05-11-2009, 07:58 PM | #1 |
FFR Player
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Suwannee, GA
Age: 30
Posts: 49
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Today's the Day
Here's my another love poem by me . Just one of those nice pasttimes, it good for relaxing.
Lingering lightly in the air Rests the fragrance of what once was there. Calm and serene in every way, I've waited along that path each day. The chilling breath of the Autumn breeze Soothes and caresses the playful leaves. Dancing in air till they reach the ground; Touching down lightly without a sound. Calm and serene in every way, I've waited along that path each day. In the distance train of thought, I stow away no ticket yet bought. Hidden well and out of sight, Consumed in ideas, engulfed in light, Ideas on how to tie a shoe, Some on the silly thing people do. Suddenly I'm back, quick as a wink. That was quite some time for only a blink. Back in this day standing here, Hoping, hoping that she would reappear. Calm and serene in everyday, I've waited along that path and today's the day. Last edited by Midnighter; 05-12-2009 at 04:40 PM.. |
05-17-2009, 01:22 AM | #2 |
FFR Player
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Port 8080 [FFR's Port!]
Posts: 31
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Re: Today's the Day
Hmmm...
Your inherent use of rhyme in this poem is quite stifling, actually. Break from the form. You're an artist. Not a conformist. Say what you really mean, always, at all of the times you may. For breezes blow in air often. Each one will carry on an unknown grain of sand. Somewhere quite distant, and profound. No chain nor title, place nor palace, shall ever fill your waiting chalice. You, my friend, must pour for yourself. [Ticks off another post] Forums do quite annoy me.
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05-17-2009, 01:34 AM | #3 |
Everybody gets one.
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Fuckin space bro
Posts: 1,008
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Re: Today's the Day
I like rhyming poems, that's the stuff rite thar.
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05-17-2009, 01:50 AM | #4 |
FFR Player
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Re: Today's the Day
Here's a poem.
Last night I had a dream about you In this dream I'm dancing right beside you And it looked Like everyone was having fun The kind of feeling I've waited so long for Don't stop Come a little closer As we jam The reason get's stronger There's nothing wrong With just a little little fun We were dancing All night long |
05-19-2009, 06:04 PM | #5 | |
Everybody gets one.
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Fuckin space bro
Posts: 1,008
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Re: Today's the Day
Quote:
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