Re: The FFR Scary Story Event
Ooo, ooo, MY turn to critique things!
MOST FRIGHTENING: Riotpolice
MOST COMICAL: Callipygian
BEST IMAGERY: Destroy2777
BEST OVERALL: Destroy2777
Goldstinger: First submission, much daring, many confidence. Kudos for having the story be completely about FFR. Unfortunately in some places I got lost and had to reread the lines over again to get the meaning. I sort of wished you hadn't held yourself back either. 2000 words of gore, swearing etc. would obviously have been too graphic for the front page, but I felt like the reigns got pulled a little hard (you're damn right this is a pony pun) and it ended up being a shadow of what you could've produced. The image at the end seems disjointed as well; if that image doesn't have some hidden message to be found with editing software etc. I'm not entirely sure what it's there for other than to confuse the reader. If something IS hidden, that just seems esoteric since this is only about stories. Would definitely GTFO if something like this happened though
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Riotpoilce: Dat title tho. Definitely discriptive in your writing but kind of falls flat sometimes ("a killer that had killed someone" bro rly), and the narration tends to get ahead of the story with the wallet being a glaring *super hint nudge nudge* example. Kind of wish it was more subtle and sudden that he had misplaced it. Several times the narrator just says what the character does 1 line later and its a little tacky I'm afraid. Quite a few spelling/grammar errors as well. Aside from those, the onomatopoeic style you used is unique among everyone, deciding to sound out actions and internal monologue instead of merely describing things, which was nice to see. It helped to really evoke a spooky setting, even if a litte cliche at times. Utilizing the forum medium and having the images and long space for tension was cool as well.
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Callipygian: This story is so full of can't even I just can't even. My first thought was "holy SHIT someone who knows what an arrow to the knee really means" and as I kept reading I couldn't help but smile. Clearly the only intention of this story was to get a good laugh, and on many levels for many people it should do just that. I just really wish some kind of spooky/scary factor was put into the story to fit with the contest's theme. Despite its silly nature, it's actually well written with no egregious errors that I could find. Of course, I wasn't paying that much attention since I was too busy internally giggling and anxiously awaiting the next comedic stab. You basically guaranteed yourself 20k and a token
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jjontehasajkcnauncawinawhhizzu: Eh. The FFR connection is incredibly fleeting and vague in this. It might as well not have been mentioned at all. There are obviously attempts in the story to be funny but none of it really did the job. This could've maybe won funniest if Callipygian hadn't submitted. REALLY needs sentence breaks to not look like such a clump of text, and spelling/grammar errors abound.
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YoshL: Ha. Tournament. I get it. The repetitive nature of the writing kind of irks me but I completely understand it was what you were going for and it's not inherently bad. It's really unfortunate how close of a call this was for me... I thought for sure you would get my vote for best imagery until I read Destroy's story. Not necessarily as spooky or creepy as it is an FFR poem, but you still manage to get a lot done for being the smallest submission. It really was close.
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Dossar: Name puns ahoy! The FFR tie-in is definitely there, and follows a nice central theme of a house-of-horrors. Kind of annoying how Nero is basically the greatest detective since Sherlock and Batman had a gay love child, since he always knows precisely what to do next. Lot of random things popping up doing... random things. Fun little origin story.
(As an aside: your comment about my story kind of ruins the whole fun of guessing who everyone is... big meanie)
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Destroy2777: You sure you didn't just have a thesaurus sitting by your side while writing this? Imagery, vocabulary, grammar, it's all here and it's all unique and interesting. Reminds me a lot about my story */shameless plug* with how the scenes are described, though you go to even greater lengths in many instances. It's really more written as an epic tale than something meant to be scary/spooky, but I definitely feel it's the best overall story and deserved my vote as such.
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Dark_Chrysalis: 11/10 would bang for sure. But that's probably vote buying or some shit so I guess I disqualify myself from myself damn
Ooo, ooo, MY turn to critique things!
MOST FRIGHTENING: Riotpolice
MOST COMICAL: Callipygian
BEST IMAGERY: Destroy2777
BEST OVERALL: Destroy2777
Goldstinger: First submission, much daring, many confidence. Kudos for having the story be completely about FFR. Unfortunately in some places I got lost and had to reread the lines over again to get the meaning. I sort of wished you hadn't held yourself back either. 2000 words of gore, swearing etc. would obviously have been too graphic for the front page, but I felt like the reigns got pulled a little hard (you're damn right this is a pony pun) and it ended up being a shadow of what you could've produced. The image at the end seems disjointed as well; if that image doesn't have some hidden message to be found with editing software etc. I'm not entirely sure what it's there for other than to confuse the reader. If something IS hidden, that just seems esoteric since this is only about stories. Would definitely GTFO if something like this happened though
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Riotpoilce: Dat title tho. Definitely discriptive in your writing but kind of falls flat sometimes ("a killer that had killed someone" bro rly), and the narration tends to get ahead of the story with the wallet being a glaring *super hint nudge nudge* example. Kind of wish it was more subtle and sudden that he had misplaced it. Several times the narrator just says what the character does 1 line later and its a little tacky I'm afraid. Quite a few spelling/grammar errors as well. Aside from those, the onomatopoeic style you used is unique among everyone, deciding to sound out actions and internal monologue instead of merely describing things, which was nice to see. It helped to really evoke a spooky setting, even if a litte cliche at times. Utilizing the forum medium and having the images and long space for tension was cool as well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Callipygian: This story is so full of can't even I just can't even. My first thought was "holy SHIT someone who knows what an arrow to the knee really means" and as I kept reading I couldn't help but smile. Clearly the only intention of this story was to get a good laugh, and on many levels for many people it should do just that. I just really wish some kind of spooky/scary factor was put into the story to fit with the contest's theme. Despite its silly nature, it's actually well written with no egregious errors that I could find. Of course, I wasn't paying that much attention since I was too busy internally giggling and anxiously awaiting the next comedic stab. You basically guaranteed yourself 20k and a token
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jjontehasajkcnauncawinawhhizzu: Eh. The FFR connection is incredibly fleeting and vague in this. It might as well not have been mentioned at all. There are obviously attempts in the story to be funny but none of it really did the job. This could've maybe won funniest if Callipygian hadn't submitted. REALLY needs sentence breaks to not look like such a clump of text, and spelling/grammar errors abound.
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YoshL: Ha. Tournament. I get it. The repetitive nature of the writing kind of irks me but I completely understand it was what you were going for and it's not inherently bad. It's really unfortunate how close of a call this was for me... I thought for sure you would get my vote for best imagery until I read Destroy's story. Not necessarily as spooky or creepy as it is an FFR poem, but you still manage to get a lot done for being the smallest submission. It really was close.
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Dossar: Name puns ahoy! The FFR tie-in is definitely there, and follows a nice central theme of a house-of-horrors. Kind of annoying how Nero is basically the greatest detective since Sherlock and Batman had a gay love child, since he always knows precisely what to do next. Lot of random things popping up doing... random things. Fun little origin story.
(As an aside: your comment about my story kind of ruins the whole fun of guessing who everyone is... big meanie)
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Destroy2777: You sure you didn't just have a thesaurus sitting by your side while writing this? Imagery, vocabulary, grammar, it's all here and it's all unique and interesting. Reminds me a lot about my story */shameless plug* with how the scenes are described, though you go to even greater lengths in many instances. It's really more written as an epic tale than something meant to be scary/spooky, but I definitely feel it's the best overall story and deserved my vote as such.
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Dark_Chrysalis: 11/10 would bang for sure. But that's probably vote buying or some shit so I guess I disqualify myself from myself damn
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