You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

[eastsideman09]

I did. This actually happened a few months back, but FFR was still down, and I had actually forgot about it, but the subject was brought up in conversation with a friend, and I wanted to know if I'm not the only one who feels this way about the situation, and I'm sure I'm not.

I have a friend, let's call her Suzie. Suzie was in a relationship with this douchey guy for a few months, let's call him John. She broke up with him after she found out he cheated on her repeatedly. She did, however, take him back after a two week period. Within that time, she hooked up with two other guys before taking John back. Not the issue, just a background.

Here's the issue, within a month of taking John back, Suzie finds out she's pregnant. I don't remember the exact time frame, but the way it worked out, the baby's daddy very easily could have been any one of the three she had been with within that two or three week period, and it was more thank likely that it wasn't John's. I would think in that situation some closure would be appropriate, but she's convinced herself that the kid is John's and has strongly decided against a blood test because she's so sure it's his. When she first found out she was pregnant, she was confused on the possibilities, or at least that's what she confided in her friend, but she's since convinced herself otherwise.

John has a steady income working at a hospital and a home, while Suzie is unemployed and does not have her high school diploma and doesn't have the $70 for a GED class. I believe she's afraid to get a blood test because it very easily may not be the child of the man that she has feelings for who also has the home and money to help raise the kid, as if she's taking the easy way instead of the right way. John is willing to do so, but I don't know whether or not he's aware that there's a possibility that it's not his kid, so I don't know how he may feel if he knew that. Suzie's about 21 weeks along, and in the process of moving in with John.

That's what I was told. My issue is that this was gossip that I'm not supposed to know, talking with her best friends about it after a wedding. They told me to not talk about it with Suzie, and pretend like I have no knowledge of anything like that, and to just be happy for her and her upcoming child.

Every moral fiber in my being wants to meddle and confront John about it, though I don't really know the guy, but my friends would hate me for what ever period of time, and Suzie may disown me, but come on. She's potentially barring that child from ever knowing it's real father. I feel what she's doing is so irresponsible, and that she should be fiscally and legally bum****ed for it, if it actually isn't John's kid.

So FFR, I know it's not really my business to do so, but should I do something about this babbydaddy cluster****? Or should I sit back and hope that it actually is John's child? Is there even anything I could do anyway? She's pretty far against getting a blood test. And how do you feel about this whole thing?


tl;dr
this chick should be on Springer with 3 possible babydaddys and the one she's with might not be it. I'm not supposed to know, but should I do something about it anyway?

Also, have you guys been in this kind of situation before? Knowing something like this that you shouldn't know? Share if you wish.

[Mulie]

Yeah, I've been told secrets, and I'm often irrationally tempted to share them. The idea behind morality depicts a concern with conformity among peers, ultimately for our own personal benefit. In this case, either option is justified on a scale of conventional principles; and there would be consequences for you and everyone involved if you were to intervene. So the path of least resistance would be staying silent, as the problems of other people, as opposed to your own, are more easily forgettable; but arguably, if it bothers you enough; whatever. Just don't regret it.

[MinaciousGrace]

get to know john

wait 12 years

figure out which one you hate more (you will hate one of them by then if not both)

act accordingly

[stretchypanda]

It's not your secret to tell.

If she's a good friend, you can at least tell her you know and encourage her to do the right thing. No matter what you say, if her mind is set, you're unlikely to change it.

[Redorigami]

Originally Posted by stretchypanda

It's not your secret to tell.

If she's a good friend, you can at least tell her you know and encourage her to do the right thing. No matter what you say, if her mind is set, you're unlikely to change it.

Sound advice. As little hope as I would have that you'd be able to make any difference this way, at least from what you've said, you should probably just stick with that. At the very least you'll have gained some peace of mind in at least knowing that you tried, and you'll have a more clear indication of what kind of person she actually is.

[Xx{Midnight}xX]

Originally Posted by stretchypanda

It's not your secret to tell.

It absolutely is.

The reasoning being that if the child is NOT his he's still on the hook for paying for that kid, even should he leave and the wrong man is out of money because this girl is to bloody ignorantly stupid to take a blood test.

Tell her to tell him or you will. It's not correct morally, but honestly this could wreck or make his life based off if the kid is his. Just you BEST be sure you over heard ALL of it properly.

Edit: Also she cheated on him. Idiot. She asked for this to happen.

[Rubin0]

Originally Posted by Xx{Midnight}xX

Edit: Also she cheated on him. Idiot. She asked for this to happen.

Did I miss something? I thought the OP made it clear that the girlfriend slept with these guys after she broke up with her boyfriend after she found out he had been cheating on her. amiright?

And honestly two guys in two weeks? Why is that such a bad thing? The Jersey Shore guys have a different girl in their beds every single night and they are making millions of dollars for being "awesome". Say the girl went out every weekend she was single and met a guy each time. What the hell is so slutty about that? Honestly. Has anyone heard of rebound sex? You hear your significant other has been banging a lot of chicks and then climbing into bed with you. I think I would be pretty pissed and I would probably have some revenge sex, too.

Edit: Just to expand on how pissed off this post is making me. Pregnancies happen. To women. Not men. And they are freaking scary especially when you don't have someone to help you. This girl is probably scared ****less. She made a mistake after she found out her boyfriend is the biggest douche on the planet. Now she is possibly pregnant with this douche bags baby or the other two Joe Schmo's she had sex with to get back at him. She might be scared out of her mind. She A: stays with douche bag who might actually be a decent father even if he continues to cheat on her, or B: is a single mother with no money, no job, and no experience being a mother. Obviously, not getting a blood test is a selfish move, but you really need to consider the fact that the girl is scared before you judge her.

Before you start ruining people's lives because you are too busy worrying about everyone else's feelings, why don't you consider the baby here. Even if the kid ends up being his, once he finds out his girlfriend is a "slut" he might kick her out anyway. Just having people mentioning that your girlfriend is a slut is enough to make most guys fly the coop.

[eastsideman09]

Originally Posted by Rubin0

Before you start ruining people's lives because you are too busy worrying about everyone else's feelings, why don't you consider the baby here.

The baby really is my main concern, as far as the moral disturbances go. I don't care if Suzie was stupid enough to take John back, or how irresponsible she was with the unprotected sex. What really irks me is that the child will potentially grow up without ever knowing it's real father, and that could so easily be prevented with a blood test. Suzie can just as easily shack up with the biological father if John kicks her out if it's not his, and John may as well be just as willing to care for the child with the knowledge that it's not his. But the fact that he doesn't have that knowledge or closure, or rather that he's been purposely shielded from it, is what makes it ****ed up.

I don't even have to meddle and lives are potentially being "ruined".

EDIT: I don't know how I missed this....

Originally Posted by Rubin0

I don't get it. She deserves to be on Springer because she had sex with two different guys while she was single but he's the one that is being portrayed as a victim even though he has cheated on her numerous times? I mean, both of them seem like pretty amoral individuals so let's not keep pushing that double standard.

I'm not sure how you can equate cheating in a relationship as fickle as and with as much depth as high school couples (no offense) to someone forcing a child into someone else's life and keeping them completely in the dark about their biological/legal/etc responsibilities for that child, AND forcing the child into a life where it will never know it's true parents. Hell, it will be raised without any reason to think otherwise.

All that is assuming that the child is not John's, of course. I'm not defending cheating in any relationship, but what she's doing is a lot worse than that.

------

I talked to one of Suzie's friends about it, one who was there when I originally found out. It seems the consensus between the friends is to kind of turn the other cheek about the potential of the child not being Johns. As it stands now, John and Suzie are happy, John wants to take care of the child, and the kid will grow up with loving parents. I won't say they all think there's "nothing" wrong with that, but to them, it really doesn't seem to be a bad situation for the child, and I can agree with that for the most part.

"Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?" was my response though. Maybe it is.

[psychoangel691]

Originally Posted by Rubin0

And honestly two guys in two weeks? Why is that such a bad thing? The Jersey Shore guys have a different girl in their beds every single night and they are making millions of dollars for being "awesome". Say the girl went out every weekend she was single and met a guy each time. What the hell is so slutty about that? Honestly. Has anyone heard of rebound sex? You hear your significant other has been banging a lot of chicks and then climbing into bed with you. I think I would be pretty pissed and I would probably have some revenge sex, too.

Edit: Just to expand on how pissed off this post is making me. Pregnancies happen. To women. Not men. And they are freaking scary especially when you don't have someone to help you. This girl is probably scared ****less. She made a mistake after she found out her boyfriend is the biggest douche on the planet. Now she is possibly pregnant with this douche bags baby or the other two Joe Schmo's she had sex with to get back at him. She might be scared out of her mind. She A: stays with douche bag who might actually be a decent father even if he continues to cheat on her, or B: is a single mother with no money, no job, and no experience being a mother. Obviously, not getting a blood test is a selfish move, but you really need to consider the fact that the girl is scared before you judge her.

Why is it a bad thing? Um because unprotected sex is irresponsible especially if you aren't prepared for a child. Are pregnancies scary, yea a little bit but there are millions of women that go through it alone. It's not that friggin scary I'm going through it it's not like it's a terminal illness or something. And made A mistake? 3 different guys no protection yea that's just stupid. Sorry but you'll get no sympathy card from me for this chick.
Oh btw there's tons of assistance programs for pregnant women/ women with children. You can get free insurance which pays for EVERYTHING for the pregnancy and delivery. People give away free baby stuff everywhere. There's wic for food and stuff you need and there's housing assistance. There's no excuse and the guy has the right to know if the kid isn't his.

Originally Posted by eastsideman09

I talked to one of Suzie's friends about it, one who was there when I originally found out. It seems the consensus between the friends is to kind of turn the other cheek about the potential of the child not being Johns. As it stands now, John and Suzie are happy, John wants to take care of the child, and the kid will grow up with loving parents. I won't say they all think there's "nothing" wrong with that, but to them, it really doesn't seem to be a bad situation for the child, and I can agree with that for the most part.

"Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?" was my response though. Maybe it is.

The problem is if he suspects the kid isn't his at all he's not going to treat that baby right. My father doesn't believe the youngest of my brothers is his and he has never treated him the same as he has myself or my other brother. Sounds like all of Suzie's "friends" don't give a **** about what's right and figure hey now she's got a free ride. It's ****ed up.

[crazyretard69]

I heard a Rape happening one time.... I joined in

[BethanyBangs]

Nooooo that is so wrong!

[MrRubix]

In general, it's a good idea not to get involved in other people's lives where large decisions are at stake. If things go horribly wrong, you're now included in the problem. The best thing you can do is try to act in a way that results in minimal backlash for everyone involved on expectation.

The best thing you can do is talk to Suzie about it.

[ninjaKIWI]

Your friend Suzie sounds like a whore.

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Find a way to tell "John" about the issue. This doesn't necessarily have to be direct and upfront. But maybe you could leave him a tip or an anonymous message or something. That way the idea will be in his head, and he will most likely request a paternity test.

No one deserves to be forced to father the child of an unemployed, irresponsible girl who's incapable of receiving a GED!!!!11

[Windscarredfaith]

I completely disagree with HoneyMelon, no offense. I definitely side with stretchy and Rubix on this. He was first of all confided in as a friend to keep her secret. 100% agree that it is not his secret to tell, and it would involve him into the huge mess that it already is. You can still be friends with someone and not completely agree with their moral reasoning/decisions. Therefore, your job in this situation is to be the best friend you can be to Suzie. It is not a bad idea for you to give her your opinion on the subject matter, but in my opinion, it would be extremely hard for her to change her mind on something like this. Her fear can be completely blinding her to making the logical choice. It is clear that she does have some sense of guilt if she has debated about this issue with all her friends.

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

You've got a good point, Windscarred. Not to mention I completely misread the story. For some reason I thought that OP was friends with John and not Suzie. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't say anything; not even to Suzie. If this guy is really as douchey as you claim he is, then more power to Suzie.

[MrRubix]

While I think it's totally unfair for such an irresponsible girl to leech and take the easy way out, you do need to consider that telling John directly may result in dire consequences. He may break it off with Suzie and force her to fend for herself and the baby. Without a GED/job/etc, that's pretty bleak -- and not something you potentially want on your conscious, either.

The ideal outcome would be for Suzie to get the blood test and discuss this situation with the real father (if we assume it's not John's), as it's his kid, too. You don't want to get directly involved, but you can try to persuade those already involved to make the right decision as long as it's safe to do so. Situations like these require a certain sensitivity first, and aren't best solved by introducing information bluntly/unexpectedly. Don't tell Suzie what she should or should not do, but rather lay out the facts pertaining to everyone involved.

Ultimately, Suzie may decide that she absolutely doesn't want to get the test and wants to stick with John. Even then, you don't know for sure that not his kid (it was only a two-week hiatus, right?), and it's still best for you to stay out of it. You don't want to cause trouble only to find out that John *is* the father, making you look like a total asshole.

Sometimes it sucks, but you can only do so much safely. While it's tempting to act on all information we have in order to do what we think is right, ultimately, it's not always our decision to make when it comes to the lives of others. Best thing you can do is talk to Suzie and hope that she makes the right choice.

[fullmetal_alchemist027]

Well Rubix already said everything that I would have said... :/

Follow the sound advice in this thread and good luck with the situation eastside! Hope it goes well.

[Oni-Paranoia]

I'd tell John.

It was her mistake, and like Rubix stated, it's not fair that she's trying to take the easy way out. Besides, whether you talk now or never, the truth is going to come out and all hell will break loose. Why wait?

[knuckles2224]

You can write John an anonymous letter.