"Angel" My first love poem

[~kitty~]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

I thought it was a good peice
So calmly written to.
I've read a lot of poems
But I've only liked a few.
You seem to be getting good at it.
So, I'll leave you with only this.
Keep on writing neat like this
And people wont think you're...

Yeah, I think you've got it.

Are you responding to me or the OP?

[lord_carbo]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

BTW: Why'd you edit that post, mead?

for many reasons, e.g. he described the girl OP is trying to woo as OP's "cum dumpster."

[mead1]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

Nah, the final version of it only described her as a "perspective dick-wetter" I believe

[Midnighter]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

You used "doth" amid your distinctly twenty first century English.

Most of what you say is stupid and uninspired and doesn't invoke any sort of images or emotions in my head.

"Dreaming of my Angel, [...] This radiant Angel of mine," -- Yeah we get it. She's your "angel."

"She's always there for me, / Through the good times and the bad," -- There are some cliche lines in this poem but oh man this takes the cake.


Poetry will not win you any chicks, bro.

How is saying my poem is stupid and uninspired helpful. Yes its cliche. I've heard that for the upteenth time now. I say angel five time. Ok, thanks I actually agree i used angel too much. "If you'd listen to us then maybe you'd be a decent writer. Really, this is a bad poem. It's really really bad." Insulting me isn't helpful either. I'm not the best writer in the world i do it because i enjoy it. If your going to hate or just "give your opinion(bad one)" and not give helpful criticism, then don't I don't care for it.

[Midnighter]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

Could you guys check out my other poem. "Today the day" its similar and the same rules apply when critiquing, Thanks

[mead1]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

You use a ****ing emoticon in the poem.

You use "walking on air".

Eliminate both of these things and it will still be horrible, but not to the point that it's insulting the intelligence of the reader.

edit: it appears you have fixed the emoticon. Good for you.

[lord_carbo]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

How is saying my poem is stupid and uninspired helpful. Yes its cliche. I've heard that for the upteenth time now. I say angel five time. Ok, thanks I actually agree i used angel too much. "If you'd listen to us then maybe you'd be a decent writer. Really, this is a bad poem. It's really really bad." Insulting me isn't helpful either. I'm not the best writer in the world i do it because i enjoy it. If your going to hate or just "give your opinion(bad one)" and not give helpful criticism, then don't I don't care for it.

The poem is littered with cliche phrases. there's really nothing else I can say about it. It's just bad. You need to be a bit more original; give us something a bit more inspired and not completely cliche.

[mead1]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

the same rules apply when critiquing, Thanks

It's not very often that I laugh at my computer screen.

[dore]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

hey at least you got two pages of replies, more than what most threads get in this forum

[MDMAngel]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

hey at least you got two pages of replies, more than what most threads get in this forum

It probably is because of the following:

A lot of the posts were from the same people.

There's this trend of trailing off largely from the poem to other posts.



Not saying that's necessarily wrong, but it does contribute to the excess of posts for a weak thread.

[Froston]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

I think poems are generally pieced together to leak feelings that are unexplainable.
Everything you described was explainable and very simple. Your spotlight was your "Angel" and you used uncreative metaphors to spice up your simple minded thoughts.
Also, you might be implying your girl has bony shoulders thus wings could pop out at any moment. That's one less blow job mister.

[Midnighter]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

whatever, if you don't like it too bad, it is what it is. For the helpful stuff thanks.

[mead1]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

you inspired me to write a love poem of my own

[MDMAngel]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

Emotional crap.
Horrible drivel excuse
you complain about.

[Midnighter]

Re: "Angel" My first love poem

I'm glad it was inspiring... if nothing else.