...And the cracks begin to show.
Posted on: May 24, 2011, at 09:47:15pm

it would really be appreciated if I had some comments on this piece, as this is probably one of the more emotional ones.

Im sitting here crying.

Why? I have no fucking idea.
I'm sad as fuck.
It really took this weekend for me to realize how unstable everything is... instability is something that is really hard for me to get used to.

But a friend of mine has told me to make a list of things that I'm good at and things I need to improve on.

So, here we go... honesty.

Improve on:
- I need to admit defeat
- I need to stop lying
- I need to be more honest with myself
- I need to be a better friend
- I need to stop feeling sorry for myself
- The world DOESNT revolve around me
- I dont need to always look for a fight
- I need to stop smoking so much weed
- I need to stop hating life
- I really need to accept things for the way they are, and not get so caught up in how I want them to be
- It's not always necessary to voice my opinion
- I need to deal with problems instead of immersing myself with other things
- I need to listen to people's intentions
- I need to be more independant
- Stop being arrogant
- stop being smug
- I need to say 'no' sometimes
- I should stop caring what other people think of me
- I need to think before I do, and not just do.

I'm nothing that I want to be, and I'm especially dissappointed in myself that I cannot be that person. I've spun this image of myself with my circles of friends that I'm one of the nicest people in the world. I think there needs to be a correction, I'm a good person, not a nice one. I know we all make mistakes, but I really try my best to do the right thing. I know I fuck up a lot... and I'm willing to admit that.
I cant really find the words today, I was really upset last night, so I'm pretty drained in regards with my thinking ability.

Things I do well:
- I know how to talk to people
- I'm somewhat confident
- I know how to argue, and to bullshit
- I'm passionate about what I like

1. 1: surfer01girl
   Posted at 12:23pm on May 29th, 2011

   Hey buddy, I know you've been through a lot of shit lately. I'm glad you're venting right now (don't worry, it makes perfect sense) cause now you can actually get some of this stuff of your chest.
   You really are one of my closer friends, almost like family. I love you, kid.
   You have my aim and Skype if you need me.
   Feel better please <3.