Should men open doors for women?

[Xandertrax]

Sure, I know it's the "polite" thing to do, but at the same time, doesn't it send messages to the woman?

It says that women are dependant and incapable, while males are the working ones, and are capable.

You could say that it puts the men in yet another position of power, rather than "equal opportunity." Opening the door could just be another way to keep the patriarchal society we have in place.

I know the topic sounds silly, but question the customs you were given for once. Is "politeness" really the right thing to do, since it implies degrading comments with it?

[Iwhaiwnfi]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I don't think opening a door for someone automatically means you think women are completely dependant on you, and unequal in terms of capability.

[GuidoHunter]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

but at the same time, doesn't it send messages to the woman?

Yes, it tells them that the man in front of them is a considerate person who wants to do something nice for a lady.

It says that women are dependant and incapable, while males are the working ones, and are capable.

Only if that's what they WANT to read into it. Opening doors for someone in no way indicates that the beneficiary of the action is in some way dependent and incapable. Guys hold doors for guys, too. What does that mean?

You could say that it puts the men in yet another position of power, rather than "equal opportunity." Opening the door could just be another way to keep the patriarchal society we have in place.

Horse****.

Is "politeness" really the right thing to do, since it implies degrading comments with it?

Faulty premise. It doesn't imply degrading comments at all.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[Megmo]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I hate that especially when I'm in a bad mood. They should just walk through the damn door and keep going (after casually shoving the door aside as they walk through it so I don't get smashed between the door and the wall).

[Windscarredfaith]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I really don't think it matters. Whoever gets to the door first should open it for the other people, no matter the gender, because it is the polite thing to do. Also, it is polite to keep the door open for the people behind you. There really shouldn't be any controversy over this, because no one will care who opens doors for whom.

[talisman]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Depends on how the door is held open. If it's walking through leaving your hand on the door behind you, that's one thing, and that's just common courtesy extended to everyone. If it's opening the door from the outside and then passing through after the person, then that's a different story. If the guy is being ironic about it, then it doesn't matter. If the guy is being really smarmy with it, then he's degrading women. If the guy is just doing it because he thinks he supposed to and is genuine, then the outcome is dependent on the woman. So in that case if the woman thinks she's perfectly capable of opening the door herself, she'll find it degrading. If, on the other hand, she thinks he's supposed to do it, then she'll probably like it.

All of this assumes of course that there are no mitigating factors such as having one's hands full or not having arms.

My opinion is that people can open their own doors. Little chivalry games like that are silly, especially if you don't believe in them. Ironic usage is perfectly acceptable though, provided both parties are open to the irony.

[stretchypanda]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Guido very rarely lets me hold a door open for him, and I'm pretty sure the only time he will walk through a door I am holding (rather than take the door and let me walk through) is when we are in a group and I am first to the door.

I get irritated when any person, male or female, gets to a door and can't be bothered to, at the very least, hold it until I can take hold of it. Nothing is ruder than letting a door slam in the face of a person who is close enough to you that it will not ruin your day if you just hold on a goddamn second.

[GuidoHunter]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I really don't think it matters. Whoever gets to the door first should open it for the other people, no matter the gender, because it is the polite thing to do. Also, it is polite to keep the door open for the people behind you. There really shouldn't be any controversy over this, because no one will care who opens doors for whom.

This is true, but it's different when guys hold doors for other guys. Given the history this custom has of guys doing it for ladies, it's kindasorta an insult to a guy who has the door opened for him, in a "you do this for ladies, so what are you trying to say by doing it for me?" kind of way.

Guys generally just have hands-off, respect-each-other's-space relationships with each other, so unwritten rules kind of come into place in that kind of situation. We don't expect doors to be opened for us.

HELD for us is a little different matter, due to what stretchy just said about it. One thing everyone should do before they let go of a door is look over their shoulder.

Oh, and while we're on this topic...

THANK PEOPLE WHO HOLD A DOOR FOR YOU..

They went out of their way to do something nice for you. The LEAST you could do is thank them.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee38.com

[FictionJunction]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

It's chivalry.
Everywhere in Latin-America it is expected for the male to open the door for the female, pay the tabs (even if the girl is only your friend), and be a gentleman. It's not a way to make males seem superior in one way or another; we're just courteous. It is our mindset that females deserve such good treatment.

[GuidoHunter]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Women are pretty awesome.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[SulferDragon]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

The link's dead...


I don't open doors for anyone, and hold open doors for everyone. I treat everyone equally polite/unpolite.

Opening doors for poeple is stupid, worthless, dumb. Open your own doors, you have hands, and quite frankly I don't care what you think.

Holding doors open for people is an intirely different senerio. Your there, the doors open, why not be nice when you have the easy opputunity. If they don't say thank you grumble, and rant to person with you(if someone is with you), then move on. Or you could make a scene, and blow your stack like an idiot.

Plain, and simple.

[talisman]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

You don't HAVE to thank someone who holds a door for you. It depends on the time they held it. If they're standing there for longer than five seconds (so you're maybe 10 feet behind), then a quick "Thanks" is in order. If you're in a crowd of people, or just walking behind someone who keeps it open behind them long enough for you to grab on, then no spoken thank you is required.

And I would disagree with stretchy in some cases. I personally find it annoying when someone holds the door open for me and I'm far enough away that I feel like I have to sort of speed up to catch hold of it and am then obliged to thank them. But I do think that every time you go through a door, especially in a crowd, you should make the effort to hold it out behind you as long as you can (without stopping or decreasing your pace). Then, as long as you don't look behind you as you enter the door, you can't be faulted for not holding the door open for a potential trailing individual. (If you do make the mistake of looking back and someone is within the It-Would-Be-Awkward-If-I-Didn't-Hold-It range, you're ****ed).

[FictionJunction]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Females like people who are courteous.. the girls who are worth anyone's time, anyway.

[talisman]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Speaking of degrading women...

[0:)]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Wow, no wonder they made automatic doors...

I still agree, people should hold doors open for people.