03-18-2006, 06:11 PM | #1 |
FFR Player
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A Day in the Life
Edit-Everything in italics is "now". There seemed to be some confusion.
The days are good when you’re four; too young to go to school or work, but old enough to remember things. It’s much better not having lived a decade than having lived eight and worrying about your life insurance. Instead, I spent my days outside the apartment, developing a tan but hopefully not skin cancer. This summer morning started off no different than the others. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ As I traverse down the cold, gray concrete steps of my cold, gray concrete apartment, I begin to ponder the cornucopia of wonderful activities I will soon partake in. Stepping outside, though, my thoughts escape me like a newspaper in the wind. Attention spans are for old people, after all. I turn my thoughts to the undulation of urbanites walking along the sidewalk, the pack of cyclists cycling in the path and the never-ending swarm of cars. I glance up at the towering figures that cast shadows on me, and wonder how I will ever grow to be their size. It was exciting enough to get me wishing I was old enough to go through puberty and labor in school and write meaningless essays and eat ramen for four straight months after college just so I could be as tall as they were. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ In the scorching heat of the midday, the sidewalk steams, and far away objects seem to melt and ooze. Through the hazy mirage, I spot my savior: an ice cream vendor. I tug at my mother’s sleeve and whine softly (I possessed a tremendous skill in the art of hint dropping from an early age, you see). “Gee, mom. I’m really thirsty.” She looks at me. “I guess you want an ice cream bar.” “Yep.” Works every time. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ As I approach the vendor’s vast white cart (large enough to stuff six little kids into, or maybe seven skinny ones), I automatically recite my favorite flavor- red bean. Whoof! A squall of water mist escapes the vendor’s cart, dissipating in the hot and humid air. Well, at least the world will be a tiny bit cooler now. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Soon after depositing the wrapper in a nearby trash can, the ice cream bar starts to melt. Slowly but surely, the mass of melted popsicle oozes onto my fingers. I quickly try to inhibit its advancement by licking the end of the stick, but the damage is done; the sticky paste between my fingers will haunt me until I find some water. Ice cream bar: 1. Me: 0. Like a cheap balloon, my sticky-finger worries soon deflate, for through the herd of lumbering giants, also known as adults, I spot a snack stand. “Gee, mom,” I whined. “I’m really hungry.” She sighs. “So I guess you want some chips…” We walk to the rectangular stand, protruding from a nearby building like a Lego block. As I peruse the bevy of goods, something catches my eye. “Free Action Figure Included!” the package proclaims in shiny, purple letters. “I want that one,” I said. Chips and an action figure? What a deal! “Sorry, kid. We’re all out.” “But you still have one left,” I said, pointing to the bag being displayed on his stand. The vendor stares at me funny. “Sure, kid. You can have that one if you want.” Being a geek, I decide not to open the bag until I get home, where I could savor every last greasy but oh-so-heavenly chip while playing with my brand new action figure. It was exciting enough to get me wishing I was old enough to get a job and pay taxes and go to jury duty and mortgage a house just so I could buy all the chips with action figures included that I wanted. At home, I take a pair of scissors from the drawer, cut open the bag, and peer inside. Nothing. The vendor had sold me an empty bag. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ To this day, I still cannot figure out how that happened. It really gets me fuming. I was only four, but I wasn’t dumb; an empty bag is an empty bag… But back then, I thought nothing of it. What was there to be angry about? I was back home, Tom and Jerry was on, and soon after that, dinnertime! It was exciting enough to get me wishing I was old enough to be able to cook and clean and mow the lawn and fix the gutters every spring just so I could watch all the TV I wanted. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Only now do I realize my folly. Last edited by esupin; 03-22-2006 at 04:07 PM.. |
03-18-2006, 07:02 PM | #2 |
FFR Player
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 30
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Re: A Day in the Life
Sorry dude. I like your writing (you're probably the best one here) but this story was a bit boring. And I don't even understand some of it. (I didn't read the whole thing so I probably shouldn't talk.) But anyways, could you do something to make it more exciting? I really do enjoy your writing but this one is a bit slow.
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03-18-2006, 07:14 PM | #3 |
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chillin' with Carmen San Diego
Age: 34
Posts: 2,070
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Re: A Day in the Life
I thought you were going to say A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich. Just finished reading that like last month.
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03-18-2006, 07:50 PM | #4 | |
FFR Player
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Re: A Day in the Life
I guess it was written for adults(if that helps at all). This is a personal essay, which by default is a true story. It wasn't written for any plot twists or anything like that. I guess maybe if you skim it, you might miss the whole point.
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03-19-2006, 11:08 AM | #5 |
FFR Simfile Author
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Re: A Day in the Life
I really liked it actually, even though I was kind of confused at first and had to read over the end and beginning again XD
Boring? Don't listen to him! Don't! He thought lightknights wind story was exciting XD This wasn't supposed to be exciting! And if you want exciting go read like, dean koontz or something.
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03-19-2006, 01:40 PM | #6 |
FFR Player
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 30
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Re: A Day in the Life
No I think I'll go read Garth Nix' Sabriel over again.... for the fourth time... man I need a life.
~edit!~ Okay now that I have actually read the story it is much better. Don't pay attention to what I said up there. Although you could use some killing, sex, deception... lol, jk esu. It was interesting. But not something I would read more than twice. But it was still pretty darn good! You had me confused at first wasn't sure if you were an old man in the beginning or a kid or what. It’s much better not having lived a decade than having lived eight and worrying about your life insurance. Instead, I spent my days outside the apartment, developing a tan but hopefully not skin cancer. This summer morning started off no different than the others. ^this confused me, I thought you were an old man narrating about the past, and started moving with the story of an old man with his normal day. That's why I didn't finish it, too confusing. >.< Last edited by Abhorsen768; 03-19-2006 at 01:52 PM.. |
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