so i used to write poetry

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  • intensez
    FFR Player
    • Mar 2007
    • 944
    #1

    so i used to write poetry

    Originally posted by Lone Dove
    He grasped strength in his left
    And hid fear in his right
    No sense of emotion, he said
    But all in vain, he hid
    A heart made of steel
    Only to hide without heal
    It was shattered, all on the floor
    For no return to any kind of adore
    A few tears, what are those in rest?
    Afraid to make any request, to the crest
    To hide, to shudder away those for love
    Because only him is the lone dove of the flock
    i'm not sure what kind of symbolism i was going for but i have a bunch of poetry that sounds like this lol discuss
    Tags: None
    • moches
      FFR Player
      • Aug 2005
      • 3996
      #2
      Re: so i used to write poetry

      awesome seeing you post in here! it's always great seeing fellow poets here. we need to make some kinda group for FFR writers sometime :3

      I like some of the imagery in here a lot, the first two lines are a striking image and the heart made of steel can go in so many interesting directions. with a clearer rhythm and some of the imagery tidied up it'd be marvelous. also it's "he" in the last line :P

      overall me likey though post more plz

        Comment

        • axith
          FFR Veteran
          FFR Simfile Author
          • Dec 2007
          • 1251
          #3
          Re: so i used to write poetry

          I'd like to echo moches review. Say the poem aloud and listen to what your voice does when it reaches certain words and end of lines. A flowing rhythm is just as important as content or message in a poem. Utilizing meter, alliteration, and punctuation are the simplest forms of helping a poem out.

          I'd definitely be up for a "Show your poem off here" type thread. I'd like to share some my better stuff, and it would also give me reason to write more.

          Here's the last poem I wrote immediately before my first break from writing (I'm currently in my second break).

          Code:
          I think my muse has died

The want to write is there
  but when I sit with pad
and a pencil in my hand,
  the words don't come.

The words I wrote so easily
  and the songs I sang have slid
into mere mediocraty.
  It's like I'm tripping over
every verb, punctuation mark and vowel
  I put in place to try to evoke images
in the reader's mind.

Maybe I should bid this hobby adieu,
  to leave this pad for something new.
Possibly live a poetry-free life,
  'cause i think my muse has died.
          Not my favorite really, but it shows some of the alliteration things I mentioned above. Also bonus points for noticing the poem imitating the message.

            Comment

            • MixMasterLar
              Beach Bum Extraordinaire
              FFR Simfile Author
              • Aug 2006
              • 5275
              #4
              Re: so i used to write poetry

              That's a really good one, Aixth.
              ​

                Comment

                • intensez
                  FFR Player
                  • Mar 2007
                  • 944
                  #5
                  Re: so i used to write poetry

                  yeah i was hoping to make a thread kind of like that i noticed this forum doesn't have that and people post poetry pretty often lol

                  and your poem is pretty cool. some lines don't flow too well but eh this isn't like a rap or something. i like the overall theme about the writer's problems about poetry lol

                    Comment

                    • axith
                      FFR Veteran
                      FFR Simfile Author
                      • Dec 2007
                      • 1251
                      #6
                      Re: so i used to write poetry

                      Originally posted by intensez
                      yeah i was hoping to make a thread kind of like that i noticed this forum doesn't have that and people post poetry pretty often lol

                      and your poem is pretty cool. some lines don't flow too well but eh this isn't like a rap or something. i like the overall theme about the writer's problems about poetry lol
                      I just pulled that from my poems from 6 years ago. There's about 5 things I want to change in it right now.

                      Have at it. Make the tread.

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