Things are Starting to LOOK UP!!! Wow ok what a great thing 2 be able 2 say! What a ride. the last 2 months have seemed so hard, and yet they had good and bad times. I hav finally had my piano exam (passed with an A (86%)) and i am now going 4 grade 5 after 2 years of playing :D the wedding has passed and so has the cousins stayin over. Stresses are lowering... :) I broke it off with ma bf (it was mutual) and he dont h8 me, all reletavly stress free!I have the job i wanted. I can flirt and i am in love. what could b better?! YAY!!!

Everything that was a part of me
Washed away under the stars
Everything i wanted to know,
now strangles me hard
Things form and reform
Some never come back
But yet we put it under one word
To get it back on track

My dearest loved ones leaving
In so many different ways
Each has a different story to tell
Everyone wants a say
But what about me?
Losing myself under you.
Paranoid and stressed about you all,
Scared you will break lose.

The things you all tell me
Seem to compromise with me
Scared to death i will lose you
I am a ridged tree.
My roots go deep to hold myself
As the winds tries to blow me away
But i realise as i stand here
Maybe i should take my own way?
Maybe i should go with the wind
Have you all pick up the pieces
As i drown in this emotional sea.

What would you ever do,
If i say that i don't want to eat?
That i am fat, ugly and worthless,
An awful piece of meat.
Or what would you ever say?
If i confidently said
That through all of my misery,
I would prefer to be dead.

Faced with this so many times
I still don't know where to stand.
So i always sit beside you,
Make sure to hold your hand.
Pull you all out of darkness
And pull you towards the light
Wait for you to get on board,
But you kick and scream and fight.
So i continue to sit there
Patiently i wait.
Eventually you will come around
And face another day.

One question i ask you all:
Where can I go?
I can't say shit all to anyone
It's clasping round my throat.
And i wonder why i am misunderstood
I can't go to where i've found
You all say "I'm there for you"
I turn the picture around.

I know what it's like to be on the end of this.
You don't have a clue.
And because i know this side so well,
Why the hell would i do it to you?!
It's not that i don't trust you,
I trust you with my life.
I don't want to add to your misery,
It will cut you like a knife.

Funny, though, isn't it?
The things that cut you like a knife.
So long, so hard this all may seem,
Summed up under one word - Life

Don't tell me you understand,
You don't have a clue.
Everything you say to me,
Means shit all to you.

Stuffed in a black hole,
Struggling to break free!
Everything i though i knew,
Now means nothing to me.

If i could have one wish.
Somewhere i dont know.
All my troubles behind me,
All my hassles just go.

Even through my darkness,
I appear to stand strong.
Even though I'm hurting;
I can't find where I belong.

If there was one thing i could ask for it would be to let my true person shine. no one understands me, noone gets me. i dont even get me. one second i am happy the next i want to find a place to run away and never return. i think i am fine, but in reality i am not. i put a smile on my face and appear happy but deep down i am so fucking confused. i dont want to hurt anybody. i dont want to lose the essence of who i am. the sad thing is that as much as i dont want to i am still hurting them. One thinks i am gonna break and the others think i am losing my touch. All that is happening is that i am changing.

in reality i love you all, u are the centre of my world, i would die without you. This will never change. i may not be around as much but i am still here 4 u all. i am goin through a rough patch but i will come out a stronger person, no doubt. if i am quiet, it doesnt nessaccerily mean i am upset, just feel like being quiet. i get steriotyped as being the "fucking loud one". i am more than that. its just who i can be. All i ask is that you all see me for who i am, not who i used to be. i have changed yes, but sometimes change is 4 better not 4 worse. i luv u all xxx