Yesssss's prize (Legend of Arch0wl Reading)

[Arch0wl]

Here it is: http://chirb.it/H6hdb4

Yesssss won one of the KBO simfile tournaments a while back, and he had the option of a gift or some creative project. He asked for me to do a reading of The Legend of Arch0wl, a fanfic you can read here.

He also requested that I share it with all of you, so there you go.

[Madokidoki]

YES

[Arch0wl]

mp3 download link: http://www.mediafire.com/?5ygo9njgm9c7bpm

[hi19hi19]

I remember when this was posted on ODI lmfao


p.s. in before someone steps that mp3

[justin_ator]

Lol I am not playing a stepfile for that.

[TheNoSoMan]

For those who are too lazy or dont like pastebin.

Originally Posted by Kefit

Long ago, in the ancient past, before even the oldest known deities were in their infancy, there was a man. His name was arch0wl. For untold millenia he wandered the vacant realms alone, entertaining himself with bizarre exercises designed to strengthen his index fingers to the point of lunacy. However, eventually index finger handstand walking and carving his name into adamantine with nothing but finger pokes began to grow boring. arch0wl wanted more. He needed more.

Luckily for him, it was at this time that many of the greatest deities and figures of legend started to come into being. But they were all beings in their weak, young forms. They were no match for the might of the arch0wl! Thus, arch felt it only proper that he should rule over everyone, and established the kingdom of a0.com in which he would be undisputed king.

But just as he was about to ascend the throne, tragedy nearly struck. In what can only be described as masturbation gone horribly wrong, arch0wl separated, via mitosis, into three separate beings. The first being was arch0wl himself, and he carried the Id of arch's original mind. Mwerp was the second, and within him was arch's Ego. Finally, Spectere contained arch's SuperEgo. A monumental battle broke out, the likes of which the world had never seen before. In the end arch0wl proved victorious - indeed, he had been left with the bulk of the original being's power. Thus, the coronation ceremony was able to proceed as planned.

However, arch would always be left with a case of paranoia after this event. He was significantly weaker in his separated form than he was before hand, and he knew that someday someone might be able to dethrone him. To prevent this, he created an elite group of assassins, known only by the name "Skillz dat Killz." It is rumored that this group contained many of today's greatest deities, like Kilgamayan, Kil, and Reach, but none still living know the validity of these rumors.

Furthermore, for a long time after the establishment of his kingdom, arch devoted all of his energy to developing his battle techniques. For a short time his ultimate move was Payon, which had the ability to freeze anything for long periods of time, but soon this was surpassed by the all mighty, invincible, Blur.

But there was discontent. Although the kingdom was a happy place, it was always subject to the temper of its lord. During arch0wl's times of duress, Despair and Dark Energy would pour forth into the land. Soon, the discontent grew more palpable, and war began. But how could one possibly dethrone a force as overpowering as the arch0wl?

- As a means of showing off, Kenzya challenged arch0wl to a duel, and specifically requested to face the impenetrable Blur. When the smoke cleared, Kenzya was no where to be seen, just as everyone expected. But within a couple of weeks, Kenzya was back, apparently unharmed. He wished to test himself against the Blur again. arch, enraged that his technique had been withstood, performed a dark ritual to increase his power tenfold. He then unleashed Blur upon Kenzya again, this time with little warning. Kenzya, taken by surprise, was nearly disintegrated in the chaos.

However, he slowly reformed, and appeared in front of arch0wl one last time. Unable to understand how this could possibly happen, arch let loose with one last Blur. But when the smoke cleared, Kenzya was still standing, apparently unscathed. Blur had been defeated.

arch0wl was devastated. But this event had to be kept hidden from the public. Thus, arch sealed away all of his old techniques - Blur, Payon, FotBB, and more - and forbade the public to ever speak of them again, lest the world ever bear witness to the the destruction the moves could cause.

- arch researched deep into the dark vaults of the world's magic to develop new ultimate techniques. At one point he tried to harness the power of Kil's Gaussian Blur for himself, but found that it was too complex for his instinctual mind to handle. Over many long hours of effort he broke down this technique into a combination move with four people. However, his efforts to pull off the technique with the help of Hayden, Eclipse, and CitrusChild proved disastrous, and mutated the almighty force into the incomprehensible horror known only as gaussinblur.wmv.

- At one point early in the war, arch's most trusted general and court jester, Mwerp, disappeared. It is rumored that arch devoured Mwerp in an attempt to reform his original self and regain his strength (perhaps as part of the dark ritual to strengthen Blur).

- One of the first of arch's generals to go rogue was Reach. During an invasion of a small hamlet, Reach suddenly, and without warning, attacked the almighty Volkov, one of arch0wl's most trusted companions. The ensuing battle lasted for several generations, and annihilated an area the size of Denmark. It was ultimately won when Reach removed his shirt. It was a weighted shirt, and it created the Arctic Circle when Reach threw it upon the ground. Volkov was eviscerated within seconds.

- Some of the earliest reputable tsutter sightings come from this era, and his guerrilla war tactics against arch. tsutter was killed many times in these battles, but he and his companion reishiro would always rise from the ashes to carry on the glorious battle.

- Moogy was the next of arch's generals to turn face. Although a poor fighter, he was a brilliant orator (it is rumored that he taught Hitler how to give speeches), and he was able to raise a vast force agaist the Lord. However, this vast force was composed of mere peasents, and was easily crushed by a single use of Slam. Moogy was exiled afterwards, as arch feared the backlash he would receive if he destroyed him. On his way out, Moogy introduced the Badger Oni Oni to the lands. The devastation was immense - it caused Mount Olympus to erupt, and the resulting fire destroyed much of Constantinople.

- Hayden and Eclipse were twin stoic robot lolis who had proven themselves on the battle field time and time again. During a routine massacre in the Pacific, Toph suddenly came riding in a top his surfboard, and assaulted the two without mercy. But it was a tougher battle than Toph expected, and he realized that simply spamming Tell Me a Story would not assure him victory. He paused for a mere fraction of a picosecond to imbue his surfboard with the very essence of Oosanbashi, and this is when Hayden and Eclipse took their chance. They unleashed their Subarashi Double Ageha AAAA upon Toph, and all seemed lost.

But the two could not aim properly while fighting over their keyboard, and this gave Toph just enough time to finish imbuing his surfboard and pour forth the pure soul of Oosanbashi unto the twins. By the time the oceans had calmed, Hawaii had risen, and Toph settled there, sick of the war. Rumor has it that Eclipse's body is sitting peacefully on a beach side bench to this day, holding a guitar, and wearing a flower lei. Hayden's body was never found.

- As more of arch's generals began to fall, he grew more desperate. In a desperate attempt for more power, he consumed Spectere, and advanced back to his ultimate form. Several days of blinding lights and screaming passed before the transformation was complete, and in the process arch formed the strongest weapon the world had ever seen. With The Cucumber in hand, arch roamed the Earth, razing entire countries at a time and destroying all forms of opposition. A dark time befell the ODI Realms. Although many beings had grown powerful enough to challenge even the ultimate, complete arch0wl, anyone who stood in the path of The Cucumber was simply erased from the space-time continuum.

- arch's former generals went into hiding, biding their time, ever hopeful for a chance, however slight. And indeed, a chance soon appeared. iPatcH, a mole placed into the ranks of arch's generals many eons ago, was able to seduce arch0wl's lover. She was the only being in the multiverse who knew of The Cucumber's weakness, and after convincing CitrusChild that he did indeed Love Orange Things, she bestowed the knowledge upon him. The final battle was soon to come.

- Upon learning of his betrayal, arch was devastated. Moreover, his fury was unlike anything the world had ever seen before. Within seconds every citizen of a0.com and every remaining member of its army was absorbed into arch0wl, and his power level ballooned to an unbelievable three billion. The world was all but doomed.

But this was when Kefit and Kilgamayan, arch's last loyal generals, finally turned face. In truth, they had been working for untold centuries to discover arch's weaknesses, an incredibly difficult and dangerous task. That they had managed to keep their true task secret was nothing short of miraculous. Combined with the weakness of The Cucumber gained from iPatcH, the world stood a chance against total apocolypse.

All at once, arch's former generals came out of hiding. Reach lead the charge, and with the knowledge of Arch's Fingering Technique he too was able to handle The Cucumber, and keep it from utterly annihilating the battlefield. But even with The Cucumber under control, this was still a one sided fight.

arch's power level was growing by the second, as he absorbed more and more of the world into himself. His index fingers were now capable of sundering stars, and entire battalions of elite forces were lost to his rapid use of Quasar 1.5x. In the ensuing cacophony of fury, Privateer and Eggman, two of the world's most powerful forces, were reduced to dust, unprepared for the terrible onslaught.

Kefit, Kilgamayan, Kil, and Toph split up into two teams, each of which would hold one of arch's index fingers at bay. It was a desperate struggle, but the teams battled valiantly, and were able to withstand arch0wl's cosmic assault long enough for tsutter and Snowcrafta to begin summoning a Spirit Bomb of never before seen proportions. All of the beings of the world lent their immense strengths to this Spirit Bomb, and after several weeks it was the size of the Sun itself.

It was now time to use arch's ultimate weakness. Breaking away from the merciless pounding of the index fingers, Kefit and Kilgamayan rushed to force arch's mouth open. Sensing what was about to happen, arch0wl unsealed his ultimate, top secret, long hidden technique: The Safari. But just as Kefit and Kilga were about to fly into their doom, the ghosts of Volkov and Mwerp came out of nowhere, and together they sacrificed their essence to knock The Safari towards Mars, where it created Olympus Mons. The Spirt Bomb, now the diameter of the Kupier Belt, was forced into arch's open mouth, and it exploded from within his body.

arch0wl was stunned for a moment, and this was all of the time that the valiant warriors needed. Every surviving creature in the multiverse rushed upon the now exposed bandage on arch's stomach, and began unleashing their most powerful ultimate techniques. A beautiful rhapsody of Gaussian Blurs, Ice Climbers, 0x1311s, Oosanbashis, Badger Oni Onis, BB Evolutions, Data Drains, Twelths in OMLs, and more enveloped the entire globe for an unknowable length of time. Eventually, arch0wl exploded in a scintillating burst of pure, white, blinding light.

When the light cleared, arch was still standing. As one of the original deities of the multiverse, he could not be destroyed. But he was a mere shell of his former self, and would never again possess any power. Unable to cope, he slowly willed himself into nonexistence.

With that, the dawn of a new age began.

lol this was in omgdidinsane power levels thread