Depression + Anti-Depressants (a log) Updated 4-12-05

[deltro300111]

Ok, I am going to start logging how I feel, as I get more and more into the use of anti-depressants, starting with a synopsis of last week/feelings in general, please discuss.

Week 1- Wellbutron XL 150mg, 1 per day.
(Day Before)
Well, my parents saw that I was sort of sulking around, unhappy... and confronted me. We have a 2 or 3 hour conversation, with a lot of tearing, and a bit of fighting.

(Day of 1st dose)
My mom came home with a 1 week supply bottle of Wellbutron XL 150mg

(The following week)
I notice my mood, and work ethic increase significantly, things that my parents say that would usually annoy me (I could consciencely tell that they would have annoyed me o.O)didn't, and I really started to feel better. I stay up really late, and wake up perfectly awake, as if nothing had happened, and I can go through a morning without getting in a fight with my dad.

Week 2 Wellbutron XL 300mg 1 per day
(1st dose)
No significant increase in mood today, I took it a bit later then I did the preceeding week, and noticed a bit more tension between my parents and I, nothing too bad.

(Monday) 4-11-05
Well, there really is no high or low any more, I was either hyper or sad before I'd used these drugs, and now I'm completely neutral, some people at school notice changes, I haven't said that I'm on anti-depressants yet, I've been telling them that I am just tired, I guess that's what neutrality feels like to me. I kind of like it, I can sit and concentrate in class, without any want to pull out my calculator and play a game.

(Tuesday) 4-12-05
Wow, today I was very relaxed, I could still laugh, and have fun, but after the laughing was over, it was over.. I didn't get yelled at by any teachers or anything today, a nice change, I hope this progresses. On the way to gamestop (to reserve Guild Wars, (w00t)) my Dad said that he had also noticed a change, that I didn't really seem excited about anything anymore, nothing really grasped my emotion, I too have noticed this- but... he's just used to me always bouncing off the walls trying to get something to do. Meh, I like the way I feel about how I'm acting and how I'm performing much better now, then ever before... I hope to see more positive results.

(Wednesday) 4-13-05
We went on a band trip today, and I could sit there, and concentrate on my music, and play well without focusing/laughing at other peoples mistakes. I also noticed that the people around me were pretty hyper, and I didn't feel compelled to be hyper with them, I just kind of watched, and still I didn't feel left out. It really seems that people aren't writing me off as "that annoying kid" anymore... I like that. I also like that now I can concentrate, I can sit down and play a game, I think I am going to start working on learning C, now that I can concentrate.


I'm doing this log to try and document any changes, and possibly see if anyone notices changes in my typing style, or any thing like that... I myself am interested in seeing if this drug helps me any.

[The_Q]

Do continue this log. I'm rather interested in seeing the progress.

Q

[Braydz]

Good idea, this looks like it's going to be an interesting thread.

[falconsfan14]

Very interesting, i have the same problem you had, but worse. I have no work ethic( meaning i dont do anything cept play ddr and ffr ), im always getting in trouble at school, always getting in fights at home. Should i try anti-depressants?

[ddrruler]

Originally Posted by falconsfan14

Very interesting, i have the same problem you had, but worse. I have no work ethic( meaning i dont do anything cept play ddr and ffr ), im always getting in trouble at school, always getting in fights at home. Should i try anti-depressants?

Wow,only if your depressed....if you take it and you aren't depressed it would really mess you up

[falconsfan14]

Hmm, maybe thats a good thing , lol just kidding.

[dubroy27]

wow deltro congratulations on the progress. yes please continue this log. keep it up!

[hatakikakashi]

I'm glad your having such good results. congrats keep us posted. lol

[deltro300111]

Originally Posted by falconsfan14

Very interesting, i have the same problem you had, but worse. I have no work ethic( meaning i dont do anything cept play ddr and ffr ), im always getting in trouble at school, always getting in fights at home. Should i try anti-depressants?

You probably are depressed, depression doesn't mean that you are constantly sad- I had all but one of the symptoms of depression, which was thoughts of suicide. If you knew me, there is no way you would've thought I could possibly be depressed.

Also, depression makes people have extreme highs, and extreme lows (Either your happy, or your unhappy- and when you are either, you are at the extreme end of the spectrum.) It seems to me now that I'm just sort of in the middle... relaxed, but not yelling- or laughing... just kind of ... there, it seems to me that I might've been depressed even as a younger person, everyone around me was just sort of there, and I was either bouncing off the walls, annoying them.. or kind of sad to the point where people would ask what was wrong... now... I just feel normal, I really like it.

[falconsfan14]

Well that sums up how i feel, ive felt that ever since i was like 12 an i dont like it

[suicidalmuskrat]

Originally Posted by deltro300111

You probably are depressed, depression doesn't mean that you are constantly sad- I had all but one of the symptoms of depression, which was thoughts of suicide. If you knew me, there is no way you would've thought I could possibly be depressed.

Also, depression makes people have extreme highs, and extreme lows (Either your happy, or your unhappy- and when you are either, you are at the extreme end of the spectrum.) It seems to me now that I'm just sort of in the middle... relaxed, but not yelling- or laughing... just kind of ... there, it seems to me that I might've been depressed even as a younger person, everyone around me was just sort of there, and I was either bouncing off the walls, annoying them.. or kind of sad to the point where people would ask what was wrong... now... I just feel normal, I really like it.

that made me depressed reading that. It would suck just 'being there'. and I don't think that's normal at all. And why did they up your dosage after the first week from 150 to 300, when you were doing good and feeling good on 150? And falcon, I don't think you're depressed, you just lack motivation. I'm the same way. But it wouldn't hurt to see a psychiatrist, or counselor or something.

[deltro300111]

Originally Posted by suicidalmuskrat

that made me depressed reading that. It would suck just 'being there'. and I don't think that's normal at all. And why did they up your dosage after the first week from 150 to 300, when you were doing good and feeling good on 150? And falcon, I don't think you're depressed, you just lack motivation. I'm the same way. But it wouldn't hurt to see a psychiatrist, or counselor or something.

It doesn't really inhibit you from commenting on every little thing, you still think and percieve the same way you did before you started, but I don't really feel compelled to- before, every thought I had forced itself out of my mouth, whether i wanted it to or not,...
By the way, I am going to put up the signs of depression, which ones I had, and why I thought that.

Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying - I'm pretty good at acting happy, and I'm very sad when I become so... if I got a bad grade, I could feel the lump in my throat form.

Hopelessness -I expirienced even before I moved away from Ft. Worth, I thought I was going to be stuck in that horrible school district forever, I circumvented by being a pain in the ass on the internet, and to all the assholes around me.

Decreased interest in activities; or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities -I've greatly decreased the amount of DDR I play, and almost completely stopped doing anything with my website.

Persistent boredom; low energy -Last report card:
Pre-AP Geometry 70
GT English 73
Geography 73
Pre-AP Biology 70
That should speak for itself.

Social isolation, poor communication -I've just recently started being actively social with friends, I've been going to starbucks and hanging out for about 4-5 hours every saturday.

Low self esteem and guilt - I'm not good enough at DDR, or Trumpet considering how long I've been doing both.

Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure -I just kinda stopped being creative, not much animation or music due to the lack of support from anyone, and- frankly, I don't think I'm good at either.

Increased irritability, anger, or hostility- My dad and I had constant battles, nightly.

Difficulty with relationships - You may have noticed my abscence from the FFR forum, a while ago.

Frequent complaints of physical illnesses, such as headaches and stomachaches - Yea... I was pretty much in constant pain... didn't feel well, and my back, and feet hurt, and have since I was 12.

Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school -See grades above.

Poor concentration -See grades above.

A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns -Stay up all night, sleep during school, my sleep schedule.

Talk of or efforts to run away from home, Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self-destructive behavior, Self-Injury - These kind of go hand in hand, I didn't have any of these. I don't have the balls to commit suicide, or cut myself.

Alchohol and Drug Abuse -My parents found Nutmeg in my room, and I drank pretty heavily for about a year or so.

So yea, that's my story, I'll keep updating the above, discuss.

[blargherness]

wow i think i really could have depression...that discomforts me. almost all of the above in your list apply. and although its sorta besides the point, i wouldnt even dare posting my grades on here, though none of you know me personally. they suck so much. i cant seem to concentrate at any time. ive only got about 20% of my homework done across the year. for the pure heck of it ill post the stuff from the list that applies to me. (as a sidenote i just hope nobody thinks im just seeking attention...)
Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying
Hopelessness
Decreased interest in activities
Persistent boredom; low energy(this highly applies)
Social isolation, poor communication (this applies even more)
Increased irritability, anger, or hostility (probably is one of the most noticable things for me)
poor performance in school (lets just say i get some PRETTY bad grades)
Poor concentration
A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns
Talk of or efforts to run away from home (ive had often serious thoughts of it)


yeah now im pretty uncomfortable..........well at least i havent had thoughts of suicide

[deltro300111]

Talk to your doctor or parents about it, chances are they will be open to help.