New World, Old Words, New Meanings
Posted on: June 4, 2008, at 11:23:43am

1. Coffee: (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted: (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate: (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade: (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-Nilly: (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent: (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph: (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle: (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence: (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash: (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle: (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude: (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon: (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster: (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism: (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent: (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.