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View Full Version : Holy Conception Batman

blahblah18
December 15th, 2005, 04:36 PM
"Dear, guess what, I'm pregnant!!"
"Aww that's great...... wait a second, I haven't bedded you yet... HAve you been cuckolded?!?!"
"Ummm ...... of course not! It must be God, yes... that's it... God... *cough cough*"
"Oh of course, that makes perfect sense. What a miracle"

:)
whorlichan
December 15th, 2005, 04:39 PM
I always did wonder why Joseph didn't try to find the kid's real father. At least to make him pay child support for all the **** that must have happened to Jesus as a kid, believing he's the son of God and all that.
xObserveRx
December 18th, 2005, 06:32 AM
You're both going to hell.

(someone had to say it.)
whorlichan
December 18th, 2005, 08:33 AM
You're both going to hell.

(someone had to say it.)

Well, I'm Jewish. We don't believe in hell, therefore we can't go there. :) Actually, so is blah. So we're both fine.
Chromer
December 18th, 2005, 08:50 AM
Wit a minute. How the hell can you believe in God and not believe in Hell? You crazy Jews. :P
whorlichan
December 18th, 2005, 12:12 PM
Because our God is a benevolent and loving one :) (Just ignore Job. He's a special case, and he got better anyway!)

Basically, if you're a really religious Jew, all you hear is that God loves you. As long as you follow the 10 basic rules you're okay--no one except the rabbis really knows all 613 mitzvot that you're supposed to do every day, and I don't think anyone actually does them all, even the ultra-Orthodox. There's not enough time in the day!

There's no hellfire and brimstone and "do this or you'll go to hell" in Judaism. And if you do sin, you can shove all your sins and wrongdoings into a goat and shove it off a cliff, or into a chicken and wave it around your head and toss it over a fence. Then you're free and clear :)
Jazzmosis1990
December 18th, 2005, 12:18 PM
you know whats funny? Chromer's avatar was moving in perfect time to the song im listening to.
anyway, alot of stuff in the bible doesn't make sence. i don't think you would go
to hell just for questioning something about jesus
Tokzic
December 18th, 2005, 12:29 PM
you know whats funny? Chromer's avatar was moving in perfect time to the song im listening to.
anyway, alot of stuff in the bible doesn't make sence. i don't think you would go
to hell just for questioning something about jesus

Didn't you get banned already?
Jazzmosis1990
December 18th, 2005, 01:12 PM
Didn't you get banned already?

Can I ask what for?
The_Q
December 18th, 2005, 02:40 PM
Jesus is addressing the crowd that had gathered around the adultress. He said to them "May the one among you who has never sinned cast the first stone."

An old woman hobbles up to the front and lobs this massive rock at the naked woman. Jesus turns to her and says "Mom, would you PLEASE stop doing that? You're embarassing me!"

Get it? Immaculate Conception? Eh?

Q
blahblah18
December 18th, 2005, 04:13 PM
Life of Brian?

Also techniaclly I guess there's Gehennah, which is where the concept of hell comes from.
whorlichan
December 18th, 2005, 06:38 PM
* Gehenom. At least that's the correct Hebrew pronunciation, I don't know what you Americans have turned it into.

And that's the goat thing. You toss it off the cliff into Gehenom, but people don't go there.
blahblah18
December 18th, 2005, 07:23 PM
I was jstu saying where the others stole the concept of hell from.
xObserveRx
December 19th, 2005, 05:23 AM
You both don't believe in hell? You're going to hell for that and maybe when you're in hell you'll say,
"Wow, Dan was right, i'm actually IN hell... Maybe I should've believed in it..."

Then you'll realize that won't do you any good now and say,

"Nah, I'm already in hell, **** that, I'm still not believing in it."
Moogy
December 19th, 2005, 09:09 AM
Hell sounds like a pretty swell place. I hope I go there when I die!
Lightknight924
December 19th, 2005, 02:46 PM
Because our God is a benevolent and loving one :) (Just ignore Job. He's a special case, and he got better anyway!)

Basically, if you're a really religious Jew, all you hear is that God loves you. As long as you follow the 10 basic rules you're okay--no one except the rabbis really knows all 613 mitzvot that you're supposed to do every day, and I don't think anyone actually does them all, even the ultra-Orthodox. There's not enough time in the day!

There's no hellfire and brimstone and "do this or you'll go to hell" in Judaism. And if you do sin, you can shove all your sins and wrongdoings into a goat and shove it off a cliff, or into a chicken and wave it around your head and toss it over a fence. Then you're free and clear :)




That sounds like something a person would want their God to be like. All loving and not hell casting. Seriously, if there is a place for all the good people then there'd better be a place for all the moogys. A person may not want there to be a hell, and may not like the fact that there is and therefore wants to believe there is no hell which is what Judaism is to me. Someone who doesn't believe in hell and says there is no hell because they don't like the fact that there is. Or the messiah Jesus, when he was going to be crucified they the Jewish people had a choice. Free the killing rapist in jail called Barthamis or something close to it. Or free Jesus from the prison hold. Jesus being the claimed son of God. The Jewish people decided to free the killing rapist and crucify Jesus Christ. Jesus said to them that they were all going to Hell if they kill them and if they accept it. The Jewish are like Yes. Then Jesus ressurected and the Jewish are like......uhh......there's no hell!I hope!!
whorlichan
December 19th, 2005, 04:01 PM
You forgot one thing (although I'm not sure I understand most of your post, try coherent sentences please?) The Jews do NOT believe that Jesus was the Messiah. We believe he lived, and may have spread his interpretation of the word of God, but it doesn't have anything to do with OUR faith. We do Old Testament only; the resurrection is a fairy tale to us.
Lightknight924
December 19th, 2005, 05:27 PM
A fairy tale exactly, I know that the jewish did not believe Jesus was the Messiah, some Jewish still await for the messiah to come. I'm aware of their beliefs but still say, what if the people where afraid of going to hell when they killed Jesus so they wanted to think there was no hell. Then they'd be happy.
MonkeyFoo
December 19th, 2005, 08:34 PM
While technically, my religion (or lack thereof) prohibits participation in religious debates, I'm going to break kosher here to talk to you all about Die Juden. First off, Religion is silly. That said, I think that it's silly to believe so firmly in a book that has so many important ambiguous parts. In the end, I'd say that the Jews are more likely to be correct in their beliefs because they came around a lot earlier. I think that the concept of original sin and the immaculate conception are silly. In fact, arguing about it is silly. You silly people.
jewpinthethird
December 19th, 2005, 08:36 PM
Hell sounds like a pretty swell place. I hope I go there when I die!

At least it's warm.
blahblah18
December 19th, 2005, 09:00 PM
"some Jewish still await for the messiah to come."

who uses the word Jewish like that... *shudder*
Lightknight924
December 19th, 2005, 09:45 PM
Some Jewish people still await the messiah to come*.
MrGiggles
December 20th, 2005, 05:22 PM
The Mary = virgin thing always had me wondering exactly HOW she became pregnant, assuming, of course, the Bible is 100% accurate. I've heard of some cases of this happening in our world today, and I don't know whether to believe these stories or not. There doesn't seem to be a lot of evidence supporting this. Has anyone else has heard of these "virgin births?"

Although I highly doubt she was a virgin in the first place. (http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c76/MrGiggles_1990/marywas.jpg)