short and sweet: Yeah, so my name is Heather. My last name and middle names, plural, are not important. I'm 360 years old, a vampire, born September 1st, 1647, in Wales--though, as far as you all know, I'm fifteen years old, born in 1992. I have a sick, twisted mind, and I love crude humor and sex jokes. I'm more vain than your underaged hoe of a mother. I'm more vulgar than your hammered drunk great grandfather in the middle of a very-angry-Asian-controlled country, and I love it. I am a <b>shuffle dancer, dun know what that means? Look it up. I am also a DJ, DJ e-r0tix. Want to hear my shit? Message me. My favorite word starts with an 'f' and ends with a 'k,' and it isn't 'fork.' You guess it, yet? <br><br>I love my friends, and I have many of them. Don't like me? I'll laugh in your face, then tear you down the middle. I'll then proceed to tear your two pieces into four pieces, and so on, so forth, until I get bored. If I had enough fun with your corpse, I might even cremate you. :]<br><br> So, yeah, I'm pretty much amazing--yes, even more amazing than unicorns, yetis, and all other mythic beings combined, and that includes other "vampires"-- and that's all you need to know right now. If you absolutely <b>must</b> know more, fuck you. :D

interested in: interesting people disinterested in: most people.