. Then the door opened and I was pushed inside by somebody all of a sudden and it was a terribly dark room. That nightmare ended and I felt like I woke up again, but this time my room had a clock in it with a time so I thought "i'm finally awake now.." but then I heard a loud noise and there was a guy intruding into my house and had just off'd my family and was coming after me. He tried strangling me and I couldn't break away, I couldn't overpower him.. I pulled out a knife I had in my pocket and stabbed him and then I was in court and I was convicted of murdering somebody maliciously.. In prison I was being chased by two guards inside of a middle room and they would beat the crap out of me if they caught me.. I left that nightmare which was very painful from the fictional beatings by taking control of the dream and my view zoomed out of a computer screen and I desperately tried ending the "game" on the screen which was my nightmare, before it started again.. I closed it and then I walked out of a room in a cabin at that point I was being stalked by a "boogeyman kind of figure" which wouldn't leave me alone! It went behind my father and I was going into a fit about how he was turning around and not seeing it, and then my father got stabbed and then a sack was put over my head and I went unconscious in the dream, then I regained consciousness in a reddish black room where there was a demon in there with a scythe and it stabbed me multiple times all over, and that was the most painful experience (close to torture because it felt so real) that I have ever EVER felt.. The rest of the nightmare was me being stabbed by that demon until I actually woke up feeling fine other than having a head ache.. I was crying when I woke up, which was only fifteen minutes ago. I told my parents about the dream (waking them up from slumber because I felt distraught) and told them about what I experienced in the long detailed string of nightmares, and my mother said it might be from being depressed during the day, and my father thought it might have been caused by the medication Paxil (an anti anxiety medication prescribed by a psychiatrist) which I started taking today. Part of me just wanted to write this down in moderate detail and share it here, and the other part of me wants input, support, ideas, consolement..